How will he have his children overnight

[inthedarkx]

So my ex has applied for his own place with the council since leaving me, I said he's not having his children overnight until he has own place ( don't want my kids staying at his new gf house overnight after a lot has gone on plus she has her own kids)

He went to the council and they said he can only have a 1 bed flat. He's been offered one as well. But he's told them he will need a 2 bed as he will have kids overnight on weekends, they've told him he needs to apply for child benefit for them to apply for a two bed but I'm their main carer ( even though we still married as not completed divorce yet) so he won't be able to unless I transfer it to him which would be pretty stupid of me.
He said he won't be able to have kids overnight now as he can only get a 1 bed. Is this right that he can't have a 2 bed?
I just want to make sure contact is done properly and so I can actually have a life too, and I want to move on. I made some plans that I could go to work and do nights if he could actually get contact done properly but seems like I'm back to square one on terms of contact.

Why can't he or the children sleep on the floor of the sitting room in the flat?

1 bed would be usual and the DC have the bedroom /he sleeps in the Living room /on the floor when they stay over - why should he have a 2bed flat for 1 night a week..
my d lived in a shared house so we all slept in his room ...

although you can't demand he doesnt have them at his GF place - if you're split its up to him what happens on his time

It makes sense that he can only get a 1 bed flat as a single man (and he's lucky to have been offered one by all accounts). There are plenty of people needing housing who have children full time.

However there's nothing stopping him getting an air bed or sofa bed for DCs. He needs to use a bit of common sense if he's keen on seeing his children really.

why cant he get a sofa bed or similar?

it wont kill him/the kids for a couple of nights a week.

Private rented? Housing association? My ds got a HA with a bedroom for dgc.
Yabu to dictate where dc can stay btw...

Thanks everyone.
It must just be right then. He will just have to accept the one bed and make so, he chose this life not me.

The reason why I don't want his gf round my children is because I don't trust her around them. If he meets any other gf and introduces her to my kids in time then yes I'm fine with that I can't dictate that but this gf no way.

She wrote some stuff about me on social media for no valid reason and she contacted my child to get to me to get back at my husband so in my eyes I cant trust her around my children even when originally they had met her without me knowing

Even if OP did trust the girlfriend, her children's Dad still needs somewhere to call home for his kids.

Private rental? A job to pay for it? I'm not sure if social media badmouthing by a person a parent is dating counts as a reason to deny access. Perhaps you should consult Jeremy Kyle.

@choli I'm not denying access to my children's father, I never would. Their father works and has two jobs. The only person in denying access to is his gf, I don't think anyone would trust a woman who uses someone else's child as a weapon.

He will only get a one bed council flat but should get a sofa bed for the living room

@choli we all know Jezza is no longer an option 🙈

@choli another reason why I don't want my kids round her is because last Tuesday he was supposed to have his son, 30 minutes before he was due to come he said he can't come now. I later found out it was because she wanted him at her house and that's why he cancelled his time with his son. I feel like she will influence the contact he has with his kids

@inthedarkx that's on him, not her.

If you dislike her because of a SM comment and because he picked her over his son, you need to grow up because you sound quite immature.

You either trust him with your child, or you don’t.

If you don’t you need to apply for supervised contact only.

If you do then you trust him to care for them properly and safely. This means what he does with his time, the people they meet and where he takes them is none of your business.

You can’t dictate who he sees and where he stays unless you have reason to believe he is putting them at risk. In which case go to court. Your dislike of his gf is not putting them at risk.

@bluebluezoo

It's not that I dislike her, I don't trust a woman to be around my children who used one of my children in an adult dispute. I'm not immature by any means. I feel like I'm putting my children at risk having her around them. He hardly knows her and met her on tinder, and he chose her over his son because she was complaining he wasn't seeing her.

You’re not putting your children at risk having them around her, he is.

If he’s putting his children at risk, take steps.

When he gets his own flat there is nothing to stop him still taking them round or her coming over there. How will you know if he and your child stays in the flat or at hers?

Again, If he’s putting them at risk, it’s his access you need to look at, not hers.

He's now asking me to transfer 3 of our kids child benefit into his name so he can apply for a 2 -3 bed. He said he would give me the money every week but I don't care about the money, it's the legalities of it all!! I will then lose my place on the housing list because TheY will see it as them living with him, and me no longer needing anywhere. Honestly feel like crying !

He is having a laugh. I would not even send a response to that!