Not wanting to spend time with my children

[Rebec24]

Hi All,
I have 2 little boys, a 3yo and a 20mo. I work full time and they attend nursery.
I drop them off at nursery for 8am and pick them up at 4pm. My husband works shifts and does his fair share.
Recently I have noticed that I'm avoiding spending time with the children, they seem to cry and get emotional all the time and I just can't be bothered with them. How selfish is that.
We recently went away with my family for a few days and they were such hard work. None of my family seem to care much for them and I see everyone try to avoid them.
Apart from the boys going to nursery so I can go to work I have no get out and it's making me really snappy with them.
My eldest is constantly saying sorry to me because I lose it over the littlest thing
..I'm an awful mother :(
Does anyone else feel like this? How can I change? I dont want to be this mother.

I just posted almost the same thing. I'm on holiday with my three and am now fed up.

It's bloody hard work and I've had enough of it. Wish we were at home so they could be in school and nursery and I could get some oeace!

Same here, my girls are four and two. Hard work, always fighting with each other or badgering me. I'm usually on my own with them and have developed a very short temper. I love going to work to get away! It's not just you. Feel like a v bad mum, keep telling myself this is just a hard combination of ages, but I've been saying that for a couple of years now...

That's sad for all of you. I do find working full time with children hard, as you spend so much time in an adult zone and mindset, and you're tired, and it's hard to shift.

Could you be stuck in a bit of a vicious circle, where you are less connected, so they act up for your attention, or you have trouble managing/supporting your and their emotions, so things end up going wrong?

Aha parenting has some really helpful points around 'special time', which is a remarkably good way to strengthen bonds. The book 'calm parents, happy kids', is also really helpful.

How is your mood otherwise? Could you be depressed?

www.ahaparenting.com/blog/How_To_Special_Time

3 yr old and 20 month old seems tough. Both very needy for mums attention I guess.
I’ve only got one dd3 (which I can find hard enough!) she can get grotty when she wants more of my time and attention. I follow aha parenting too and like theory that if you put some positive 1-1 memories in the bank you’ll get less grotty behaviour. I try and do things with dd on my day off. Don’t know if it would be possible for you to schedule in 1-1 time for a bit with each child fairly regularly so they have some times they don’t have to share you and you can just hang out?

Also you ideally need some time to yourself regularly too somehow

It’s hard. It’s understandable too. I feel I go through phases of no patience at all then I’ll calm down & be fine. Maybe you need more time to yourself

They are very young. They are crying and moaning because they are little and tired, and the only time you're seeing them is when they're reaching the tired part of the day which isn't fun for anyone.

What do you do at weekends? I used to find my kids hard going when they were little but we would plan the weekends so we were busy doing stuff they enjoyed (swimming, scooters, park, family farms etc). If they were happy then we were happy!

It's a shame for them that you are avoiding spending time with them- I'm sure they just want your attention and it manifests as grizzling.

I think kids can be hard work when on holiday as they are in a different environment and their routine has changed.
Have you tried doing something fun with them and being silly with them? I know it's hard when you are feeling knackered but it releases lots of pent up energy in them, creates a good atmosphere which I find then puts you in a better mood.
Do you both need to work full time? Perhaps just one day a week not being in nursery and them seeing you more might change the attention seeking behaviour? I know it's not always an option but if possible, might give you some space to enjoy your kids rather than being on the treadmill of work and nursery pick ups. Plus, try to make some time one evening to do something you enjoy as that will also give you a boost x