DP can't stand that our DC always want mummy

[lizzlebizzle33]

Hi, does anyone have any experience of this? Dp and I have 2 young ds, 3 and 1.
They are both absolute mummys boys and dp can't stand it, it's ruining our relationship.
I have bf them both and spent all of their little lives with them as I only went back to work briefly before going on mat leave again. So understandably they are close with me.

The problem is mostly with 3yo ds who verbally rejects him every morning he goes into his room to say hello and ds says "no go away daddy" then continues to call for me.
This will put dp in a bad mood for the rest of the day or until he feels some kind of love and affection from ds.

His bad moods are awful, he mopes about, doesn't help around the house, ignores the DC and talks to me like crap.

I don't know how I can make him see this is just a phase and ds does love him very much. And if he carries on like this he will just further alienate himself from his family.

Can anybody help me please? I know he needs to not take anything a 3 year old says to heart but if I tell him that he gets mad with me.

My dc do this to the extreme and it must be so hurtful but dh takes it really well. So no advice really but maybe just try to emphasise with how it must feel to be rejected / relegated the whole time!

He sounds like a toddler himself. Yes it’s sad when your children want their other parent over you, but how is moping around the house ignoring them and being mean to their mum going to help?

If you think he’s amenable to reason, you could try suggesting that he picks particular things to do with them himself as Daddy time. Bathtime or bedtime story or time at one particular park, sort of thing. But either way he needs to learn to handle this like an adult, and he could do with putting some effort into that himself.

Oh and mine are 7 and 5 so quite a long ‘phase’!

Sorry I didn’t see your 3rd paragraph. Agree he needs to grow up!

I have girls and the first the opposite, always want daddy. I bf the second as she was all about me until a few weeks ago and now that is changing. I never take ot personally as I have always heard (and see from friends) that this is generally the case and boys love their mammies. I have never been in a mood about this. I love them, they love me and I am sure your boys love their daddy. In a few years it will be all about him. They are only babies so not sure why he is taking it personally. He should enjoy the break, I do

Do you then get up and go to him when he rejects his dad?

I would try to avoid doing that as it reinforces the behaviour. Make sure your DP does stuff with/for the dc and don't give them the option of having mummy instead.

However, your DP seriously needs to grow up and be the adult. If he wants a good relationship with his children then sulking isn't the way to do it, and there's absolutely no excuse to be unpleasant to you.

Your DP is behaving like a spoilt child. My DD went through a long phase of wanting her Daddy rather than me (even when she went into hospital for an operation she chose him to accompany her). Yes I was slightly hurt, but I didn't sulk about it! I breastfed my DC and was a SAHM at the time - it's just a phase they go through.

Do you leave them with him sometimes? I think it helps if they know the other parent is not an option! And make sure he has some fun things planned for them to do together.

But seriously, your DP needs to grow up.

All of my 4 have been like that. DH has never really minded, probably because it was easier for him that way 😂 it's not something I encouraged though, when my kids refused to kiss goodnight/be comforted or stuff like that I used to take them to one side to try and teach them empathy and about how much daddy loved them and it wasn't very nice to tell him to go away etc

It's quite usual and normal at their age. Your husband needs to get over himself, he was probably the same.

He needs to build up a relationship with them. Why not get the older one at least to do something exclusively with his dad, something fun like building a bonfire or going out for pizza.

I also think your DP needs to grow up.

My DH will be a SAHD while I work full time and I'm already aware that this means the DC are likely to be closer to him in their early years. I can see that it will hurt a little sometimes but I won't mope about it FFS.

DH was off work when we had our kittens and even they treat him like 'Mum' and follow him around like he is 'Mother Duck'

They do have plenty of time together without mummy as I am back at work part time now, so they deal without me just fine.
It's when we are all together, they will sit on me not him, if they're hurt they come to me, ds1 wants me to play with him and not daddy.
Ds1 will not even let daddy read him a bedtime story if I am there, it has to be me or he will not go to sleep.

If however I am not around at bedtime, away for work or once in a blue moon out for a drink, ds will let dp read him stories no problem.

The problem really for me is how dp makes me feel, I feel like he resents me and I can't enjoy how much my kids love me in case it makes him feel bad.

He might find it helpful to read Steve Biddulph’s ‘Raising Boys’. There is a great explanation of ‘needs’ at different ages. It’s totally normal for your sons to need you now. There will come a time when they will need your husband more and seek out his company, this phase won’t last forever. It may help him to see things in a different perspective. It’s also just a great book generally for you both!

I just find I have to be really strict as I think some of that “only mummy can read the bedtime story” etc is just attention seeking and control (or at least it is in my child). DH and I usually alternate a child each DS4 and DD20m and if DS complains then it’s no story. End of discussion. He always backs down