I'm so miserable. Please tell me this gets better.

[Mybobowler]

My daughter is 5 months old. I absolutely adore her but she is such hard work, I'm losing my mind. She refuses to nap in the day - I've literally tried everything, nothing works. I walked her in the pram for four miles this morning and she only slept for 20 minutes. She won't feed unless we're at home in a silent room, so I'm stuck in the house. She's so highly strung - one minute she's happy and smiling, the next she's crying. Taking her anywhere is so stressful, it's easier just to hide at home. What am I doing wrong? No one else's baby is like this, I feel utterly useless. I don't know what she wants and I can feel myself losing all trust in my intuition. I felt so capable and confident with her to begin with, but I've lost that now. I'm miserable and worn out, and I feel so guilty that I'm letting her down. Not sure why I'm posting this, maybe someone else has had a similar experience? I just need to hear that it won't always be this relentless and lonely.

That sounds tough. Do you feel anxious when you go out? Baby could be picking up on this, making her worse? Our first DD was incredibly hard work too so I can sympathise. Have you met / got any friends with children? I always find having a moan about the kids with a friend helps! Could you invite a friend round / go to hers? Maybe our DD could tolerate a small amount of noise if a group etc is too much? Have you tried a sling? They're amazing for baby naps when all else fails!
Keep going, I'm sure you're doing an amazing job! It's bloody hard work though!!

'This too shall pass'.

My DD was hard work as a baby. Not at all into napping, for sure, didn't like being put down while I tried to do stuff. Things got better - quite demanding and sometimes had spectacular toddler tantrums. But she was one of the least troublesome teens imaginable and is now a very sensible student (she tells us off for going to bed too late when she's home!)

DH is wont to reflect how quickly those 20 years have gone - but, oh boy, some of the minutes and hours and days at the start truly did seem interminable. That's the stage you're at, but honestly, it does get better. It will probably get a bit easier when she can sit up by herself, for one thing, that's likely to be fairly soon.

You're not alone, lots of us have been through it. But it does sound like you could do with some real life support.

Mine was like that, he's much much MUCH better now. I found a sling really helped when out and about in the early days, and taking him to groups even though I hated them. He's still rubbish at napping, although we're kind of nearly getting there.

Once he could crawl he chilled out a bit, and since he's been walking he's been unstoppable and is such a chilled, confident little thing (for the most part - like any child he had his moments).

I doubt you're doing anything wrong, some babies are just a bit high maintenance. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with them either.

4-7 months was incredibly difficult for me, I remember hating parenthood at that point. He would ONLY nap in the buggy, but not outdoors - it had to be inside, in a dark room, with loud white noise, for maybe 20 minutes at a time max.

Anyway, at 7 months I put him in his cot one morning for his nap, just for the hell of it (I kept trying!). I shut the door, all was quiet. The little sod fell fast asleep within minutes. I could not believe it. From that moment he was an absolute champion napper. Twice a day, for two hours at a time, all the way til he was 15 months old, when he dropped down to once a day for 2.5-3 hours. It made my life SO much easier even though it still had to be in the cot so it did tie us to the house a bit (but he was a much happier baby!).

He's 3.5 now and he's lovely. It honestly will get easier, though when I was where you are I remember wondering what I had done and thinking I had made a mistake ever having children. Now I'm thinking about a second.

It does get better. We had a catnapper here and we just couldn’t find a suitable routine for her. She would sleep for twenty minutes and that was it.

Your little one will start to sleep for longer so hold on in there and also the situation of only feeding in a quiet room will wear off too as she will start to learn to concentrate on that rather than wanting to nose at where all the new sounds and noises are coming from.

Some babies are highly susceptible to outside stimuli. If you stay at home quietly, will she sleep in your arms at least? Because unfortunately, at that age, I think the more they don't sleep, the more overwrought and over sensitive they get. DS (who now is confirmed as having a sensory processing disorder) could be extremely hard work. If I wanted to feed him while out, I had to leave him in his pram and turn it to a wall so he didn't have distractions. We used to joke he didn't like to eat in public. We couldn't take him anywhere with loud or sudden noises and walking int he pram would keep him calm, but he didn't sleep because he would lie there absorbing things around him.

On a more practical level, I got help. A woman used to come in once every week or two for just 2-3 hours to watch DS so I could get a break. It was literally life changing. Most of the time I just wondered around the shops or sat in a coffee shop with a book, but just getting that break was incredibly helpful.

Good woven wrap around sling will solve most of your problems. From hard earned experience.

I found the 4-6 month age by far the hardest, as they are passed the newborn stage of feeding and sleeping, but aren’t developed enough to move/sit/do anything independently, and you’re dealing with the fallout of the 4 month sleep regression too.

It does get better, I promise. Are you able to make some time for yourself, even if it’s only for a short time each day? I used to go for a walk round the block when DP got home from work just to have a few minutes of being alone which really helped.

Good woven wrap around sling will solve most of your problems. From hard earned experience.

Did bugger all for me, he hated the sling.

I found this article quite helpful during those few months to know that I wasn’t the only person feeling the same: sarahockwell-smith.com/2013/08/29/help-my-4-5-month-old-is-sleeping-like-a-newborn-again-aka-as-the-4-5-month-old-babies-from-hell/

My first baby was like yours and I don’t know how I made it through with all my marbles still there, it was truly a baptism by fire. When I got pregnant the second time, I bought a good quality woven wrap straight away as there was no way I would survive the same with a toddler in tow. My second/third was a breeze. Baby goes in sling and you carry on with your normal life / run after the toddler. After 4-5 months, I used to tie the baby on my back as they were big enough, so literally I could sit at my desk and make calls in quiet, cook good quality meals, sort the laundry, anything. Baby was happy and quiet as he was with Mummy, Mummy was happy as I knew where the baby was and didn’t need to constantly watch him, especially as I am trying to get some jobs done. The sling set me back £80, but really it was worth its weight in gold!

I had one like that too. I consulted the gp several times who assured me he was "just a normal baby, babies do cry" but he was on another level. Constantly whinging even if he wasn't full on yelling. It got easier once he was mobile, and he turned into the most easy going toddler. The one thing that got me through it was actually getting out as much as possible...I went to every mum and baby group going and it really did help. Honestly, other people will not be bothered one jot about him crying, and it will help you to have the support of other mums (some of whom may be going through difficulties).

Do you have the Wonder Weeks app? If not download it. It saved my sanity so many times. It's based on your babies due date and tells you when they're going through a new development (leap) and the signs and symptoms can be anything from not sleeping, being clingy, being fussy, kicking off etc etc - Honestly download it!

I know it's hard to hear and doesn't help but it truly gets better. Once they are sitting, eating and then crawling they come into their own a lot more.

If you're really struggling, please seek help, though x

My baby is 5 months too and is the same. She only cat naps, none of this 3 hours a day nonsense (I wish!) and she often cries throughout any activity we try eg baby yoga class, mother and baby group. I take her anyway. I figure there's always going to be at least one crying baby at these things, it might as well be mine.

It will pass, I'm sure, and in the meantime try not to get isolated. Easy to say I know. Are you planning on going back to work in a few months? That is my light at the end of the tunnel on really bad days

Hey I hear ya I have a similar baby 7mths now and things are slowly getting a little easier. I’ve struggled to be around others for a while as the effort is too much and to be honest sometimes it’s just depressing seeing how much easier others have it. Does your baby sleep at night? Huckleberry app helped us with nap times but not night sleep. It tells you when your next nap is due and is uncannily accurate and saved me the overtired/won’t nap baby.

Oh yes and google high needs baby. You are not alone!

Oh I love Mumsnet, thank you all. It just feels so overwhelming some days, it's easy to forget how quickly time passes. Helps to hear about the high maintenance babies who turned into lovely toddlers - I do feel like she just wants to explore everything, and that maybe she just finds being a baby a bit frustrating!

I do have a stretchy sling - it saved my sanity from months 2-4 but it doesn't reliably work for naps anymore. She just tries to turn around and get a good nosy at everything, then ends up fussing. Having said that, I have finally got her to sleep in the carrier at home by swaying and humming a tune for the last half an hour. I'm now swaying in the living room, watching TV on a really low volume, too nervous to stop moving in case she wakes up

I know I should be a bit more determined about getting out with her. Honestly - and I know this is terrible - I spend time with my mum friends and their happy, predictable babies and I end up feeling so inadequate. Obviously need to start caring a bit less though!

Thanks everyone for your replies x

I remember a lot of swaying and singing - 'swing low sweet chariot' - my MIL bought us a 'swinging chair' at around this stage, it was really helpful.

I do feel like she just wants to explore everything, and that maybe she just finds being a baby a bit frustrating!

You may well be right. In which case, you can expect a phase of 'why? Why? Why?' a couple of years hence! Thank goodness for google... honestly, small children ask questions theoretical physics doesn't know the answer to yet. those joys are yet to come.

. Honestly - and I know this is terrible - I spend time with my mum friends and their happy, predictable babies and I end up feeling so inadequate.

Oh yeah, been there too. But in a few years time you may find, sadly, that some of those currently enviable docile babies are less happy and well balanced than yours. There's absolutely no way of predicting at the moment how they'll all turn out.