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Original poster

IS THIS SLEEPING ARRANGEMENT NORMAL AND CAN WE DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT

10 replies

Sarajandb · 10/06/2019 13:17

7 Year old step daughter has slept in her own bed at mine and my husbands house since day dot - she was 2 when i met her. Never any problems. She however sleeps with her mum at her house however this wasn't the case for over 18 months when she was in a relationship which ended at the beginning of this year but is now back in mums bed. This is down to the mother not the child what seems to be for her own benefit.
Mother is unapproachable/ volatile etc. But it has caused problems at our house now shes waking in the night asking for 'daddy cuddles' i worry about the mental impact on the child / possible bullying etc. Is there anything we can do? Any laws etc.

OP posts:
InDubiousBattle · 10/06/2019 13:54

How many nights does she spend with you a week? There's nothing much you can do about the sleeping arrangements at her mum's , whilst I think it's unusual to still share a bed at 7 but probably not unheard of.

bloodywhitecat · 10/06/2019 14:01

If she was still in her mum's bed when mum was with a partner I would be concerned but under the circumstances you describe? No, I wouldn't feel the need to take any steps to stop it from happening. If she is waking at night when she's with you then her dad can reassure her and help her to resettle in a way that she, and he feel comfortable with.

Original poster
Sarajandb · 10/06/2019 14:11

Shes with us 50/50 .. Well when the mother was with the boyfriend we were aware the child was sleeping on a mattress on the floor next to her bed for a time (we understand this is due to her bed never been put up from toddle bed - single for a good while ) before she was sleeping in her own bed in her own room this was never a problem for the child but as soon as the bf is off the scene she is back in the mothers bed and she has told us she itches and has had scabies recently also (reported to the doctor) there are concerns of cleanliness / hygiene issues. Shes no longer waking in the night it was for a short time when she 1st started going back into mums bed.

OP posts:

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WhiskersPete · 10/06/2019 15:54

I'm sorry - are you asking whether there are laws to prevent a child sleeping in the same bed as their own mother? Confused

Original poster
Sarajandb · 12/06/2019 17:45

I’m asking if there’s an age limit to which it’s deemed inappropriate. If she was sleeping in bed with her dad instead people would have more to say so why is it ok for same sex parent / child

OP posts:
bringincrazyback · 12/06/2019 17:48

I'm sorry - are you asking whether there are laws to prevent a child sleeping in the same bed as their own mother?

And this is a helpful answer how, exactly?

OP has clearly spelled out her concerns. Personally I can understand them.

Confusedteacher · 12/06/2019 17:51

It’s absolutely nothing to do with you where she sleeps at her mother’s house! If you don’t want her in your bed just send her back to her own, no drama.

ForeverBubblegum · 12/06/2019 17:57

As long as the child has her own bed she could choose to sleep in, I don't think this would be seen as a concern. It's a bit unusual at this age but not that uncommon. I bet most kids go in with parents when ill or after nightmares, every night is rarer but not much of a stretch.

If she has to sleep with mum because her bed isn't made up then that's not great, and the hygiene issue could be a concern, but not directly linked to the bed sharing.

RolyWatts · 12/06/2019 18:01

No there is no age limit foe a daughter sleeping with her mum. I went on holiday with my mum recently and slept with her. I'm in my 40's.

No it isn't any of your business. I would be volatile too if you tried to tell me how to parent my child.

The child has separated parents - it is likely she has experienced conflict and may have some attachments needs that sleeping with her Mum helps her to deal with.

By all means keep your rules in your house - children cope VERY well with different rules in different homes so long as they are consistent in that home and the child is never made to feel bad for doing things differently with the other parent.

One of the biggest causes of conflict between separated parents (and new partners) is when they try to interfere in parenting habits that are causing no harm to the child. The conflict created often causes more harm than the "parenting issue".

hormonesorDHbeingadick · 12/06/2019 19:07

There is no age limit for a girl to be sharing a bed with her Dad either. As long as she has choice and is happy with it then it’s fine.

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