Marriage breakdown causing love and feelings lost for child

[SadDad2019]

Hi

This is my first post so here goes.

I have a 2 year old and the marriage between my partner and I broke down in February due to controlling and abusive behaviour from her. Since then we have been trying to agree on what to do because my ex partner is chinese and wanted to take my son to China. I didn’t agree at first because I didn’t want him to go but this whole process and the way she had treated me throughout not only made me lose what love I had for her, but I barely even think about my son. now, I don’t feel things like that any more, I don’t show any emotion towards her and my son. I just want to move on with my life now after this terrible situation but all I’m getting is abuse from my ex.

Now I’ve fallen for someone else and haven’t even cared enough to let her know I have a child.

This isn’t normal right? Has anyone else experienced similar? How do I deal with this?

This girl I’ve fallen for, I don’t want to lose because she is perfect in every single way and I don’t even know if she would accept my son or not?

Oh dear, what a mess OP. I think you need to go and talk to someone actually about the abuse you suffered at the hands of your ex-wife, as it has clearly coloured your view of your DC. It would be so sad for him to grow up without you in his life and I think, in time, you will feel utterly shit if you allow that to happen. You're his dad, he needs you, and you also have obligations to him. After an abusive marriage I can imagine that it's very appealing to move on without a backward glance, but glance back you must, because your DS needs to have a dad. Don't let your ex take him to China. Fight for him! Go and see a solicitor and talk through your options.

As for this new relationship, you need to sit your GF down and tell her that you have a DS. It's going to come out sooner or later and the later that news comes out the worse the prognosis for this new relationship. Take her out for a drink. Tell her your last relationship was abusive, tell her you have a DS and that you're seeking legal advice to try and gain access to him and keep him in your life. If she is worth keeping she will understand. Any woman worth keeping though will not understand how a man can walk away from his little boy and not want any further contact.