Back to work - mum guilt

[wobblywibble]

I went back to work 2 months ago and decided to go back full time to a fairly stressful sales job with a fair amount of UK travel. My DS is in nursery full time and I guess I'm lucky my DH works locally and can generally do pick ups and drop offs.
I was offered a part time role but it would have meant taking a step back in my career. After weighing it up I felt the best option for us and my sanity was to go back full time but in a home based role meaning at least twice a week I would be around more for DS but he'd still have to go to nursery 9-5. Just to note he loves nursery.
So I'm happy to be back to work and DH is happy with pickups/drop offs and the odd night when I stay to stay away but how to I stop the immense mum guilt that I'm not being the traditional stay at home mum or at least only work part time?!
Out of all my friends I'm the only one that went back full time and the only one that seems to enjoy work. They can't seem to understand why I don't want to spend all day every day with my DS.
I guess this post is more of a rant but also just to see that I'm not alone?
For the record I love my DS to bits and miss him when I'm away but also value the time we spend together so much more.

You sound similar to me. I've gone back full time, none of my friends have

I love work, and always knew i would go back ft. I don't have any mum guilt though, i'd be an awful SAHM, i was so bored towards the end of my maternity leave. I'm just not cut out to be with my child 24/7.

My dd loves nursery and has so much fun, and means i don't need to do all the messy play stuff at home!

Thanks @Lazypuppy! I think the mum guilt is self-inflicted from people saying things like "oooooh don't you miss him". To be honest when I'm at work I'm so busy I don't get a huge amount of time to think about anything other than work.
My husband told me yesterday that I'm a strong indépendant women and times have changed from women staying at home 😂 girl power to him!

You are doing what you need to do. I don’t get why people think you must sacrifice yourself for your child - you are as important a person. If your child is happy and thriving then it’s the best thing for both of you to you feel fulfilled in your life.

People say the same to me about missing my dd.

In all honesty, when i'm at work i'm focused on work. I know she is having way more fun at nursery, she is being looked after etc, so i can kind of switch off...problem is people look at you weirsly if you admit to not wanting to be with you child every second of every day.

I am a better mum for not staying at home with her. I love picking her up, she's always so happy to see me, and i can see all the things she learns every day

I've also gone back full time and it's a conscious proactive decision not to feel guilty. My other half took shared parental leave and when he went back, I asked if he felt guilty and he looked at me like, wtf? He said he missed her but wasn't guilty and I realised that it's a societal pressure that's pushed on us and from that day I decided I didn't feel guilty. Fake it til you make it.

Also, when I realised it was much easier for me to go to work in my stressful full time job then be at home 24/7 in my house with my child, I felt immensely lucky. Its harder being a sahm I think, and you'd still have guilty. Guilt the house was messy when you don't work, guilt you're not working, guilt you're not doing enough with the kids...

Don't fall for the lie that guilt is a natural emotion.

I went back to work full time when my LO was 7 months, of course I missed him a lot! Now he is 5 and I still work full time and trust me when I say I welcome the 8 hour ‘break’ every day 🤣 I get to have adult conversations and drink hot tea!x

I work ft. Dd loves nursery and thrives in that environment. I'm happier and a better Mum for staying in a job I enjoy and having my own life and identity outside of being Mum.

Absolutely each to their own and I know many women who are completely happy with working pt or being a sahm and that's great. It's not for me though.

Just remember you and your baby are better off. You'd both be miserable if you were forced into being a SAHM. And, for all you know, some of your friends may have only stayed at home because that was what they felt society told them they should do.

I feel the same, even though I love my job and my daughter loves nursery and I’m lucky that my mum has her once a week. Although I only feel bad when I get the judging looks, comments and oooh wow that must be so hard - other people bringing up your child...

I’m a better mum for being at work - and I do actually think my little one is better off. She gets to do so much more at nursery than she does with me! Only so much to do sat in the house all day!

Easier said than done but please don’t feel guilty. Your doing the best you can with your situation, like all of us x