Some much needed advice please.....

[Tinks077]

I am having a lot of trouble with my sons dad.
Well actually I have had trouble with him since I was pregnant. My son is nearly 2 and starting to act out. My sons dad doesn't know what he works from one week to the next and I was fine with working around him so he could see our son but this is starting to become a big issue. Every time he asks to see my little boy and I say no as we have plans or it affects my time with him (I work nights) then he will kick off and send me abusive and coercive text messages. I have told him now he can have him 10-7 on a Sunday as this is the only day he can guarantee to have off. I have arranged to go to mediation and paid the admin fee for both of us as I want stability and routine for my son. He isn't willing to go to his employer and even ask for the same guaranteed days off each week so what am I supposed to do? I want my son to have a relationship with his dad but I'm on the verge of a break down with the amount of abuse I get off him and how he continuously puts me down as a mum. Does anyone else think I'm being unreasonable?

No I don’t think your being unreasonable at all. You & your son just need a little bit of structure to his dad having him. As for the abusive messages I wouldn’t even respond or if I did I’d tell him I’ll talk to him when he talks to me properly x

No you’re not. Who is he to send you abuse for not dancing to his tune?
You can’t put your lives on hold because he might want to see his son.

I hope mediation works out for you. He can’t expect for this ad hoc arrangement to continue if he’s going to become abusive when you have other things to do. What an arsehole.

As others have said you are not being unreasonable. Structure and consistency are important for your LO.

I'd not be happy with the abusive and coercive messages either! Not something I'd be happy for my lo to be learning! Keep a record of anything and be prepared to take things further (court?) to get set days and times in place. Sounds like like he's stubborn, disrespectful and awkward on purpose so it may be the route you have to take.

Thank you for your replies. Nice not to feel like this is all in my head and I'm being this impossible person like he makes out. Xx