Aibu to feel this badly for my daughter?

[Serendipity12]

Some names etc changed for anonymity!!
Daughter (13) is quiet and quite shy - always has been. Best friend since primary school (J) has been stable and her mum Anne and I are really close as well - supported each other through illness and bereavement, and when my child felt bullied and one of hers did too.
A year ago a new pupil arrived whose mum (lets call her Julie) was initially really full on (almost over friendly) but her daughter was a real stinker to mine, even to the point that other parents (including Anne!) Would comment on how this new kid would seem to blame and victimise my DD all the time at sleepovers, probably because she is so easy going and quiet. Julie went very cold very suddenly as soon as our children stopped getting along, and although I tried once to start up a conversation she cut me dead. I’ve been the same since then to her and found the whole situation really hurtful - something that I told Anne as well.
So cut to today and I am giving J and my DD a lift to a Saturday club and my DD and I just had to sit through twenty minutes of being told how great this new film is and how several of them all had a sleepover with Julie’s daughter over the half term and all the great stuff they did. And I know that it might be that I’ve lost all my perspective here but I feel so sad for my DD who was really polite and didn’t say anything but I could tell she was upset. And I just felt that Anne and I were more that just school gate friend last but now I feel that I misjudged the relationship and feel a bit silly to be honest. AIBU?

Can you talk it through with Ann? Maybe the two of you can work together to steer your DDs through this, whether its to stay close friends or just drift to ok friends

Hmm, two issues- your friendship with Anne and daughters friendship group. I don’t think you can fairly interpret Anne saying her daughter had fun with Julie’s kid to mean she doesn’t value your friendship. I understand and agree it’s a bit insensitive as you’ve mentioned the problems to her before- but she may not have realised how hurtful either you or your daughter found the situation. I would just say something like oh that’s nice, although it is a shame/a bit awkward for me and daughter that JUlie doesn’t seem to want to be friends, to sure why.
For your daughter, I would carrying on encouraging her friendship with Anne’s daughter and just say it’s fine to not be best friends with everyone (although it I see important to be kind to everyone, even if other stuff don’t seem to get that...).

That’s really hard! I wouldn’t take it out on Anne tho - she may well not have known in advance that your dd wasn’t invited! But if you are very close friends and feel able to, maybe discuss it with her, not in an accusatory way, but just explain how you and your dd feel, and ask her if she can help at all? A good friend will. It’s difficult, that balance between letting our kids lead their own lives and wanting to intervene. And what the fuck do I know? I only have a 7 year old - fuck knows what it will be like when she is 13! But what I can say, is, I may well get things wrong sometimes, dd too, but if any of my close friends who are parents of her school friends say to me that something is amiss, and is upsetting their child, then I do my best to help, I speak to dd who does her best to help, sometimes I even speak to her dad about it (although we are no longer together) and he does his best to help....... If Anne is a good friend to you, and J is a good friend to your dd, then hopefully they will try and help you resolve this situation! Best of luck, OP!