Aaargh! Am I the only one who can't stand their NCT get-togethers?

[lulupop]

Just come back from another horrendous afternoon with my ante-natal group. The other kids run around screaming and hyping each other up, DS (normally v confident) plays alone and watches them, amazed, their mothers just smile benignly and agree with each other that the only way to "deal with" this behaviour is to ignore it, and I sit there quietly grinding my teeth.

The mums are nice people but I can't stand the way they let their kids run riot, and the last straw was last time it was at my house and I ended up with crayon on the walls and scratches on my (new) coffee table (from a child banging his trains on it while his mother watched)

Meant to say this week that I couldn't make it any more as DS has busy time at nursery now, but somehow wimped out and didn't say anything!

Am I the only person who feels like this?

No - i feel the same, but also feel a "bond" with them that i don't want to break. There are 6 of us who meet regularly and now the kids are starting to walk it is turning into a nightmare. I keep trying to suggest we meet after lunch (the theory being i wont get food wiped all over my sofa). This week we have arranged to meet at a children play area, so at least they can trash other peoples stuff. I do worry about DD though - she is not walking and only just crawling so gets used as a leaning post!

Yes, it was around the time they started walking that I started enjoying things less. Also our meetings have changed from just a couple of hours and a cup of tea to all afternoon PLUS providing tea for the children. My kitchen just isn;t big enough to cope with tea for 6 kids (and their mums!), and I resent going to the effort to then find the other kids won't eat tea because it hasn't all come straight out of a packet (last time I served up roast chicken, potatoes and veg - not exactly haute cuisine - any my DS was the only one who ate more than 2 mouthfuls!)

But you're right, I do feel a sort of bond with the mums - I just wish I could see them one at a time. Don#t think they would particularly understand that sentiment as they all get on so well they have been on holiday together 2 years running. I go on holiday to get AWAY from my daily routine!

It does get better. Once second children come along you soon find that no one can accommodate them all and so you end up having girls' nights out instead. Much more fun

message withdrawn

lulupop- just say something to the other mums. I still regularly attend my coffee group get together... have done for the past 2.5yrs. We've all agreed that we'll stop doing cakes, as they just get mashed and stick to plain biscuits. I stop any child from doing something that I disapprove of and if the mother has a problem with that she can always tell me, afterall, I do the same with my children. The group has shrunk quite a lot over the summer with hols and people returning to work etc, so it has been less frantic, but my advise would be to chat it over with a few mums separately and see how they feel, you never know, you may all feel the same way.

Sounds as if it's become too much hard work, and not enough fun for you. The whole point of the get togethers is to share the good times and the bad, not just the bad stuff. Hats off to you for catering for 6 children and mums - this normally only happens in our house at birthdays....!! I agree with you it's frustrating to cook and then not have it eaten.

Our antenatal group stopped meeting en masse when the children began to crawl / walk because, fortunately, no one had a house big enough to cope with all those moving babies. I agree with the point already made - find a local toddler group or soft play place (with good coffees etc). This way the children take care of their own entertainment, run off some steam on someone else's property and you get to sit down and chat, rather than catering and clearing up!

I am a local area NCT rep, and I have just decided not to host any more toddler coffee mornings. Now that I have 2 children, I'm happy to do the bumps and babes type of event, but simply cannot face any more huge gatherings at which every toy is removed from the shelf and carried round the house. I've decided it's someone else's turn! So don't feel bad about how you feel.

HTH

Thanks guys, I feel a bit more normal now

We do sometimes go to soft play centres, etc, but, bizarrely, this seems to happen more pften on weeks when fewer of us can make it - as if there's not enough of us to make meeting at one of our houses worthwhile. Also, we are spread over quite a wide geographical area so it's hard to find places which are a convenient distance for all of us.

I suppose I just feel that since these were the first people I got to know when we moved here, U should feel more eager to see them. A bit like the friend you make on your first day at school. Think I will discuss it on the phone with people individually.

lulupop,

I sort of see where you are coming from but I bridled a bit at the point you made about the others eating only 2 mouthfuls of your chicken meal. Off subject I'm afraid, but perhaps you are lucky and blessed to have a good eater. My toddler is extremely faddy and frequently refuses food - and thats not because "it hasn't come straight out of a packet". My NCT teagroup also provides tea for all children attending and I would hate to think that the other mums are silently judging the fact that my dd doesn't always tuck ravenously into the food.

Sorry if I've given the wrong impression there - I'm not a terrible food snob or anything, and actually, my DS went through a very picky stage for months as well. I just dislike going to people's houses for tea and always having DS servied up chicken nuggets, chips, fish fingers or the ubiquitous smiley faces. A lot of people I know insist that their children will "only" eat these foods. So that is all they are offered. I know how easy this trap is to fall into as my DS only liked pasta with tomato sauce for ages. But I don't think we should give in to this sort of thing, or children end up eating a very limited diet.

I grew up with a mum who loved to cook and always gave us new things. We didn't have to eat what we didn't like, but we were always expected to try new things. That's what I want my children to be like too. The way I get round the fussiness is to offer a new thing at lunchtime, and then, if it's not much liked, they can have something I know they do like for tea.

As for processed foods all the time - there's nothing wrong with fishfingers and chips once every few days, and my DS loves that too. But these things have not much nutritional value compared to, say, some fresh fish coated in breadcrumbs and baked with some new potatoes cut in chunks - which actually is no more effort. Since reading Not On The Label I have a complete horror of chicken nuggets and more or less any ready meal - just read the lists on ingredients for God's sake - I wouldn't put most of that stuff into my own body so I definitely don't want my kids eating it when I can make the same meal at home, for less money, myself.

DS going through another fussy stage since he started nursery, but I find withdrawing pudding and biscuits between meals conjures up quite an appetite by tea time!