Rocking to sleep

[Pigglypig]

My 13 week old DD is completely reliant on being rocked to sleep. She had never been a ‘sleepy’ baby - she has silent reflux and has been very wired and alert since birth. Because of the reflux she would never drift off to sleep on her back - she needed rocking in a upright position.

We at last have the reflux under control with medication but we are left with the rocking sleep association which is really not working for us. She is a terrible sleeper so we are spending hours and hours day and night rocking her to sleep. She always fights sleep, screaming and crying before she finally falls asleep on us.

We can only put her down once she is sleeping heavily, but then she wakes up frequently and cries when she realises she is in her cot.

I know that the trick supposedly is to break the sleep association by putting her down drowsy but awake so she gets used to falling asleep in her cot and gradually reducing assistance.,The problem is that we can’t even get started because every time we put her down she wakes and starts screaming. The screaming just ramps up unless we pick her up again.

We’ve had a sleep consultant in and done everything advised - managing awake times and nap routine, swaddle sleeping bag, pitch dark room with loud white noise which has helped a little bit but not much!

We’ve tried shush pat and she HATED it. Apparently common with reflux babies.

Any suggestions gratefully received!

There’s some good advice regarding rocking your baby to sleep here: www.google.co.uk/amp/s/sarahockwell-smith.com/2018/03/06/how-to-stop-rocking-your-baby-to-sleep/amp/

Also it’s totally normal for your baby to not want to sleep in a cot and be with you. It’s the way babies are programmed. I’m also firmly of the opinion that drowsy but awake is a term invented by a sadist to make new parents feel like they are failing. Out of all my mum friends not one of us has a baby that will go down drowsy but awake.

How much of the time she is being rocked is she actually already asleep?

If she is actually managing to get most of her sleep while being held then I think it is almost impossible to break the habit. Unfortunately that means putting her down well before she is in a deep sleep and dealing with the consequent battle (sorry been there and done it so every sympathy )

With mine we compromised on her being a pain during the day as long as going in her cot at night was non-negotiable. Still took a good few painful evenings. Lots of different strategies for this - ssh pat, pick up put down etc but they are all equally painful ime. Best approach is to resolve to do it early on enough in the evening when you can cope with following through and have another adult for support.

Thank you for your replies. The bit I missed is that she’s waking pretty much every sleep cycle day and night so we are absolutely shattered. Then it takes 20 mins plus of screaming and crying to get her back to sleep again.

I wouldn’t be so bothered about weaning her off the rocking if we weren’t having to do it so much. My thinking was if she could get off to sleep without it she might not need as much resettling.

I’m also terrified that we are going to get to the 4 month sleep regression/teething and things will get even worse (if that’s possible!).

I’m just so tired. Tell me if will get better!

Just keep it up, absolutely normal and probably the easiest way to get them to sleep unless 2 hours of shushing and patting and a distressed baby is your idea of easy. Both of mine were either fed or rocked to sleep until about 10-13 months. Then they started to self settle with very little effort. It was easy and stress free and I really enjoyed those cuddles (I don't get them anymore). Just carry on. It won't always be like this but no reason to switch things up if you've found something that works.

But can you and your partner trade off? One of you take half the night and the other do the other half (assuming you aren't bf, in which case, I'd feed her and hand her off to him for the evenings while you go to bed and he can rock her for several hours while you get caught up on sleep). I would also be feeding her loads during the evening and overnight to get longer stretches. They really don't self settle at this age. You could also try co-sleeping if you can sort out a safe sleeping space for the two of you.

Mine had silent reflux and went from only nodding off while being fed, to while being winded, to being cuddled, to being laid in her cot almost asleep, then drowsy and finally can do it from awake at 6 months. Not a jot of training happened - she just did this herself as we got the reflux under control.

I stressed about this for weeks and she suddenly started doing it herself when she was ready.

(She does still only do half hour naps in her buggy but hey, naps are for 2-3 years, bedtime is forever!)

It’s not really working though as I can barely function. At the moment I’m getting 2-3 hours in the evening while DH rocks her, plus more at weekends, but that’s it. He works long hours in a challenging job so can’t expect more.

We were co sleeping out of desperation which gave me another hour or so in the early hours, but I’ve just stopped that as it was making me really anxious.

Grumpycat - this is great to hear! A little bit of hope!

I totally feel for you! My DD was like this and it was utterly exhausting. It improved slightly once the silent reflux was fully under control. With us she would only sleep upright on us. Eventually we realised we were starting to slump to get comfy and were therefore less and less upright as we held her so she was in effect sleeping on her tummy... so one time, when she was about 7m, I tried transferring her to her cot on her tummy. And it worked. Obviously this goes against all recommendations, but it is what worked for us and we were comfortable with that decision. Although I was super paranoid the first few nights so didn’t immediately reap the benefits of being able to get more sleep! DD is now 4, and that all seems so very long ago. So yes, it will pass. In the meantime do whatever makes your life as manageable as possible and hang for the day where she sleeps on her own - it will come!!

I think at that age she's ever so little and although you might feel like you're trapped in this rocking cycle forever it won't last. It's also really normal for them to need motion to go to sleep, reflux or not. I'd advise a vibrating chair/swing for naps and using the pram In the day.
For night time it's harder but don't worry about sleep associations, she's too young to develop habits, go with what works.

How is her feeding in the day? Simply, are you getting enough calories in her in the day that she's not hungry every 2 hours at night?
Is her nappy always dry before you try getting her to sleep?

Sorry for the basic questions btw, I just remember being so sleep deprived I was forgetting the obvious issues and focusing on the bigger problem.

Just wanted to say We’ve broken the rocking habit! Yay!
As a pp noted, she really doesn’t want to be on her own. So my previous efforts to put her down drowsy but awake were effectively attempting to wean her off movement and my presence at once.
Decided to take it one step at a time. I’ve taken the mattress out of her cot and put it on the floor. New routine is I put her on the mattress and cuddle her to sleep. The first time she screamed for 1 hr 40 mins (and my hearing might be permanently damaged!) but I felt ok about that as I was with her and all her needs were met etc. after 3 days she’s going to sleep after 30 seconds of crying and two mins of cuddling. I stay with her then, so my next plan is to slowly wean her off my presence by gradually retreating. In the mean time she’s sleeping so much better and life is a lot less stressful!

Congratulations Pigglypig! That must be such a relief. Glad you’ve found a way that works for you. Fingers crossed that the retreating goes well and you soon get to a routine that you’re all happy with.