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Original poster

Age gap between children

20 replies

undomesticgodde55 · 30/05/2019 07:25

Just wondering if there is a "perfect" age gap. I'm currently pregnant with my first due in December - always thought I wanted 2 children as close together (really was hoping for twins lol!) so they could grown up together and was going to try for a second ASAP..... Yep after the last 12 weeks that will not be happening 😂.

So wondering if anyone has any wisdom of age gap between children, pros cons etc.

This is lighthearted BTW - if I'm only blessed with the one child I'm more than happy with that.

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PolarBearBubbles · 30/05/2019 07:33

I think you're getting a bit ahead of yourself! There could be any number of reasons you want a second quickly after your first, or not for ages, if at all, depending on how this time goes. It doesn't matter what works for anyone else.

SallyWD · 30/05/2019 08:00

There are pros and cons with any age gap. There were 3 years between me and my first brother and 15 years between me and my second brother. Both age gaps were good and bad in different years. My kids have 2 years 3 months between them. It's good that they enjoy similar activities so in that sense it's easy to entertain them both. They like playing together and there's not a huge gap in terms of there abilities and understanding. On the other hand it was exhausting when they were both toddlers and they fight a lot! Try for your second (if you do actually want a second) when the time seems right for your family.

Karigan195 · 30/05/2019 08:01

For me personally ten years gave me long enough to forget what pregnancy and a newborn was like 😂😂

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ArfArfBarf · 30/05/2019 08:03

I have a 7, 5 and 2 year old and the oldest and youngest are so sweet together that I’m starting to think longer is better!

Myotherbagisgucci · 30/05/2019 08:35

I have a 14 month age gap and I personally wouldn't recommend it. I'm sure it will get easier once their older, but at the moment it's bloody tough!

ElspethFlashman · 30/05/2019 08:39

There's no such thing as a perfect gap. With 2 under 2 you get a lot of shit out of the way at once and they like the same things and it does become easier (even fun! ) when they're 2 and 4 and are playmates. But the first 2 years are pretty much Hell.

But then with bigger gaps they may have different schedules and you spend more time in the car. It can be difficult to please everyone. But you only have one baby at a time on the other hand.

Everyone is different. It's likely you'll change your mind about gaps 100 times before your first turns one.

NorthernRunner · 30/05/2019 08:44

I don’t think there is a right answer to this, just whatever works for you.

I’m currently 30weeks pregnant and dd is 4.5yrs. She is very excited about the arrival of her brother now but she was worried when we first told her. She had lots of questions that quite frankly a 2yr old wouldn’t consider. She asked if she would still be apart of the family, if she would need to live somewhere else, if her daddy would still look after her, and so on. Whilst she was anxious, she was able to vocalise it and we could talk things through with her. She often refers to the baby now as her baby and she is excited about teaching him things.
I wouldn’t have wanted a baby before this point, I was not ready, mentally more than physically.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 30/05/2019 11:36

As many have said pros and cons to both- my personal opinion is any gap bigger than 5 years would be difficult as the children would want to do completely different things as they would be at different stages of their life. For the sake of being to entertain them with the same thing, ie, the farm, soft play, same movies- 5 years and under is better.

Emmabryant123 · 30/05/2019 12:03

My dd is 3 years 3 months and I'm only just starting to consider a second
See how it goes

happyhillock · 30/05/2019 12:08

There's 4 year's between my two, that was perfect for me, oldest was about to start school when youngest came along

littlemisscynical · 30/05/2019 12:12

'Ideal' age gap? www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/3596607-Ideal-age-gap

WhiteVixen · 30/05/2019 12:41

It’s something you can’t really plan to be fair. We started trying for our second when our daughter was four, although I’d also had a miscarriage when she was around 18 months. It’s taken us three years to conceive so she will actually be nearly 8 when this baby is born.

60secondfacetimer · 30/05/2019 12:48

I have 7,6 and 3. I like the age gap between my eldest and youngest 3-4 years.

happymummy12345 · 30/05/2019 13:28

I don't think there is a perfect age gap. It's different for everyone.
We would like our second when our first is settled at school, so a 5-6 year gap.
But my mum had a 10 year gap between her 3. There's 10 years between my brother and I, 10 years between my brother and sister, and 20 years between my sister and I.

hampstead123 · 30/05/2019 14:01

congratulations! wish you all the best. Having twins is very hard work. hopefully things will work out for you

QforCucumber · 30/05/2019 14:03

DS is 3, I was supposed to have a 2nd this November coming, it hasn't worked out so now will be a longer age gap. You can't focus on it otherwise when things don't go to plan it can cause problems.

Floridasunset · 30/05/2019 14:51

I have a 15 month and a 12 month. It is hard work at times but also really lovely. We wanted them close together for a few reasons but it may not be what others want. The perfect age gap is only what suits you the best.

HoneyBee03 · 31/05/2019 14:01

See how you feel after having your first. I wanted 2 kids and my partner wanted 5 (!!!) But now we've had one we've realised that we absolutely don't want anymore. Also, if your baby doesn't sleep well then being pregnant again so soon will be really difficult and hard-going. Focus on and enjoy your first, then go from there.

IABUQueen · 31/05/2019 14:09

Currently pregnant with number 2, will be 20 months difference. I hear people saying the closer the age gap the better.

Only issue is I have a runny toddler while I’m soo exhausted from pregnancy and I feel bad. Also have nausea while he constantly wants to eat and it’s limiting what I can make for him.

I’d say wait to have the baby then decide from there based on how you cope and manage. If you have a lot of day to day support then 2 under 2 could work and be enjoyable. If no support then it means something going to have to give

Pinkvoid · 31/05/2019 16:25

I don’t think there is one. I had three in the space of 2.5 years and that was very difficult but I’m glad I did it now. They’re all a similar age so I don’t have to think of different ways to keep them all entertained. They also went through stages one after the other so I was already in the flow of it I.e potty training, weaning etc.

I now also have a baby and that was a little bit of a shock to my system after having a six year gap.

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