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Original poster

Would you give up!?

25 replies

Dragonhart · 21/07/2007 16:43

I have been potty training ds for what seems like ages now (think it is about 6 weeks).

I started because ds was getting really bad nappy rash and having terrble tantrums at nappy changing times which I took as a sign he was not comfy in them.

Started and had afew days naked, then afew days with pants then after about a week, we started to go out. He was doing really well and was only having a few accidents then I caved and put a pull up on because I had to go to a baby class with him and didnt want to have to deal with an accident with a load of babies about and not being able to put dd2 down (stupid I know!!!) And ofcourse he weed in it and then we had loads of accidents from then.

Did the same again (day naked and day pants) but he just doesnt seem to have got as good again since then.

2 weeks ago, he was very ill when we were at PIL's and having loads of accidents on their new carpet, so under a bit pf presure from them, put him in nappies (stupid again and if I had been at home, wouldnt have but felt they were a bit fed up with it).

And of course the same happened again. Lot of accidents when the nappies came off.

Now I know it is all my fault that he is still having problems but he is still quite young (2 next week) and I dont know what the best thing to do is. I am getting very stressed about it and feel a bit traped at home as he will almost def have an accident, but I really dont want to go back to 5-6 guaranteed tantrums a day! If he was an only child I wouldnt have a problem with it but when we are out with my 6month old dd2 as well, it is a bit difficult to push the double buggy into the toilets! Not that he is really asking when we are out.

Sorry it is so long, but any advice or experiences would be very helpful!

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archiespregnantmummy · 21/07/2007 16:50

No advise really , just wanted to say that my DS hates having nappy put on also, but is nowhere near ready for potty training.

I don't know if this is the case for your DS but I hope you find a solution that suit you all soon.

Original poster

Dragonhart · 21/07/2007 16:55

I would agree if it had not gone so well the first try, before I ruined it. If he can do it then, doesnt that mean he is ready?

OP posts:

CarGirl · 21/07/2007 16:57

If he is not asking to go then he is just not ready yet.

Just stop completely, perhaps use pull-ups for him so he only has to lie down when he's done a poo? Sorry but if he picks up on your frustration/anxiety it could become a control thing which will just be a nightmare!

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CarGirl · 21/07/2007 16:57

Sometimes they just lose interest in it once they can do it, was he asking to go during that first week

PotterCandles · 21/07/2007 17:01

Back off on the training. He's very young and clearly confused by it all. Go back to nappies for a few months. Try distraction tactics during nappy changes - like allowing him to stand up while you change him, giving him a special toy (or not-toy IYSWIM) to hold that he only gets during nappy changes. Even bribery with a small treat after a good change. I mean really small - one Smartie or mini biscuit or dried fruit etc.

Original poster

Dragonhart · 21/07/2007 17:01

I think the hard thing is that I keep reading different ideas of what the best way it. I have always just said 'we do wees on the potty not the ...' but have been reading that some people kind of tell them off if they have accidents, others use sweets or sticker charts, neither of which I have tried. Are they worth trying first? Or will they make things worse?

If he was not ready would he really have done so well at the start? This is my first time so really dont know how it works?

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PotterCandles · 21/07/2007 17:01

You can even do poo changes standing up.

Original poster

Dragonhart · 21/07/2007 17:04

Potter, I tried all those things with him. They were just connected to the nappy. I got really down about it at the time. We were both miserable. Even with the accidents, it is better than it was.

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MintChocChippyMinton · 21/07/2007 17:05

He's still very young, if you are not bothered about having him in nappies i would wait a while. maybe try again when the sun comes out - accidents are not such a big deal in the garden

Personally i was very laid back, waited until my DC wanted to do it, and then they were dry within a couple of days (but they were 3yo).

flack · 21/07/2007 17:06

Not even 2 yet? Cor blimey, yes, I would give up (and DS did train at just over 2, but we didn't have hardly any accidents or stress involved).

CarGirl · 21/07/2007 17:06

Well they often realise pre 2 that they control their wee - hold onto it etc but that is still very different to them being able to verbalise saying to a parent I need to do a wee and giving you 5 mins notice to take them to the loo etc.

Also at this age they tend to get distracted and decide not to bother to ask to go to the loo - same way that he does not want to stop what he is doing and go get nappy changed. I wonder if the novelty has just worn off.

You asked for opinions I've potty trained 3 so far, I would def recommend waiting until they are older if you want a quick, accident free toilet training. It gets very stressful if they have lots of accidents etc

Original poster

Dragonhart · 21/07/2007 17:06

When is the weather getting better mintchoc!?

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fortyplus · 21/07/2007 17:07

He's very young - wait till he's old enough to ask. He's just getting confused by the whole thing and is demonstrating 'toilet reflex' ie wee on potty when you sit him on it - rather than 'toilet training' which is having proper control.

MintChocChippyMinton · 21/07/2007 17:09

It's going to be an Indian Summer - September/October

Original poster

Dragonhart · 21/07/2007 17:11

He was asking when he was doing well and still does, just not all the time. He always asked to do a poo, nappy, pull up or pants. Hasnt since the first few days.

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Original poster

Dragonhart · 21/07/2007 17:12

Sorry ment hasnt had an accident with poos since the first few days.

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Original poster

Dragonhart · 21/07/2007 17:14

Mintchoc, think our garden will be a pond by then!

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Original poster

Dragonhart · 21/07/2007 17:17

And when he does ask for a wee, he can wait for afew minutes. He doesnt say wee then do it iyswim. We are having about 60-70% success.

Do all you experienced mums think it is not worth trying bribery? Does it make things worse?

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PotterCandles · 21/07/2007 17:18

Why not use nappies, but encourage him to poo in the loo or potty? That way nappy changes can be kept to a minimum and be very quick.

CarGirl · 21/07/2007 17:18

Lucky you when he asks to do a poo take it to them toilet and let him do it there just keep on pull up nappies the rest of the time?

PotterCandles · 21/07/2007 17:20

I really do think it's time to back off. With both of my older dcs we went through a stage when they were in nappies but could use the loo or potty if they wanted to do so. When we eventually actively toilet-trained we stopped using the nappies during awake times, only pants.

Original poster

Dragonhart · 21/07/2007 18:02

I have to say that the idea of just letting him tell me but have the pull ups on does sound good. Suppose I could always leave them off when ever I can eg. at home then go out with pull ups on. When he is really ready guess he would tell me every time pull ups or no.

Is it silly that it makes me feel like a failure though? Feels like without me he could have done it!

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PotterCandles · 21/07/2007 19:53

Hey, you're only human! Give yourself a break from Mother's Guilt

Original poster

Dragonhart · 21/07/2007 20:00

Thanks to everyone, really do feel better and a bit relieved about it all actually.

Thought I would come on here and everyone would say 'just keep trying' not 'try again later' so feels like I have been 'let off'. Know it is silly as he is not even two yet! Too right about the mothers guilt Candles.

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Original poster

Dragonhart · 22/07/2007 19:47

Well, today I decided to give him one last day while DH was at home and we have had our first dry day since the first week of trying!

I didnt ask him if he needed the toilet, he told me every time. I made a point of taking my time when he did ask and he was fine, we went out to church and had no accidents (although he didnt need a wee but it did involve a car journey and he did a big wee when we got home) and he even asked when he was watching tv twice, which he has rarely done before (normally zombifies him!).

I have decided to see how it goes for the next few days as I think this is a good sign and is how he was before I put a pull up on him!

Keep your fingers crossed for me! Thanks again for all the help xxx

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