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How to cope with toddler jealousy

2 replies

EmW1987 · 27/05/2019 19:24

Hey hoping people can help. I have a 12 week old DS and 2.5 year old DD and just feel completely unable to cope with my toddler at times. She lashes out at DS with no warning at all and makes it near on impossible to have them both in the same room. I completely understand it’s a massive change for her but just don’t know how to make her stop. We’ve kept her routine exactly the same - nursery 2 days a week, MIL one day a week. Daddy takes her swimming on a Saturday morning. She has plenty of attention. I’ve tries reward charts, treating her when she’s been good. I give her lots of praise when she’s behaving well but just don’t know how to stop her.
I can’t even put DS down when she’s about. I don’t understand what triggers her behaviour as she’ll say things like she wants her nappy changed when he’s having his done, which I get because the attention isn’t on her but this morning he was sat in his bouncer and I was chatting to her and she just threw a toy at his head for no reason. Even when she gets lots of attention it doesn’t seem to stop her. I know she’s only young and it’s a massive difference to her life but just finding it impossible on my own with both of them. Any suggestions? Reassurance that it will pass? Just find myself really struggling.

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PrincessConsuelaBanana · 03/06/2019 09:04

Hi EmW, I hope you’re ok Flowers I’m sorry I don’t have any advice from experience but my DD is due in August when my DS will be 2.5yrs. He’s very very clingy with me all of a sudden after previously being hugely independent, and he has started hitting when he’s upset (which obviously we’re doing all we can to put a stop to) and me and DP are certain we’ll be dealing with a similar situation to yours where DS is going to be very jealous of his new baby sibling and likely to lash out which is worrying!

I’ve spoken to friends and my DSis who have multiple kids who’ve all told me it is so normal for the older DC to be jealous but it doesn’t last, and it sounds like you’re doing all the right things. Just keep doing what you’re doing and it will pass! Have you tried getting DD involved in caring for her little brother? If you’re bottle feeding putting them both on your knee and letting her hold the bottle, letting her choose his outfit for the day, ‘helping’ change him by passing you things and hugely praising her for when she helps look after him? One friend bought her elder DC a present from the new baby too to say thank you for being a good big sister and looking after him.

New babies are hard work and you’ve got the added stress and pressure of a toddler too! You’re doing a brilliant job even if it doesn’t feel like it. I hope it gets easier for you soon xx

EmW1987 · 04/06/2019 20:15

Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. Tonight she told meg she felt sad when I feed DS but I’m pleased she’s started to communicate and acknowledge these feelings, hopefully we can then work on it.
I really hope you don’t experience this when baby arrives, if it helps none of my friends with second children seem to have experienced it so I have my fingers crossed for you xxx

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