Newborn breastfeeding guilt

[Girlmomma25]

DD is now 17 days old and I’ve been breastfeeding since she was born. This has been a major source of stress and exhaustion for me, leading to many tears and feeling incapable of carrying on. I hate to admit this but I even had a moment of thinking ‘what have I done, was having this baby the worst mistake of my life’. The feeling of helplessness and incapability has depleted and I’m feeling more myself thankfully, exhausted both physically and mentally and definitely struggling but not as desperate as I was and I’m so in love with my daughter, I don’t regret her one bit.

Anyway, due to the negative feelings I experienced, I was advised by the HV to try pumping. Side note, I’ve been lucky enough not to have an issue with the actual process of breastfeeding i.e latching/supply etc, my only issues were mental. So I’ve been pumping every now and then which was a massive help since I could take a break while DH fed baby. But I’m finding pumping painful and my nipples are constantly sore and I’ve made the decision to switch to formula. I know this will be a gradual process but I’m already feeling so relieved knowing the pressure will be off me.

What I’m struggling with now is the major guilt that I’m going to FF my baby instead of BF, especially when I have no physical issues with it. HV, midwives and everything online emphasise the benefits of BF and I can’t help but feel that I’m being selfish. Nothing with this baby had gone as planned, from an awful pregnancy and a nightmare labour that still gives me the shivers and now to me wanting to FF after planning to EBF. Has anyone else experienced this and how did you cope? Also any tips on switching to formula would be greatly appreciated.

I don’t have any particular advice but just wanted to say be kind to yourself. Having a baby is hard, and it sounds like you’ve had a tough time so far. Your baby needs you to be healthy, physically and mentally. That’s not selfish at all. Baby will be fed and that’s the most important thing. You’re doing a great job.

I was very similar, except I also had physical issues with bf.
I felt so guilty for "failing". Honestly, I was being silly. Me being happy and not a wreck was so so much more important for dc than where their milk came from.
I started by swapping the pumped milk for formula, then alternating feeds for a bit, gradually reducing the number of bf. I swapped the daytime ones first, as it was more convenient to bf overnight instead of getting up to make bottles.

Hey OP, it is horrible to feel that breastfeeding isn't doable when you wanted to do it.

My experience was very similar to yours and by my 3rd DC I foubd the solution for my. DD had 1 bottle of formula per day before she went to bed. It gave me a decent break, meant DH could take her and meant I was able to breastfeed for much longer than I would have done.

If combination feeding is for you, just make sure you are consistent with the times you give the formula so your supply adapts. I did this from day 1 and it was a game changer for me.

And if that isn't for you, you still have a beautiful healthy baby who you made from scratch. She will be fine with formula but if you want to keep going, be pushy in asking for support from the HV and join a BF group if you can

Be kind to yourself x

If pumping made you feel a bit better because you got a break why don’t you combination feed? My daughter has had one bottle of formula a day since she was born - always the bed time bottle so it didn’t affect supply early on. It’s meant that she’s always accepted a bottle so I’m not tied to her, I can leave her with my husband for the day or go out for the evening, which has been a great help for my sanity.

She’s my 3rd and only one I’ve breast fed, she was tongue tied and the infant feeding specialist we went to said it’s not the amount of breast milk, it’s the amount of time you do it, so even if it’s one feed a day they’ll get some benefits from it.

That said, like I said my first two were formula fed and they are absolutely fine. We are lucky to have the choice, and mental health is as important as physical, especially after having a baby, so do what’s right for you x

Sorry I’ve said pretty much exactly the same as maximusheadroom! Cross posted 😊

She’s had 17 days of bf which is fantastic. Might it be worth having another go before you decide finally to give up? Apart from anything else so you can tell yourself you did? It might feel different now. But if it doesn’t, make the change gradually- others will be able to give you better advice on this- to prevent engorgement and potential mastitis.

Incidentally, there is no difference between mental and physical reasons for stopping- both are equally valid.

Do you really want to stop breastfeeding? If not, you might find it helpful to attend s breastfeeding support group to chat to trained staff/volunteers and other mums. It can make a huge difference. Breastfeeding tends to get much more straightforward after the first couple months.

Best bit of breastfeeding advice Ive ever been given is 'don't give up on a bad day' it honestly does get so so much easier.

If pumping is hurting could it be because you are using the wrong size flange?

I felt awful when I decided to stop BF DS when he was about 4 weeks old. We’d struggled on, been to BF support groups, tried pumping but that just caused more stress and pain. Honestly once I’d talked about it with DP and decided it would be better for both me and DS if I didn’t feel like I was failing at every feed, and we switched to FF life felt so much better.
I know it goes against everything we are told, and I so wanted to BF, but reliving the stress of it let me and DS bond much better, and to be honest in 20 years time, i doubt he will care how he was fed. All he’ll know is that his mummy was much happier and he was loved and cared for.

I promise you it will get better & easier. You might want to continue BF or not, but BF does get easier. I thought it was insane but the insanity peaks and after that it’s so much easier.

I too had massive guilt issues. Even now (dd is one this week) I feel I have to explain to people why I couldn’t carry on trying to bf (latch issues causing my mental health to suffer very badly). But I did in the whole, get over it and I ended up doing what was right for me and her and for that I don’t feel guilty. I was happier and therefore a better mum.

You tried, don’t beat yourself up about it. If you want to continue then brilliant, if not then much better that she has a happy mum than one stressed out and risking PND.