Is it ever ok to leave a baby to cry?

[IdOntknowwhatthefuckiamdoing]

I’m really struggling today. 13 week old DD has reflux and she seems to have reverted back to how she was at 6 weeks old... waking up several times during the night and eating non stop all day.

She gives literally no warning when she’s hungry (a breastfeeding counsellor also pointed this out so it’s not me missing cues) and as she’s bottle fed we constantly have a bottle on the go. As she’s eating constantly, her reflux is so much worse and she’s especially cranky and unhappy.

I feel bad leaving her to cry but after a while of her screaming and pulling my hair I have to put her down before I get angry. I leave her for a couple of minutes then I go back to her. I feel bad for not comforting her but I’m exhausted and she uses up all my patience.

I don’t know what to do.

Much better to put her somewhere safe and take two minutes to gather yourself than to let the anger build. You're doing exactly what I would do/have done.

13 weeks is in my opinion too young to leave to cry.
If the reflux is causing her pain take her to the GP and get it sorted.

If she’s howling and screaming and can’t be comforted (I’ve been there) put her in the pram or pushchair and go for a walk. The screaming isn’t as bad in the open air and usually the motion of the pram sends them off to sleep. You may have to go on several walks a day, I did.
Is there anyone who will look after her for a few hours in the day to give you a break?

You’re doing the right thing. Take a moment, gather your thoughts and return.
See a GP too.

We do go out in the pram loads (I do about 3 hours a day at least with her as I walk into town with her & I don’t have a car) and it does help but sometimes she gets herself so worked up she cries in the pram.

She did have some gaviscon which helped with the pain but didn’t stop her throwing up. I’ll order some more on Monday but I’d stopped as she was eating less and sleeping more but that’s not the case now.

Reflux is the pits. Definitely seek something to help her (I'm sure you are), ranitidine was a life saver for us but obviously it's different for everyone. A few minutes here and there wine you compose yourself, definitely fine in my book.

Totally agree with John - when it gets too much it’s far better to leave a baby to cry whilst you collect yourself and emotions. In fact it’s the most sensible option.💐 It won’t always be like this. Do you have a partner, family member or friend who could give you a break for a few hours? Use them if so and if not give yourself a break from the guilt.

If your baby is otherwise happy, well loved and has all of her needs met then stepping away for your own sanity is fine. A few moments crying will not damage her in the long run. Collect your thoughts and then go back to her. Around this time over tiredness turned our baby into a monster, turns out she needed naps a lot more than I realised....2 hours awake and it was a nap not hunger, she still can't cope with more than 2 hours awake without needing a snooze.

I agree with putting her in the pram and taking her out a couple of times in the day, at that age my dd was not laying flat in her pram, it was on the first incline because of her reflux (my dear friend who is a Paediatric Physio said this was fine as long as she was well supported) and sometimes I faced her outwards too and she'd go off to sleep after 15 mins or so. Or if you have a sling take her for a walk in that instead? It can help break the feeding habit, does she use a dummy? Mine liked a bouncer that was not flat but not a full sit up one too- I say liked- tolerated.

I agree that there are times you will just have to walk away for a couple of minutes for sanity - it’s fine.

Have you tried a sling for around the house and instead of the pram? It would keep her upright and close to you which could ease her discomfort, give her reassurance and reduce the crying.

Give yourself a break. You’re not talking about leaving her to scream for hours on end or cry it out, just putting her down for a few minutes to calm yourself down. She’ll be fine, and much better for having a calm mum.

Push for Ranitidine if she’s that uncomfortable, poor love. Our paed told us that Gaviscon is always offered first as much cheaper, but it is only ever successful in mild cases.

Can you prop the pram up, so she’s not lying flat? Always helped my DD; she was wedged into the seat unit rather than carrycot by about 6 weeks and the incline was amazing for settling her. We used a newborn cocoon to keep her snug and in place.

If you’re getting angry, leave her a few minutes to collect yourself. Yes, take her to the GP but reflux can take a while to fix, trying different treatments, so you need a personal calm strategy in the meantime.

2nd children have to cry sometimes because you are only one person - if you are wiping child 1s bum baby has to wait for a feed...

Likewise twins, so within reason they might have to wait!

Yeah I'd go back and push for ranitidine. DS had silent reflux and was a nightmare for 4 months, ranitidine made so much difference over gaviscon, much easier to administer as well.

Much better to give yourself a few mins to calm yourself down. Having a reflux baby is really, really tough - I completely sympathise.

For us, ranitidine was a lifesaver in that he started actually gaining weight (he was barely back at birthweight before) but he warned, it does wear off as their bodies get used to it. We had to adjust the dosage three times.

Gaviscon is an absolute nightmare and all it does is thicken the feed so it’s harder for them to throw up. IMO it just makes babies constipated.

For us, what worked was omeprazole which my DS got prescribed privately after four agonising months trying to cope with his reflux, and a latent diagnosis of CMPA for which he is now on Neocate. It’s actually like having a different baby. NHS will want to try ranitidine first which does help so if you can ask the GP for that I would. Look up Gastro-oesophageal reflux disease for more info.

Non medicine things that helped: baby slings/carriers during the day, raising the cot, the Baby Bjorn bouncer was a godsend as it is v upright and always burping every two ounces.

for you. It does get better I promise.

A couple of minutes is fine - we've all had to do it at some point, either for a break or just because it sometimes isn't possible to respond immediately because you're doing something important (like pooping). Consider wearing some noise cancelling headphones to dull the sound a bit - I used them in hospital to drown out the sounds of the ward and they were surprisingly effective!

Oh and maybe try some Carobel milk thickener, it can help with reflux and is easy to mix in for bottle-fed babies.