Really anxious about 11 month check

[Findingthingstough18]

We've just got the questionnaire for DS's 11 month check (it's in two weeks). Looking through it, I realised that they'd included the marking scheme/scale (are they meant to do that?!) and that, assuming he doesn't make massive leaps in the next two weeks (which I know babies can do), he's going to fail the communication section and personal-social, which apparently means we should be referred on for 'further assessment with a professional'. Part of me thinks this is a bit ridiculous - I thought he was developing just fine this morning - part of me feels tearful with panic. I feel terrible that I haven't noticed, and I feel like maybe we're not doing a very good job with him - I think we've been playing peekaboo wrong and singing the wrong nursery rhymes (DH laughed when I said that, which actually seems fairer when I see it written down, it does seem ludicrous...). But then he goes to a childminder 3.5 days a week and she seems to do all the normal stuff and hasn't suggested she thinks there's anything worrying about him.

Am I being ridiculous? Or this is a real cause for concern - presumably they do this screening for a reason, and I should take it seriously?

Hi, I felt the exact same as you for my little boy’s check a few months ago. I actually now think those scales are a load of crap and they just do things when they are ready - but it someone had said that to me at the time I would have been fuming! My DS wasn’t referred for anything further and at that point he had never babbled or done most of the communications things they ‘should do’. He’s just turned one and all of a sudden babbles all the time and is starting to stand up etc which he had totally failed on in that stupid test thing. I totally sympathise with you but would urge you not to worry - my friend is a speech and language therapist and said with boys they aren’t concerned with speech or noises until more like 15 months because they can just be lazy!

I do think some of the questions are quite arbitrary. One of the reasons he fails 'personal-social' is that two of the six questions are about whether he helps us to dress him (by pushing his arm through a sleeve, and by lifting his legs up for his trousers) - he absolutely hates being dressed and wriggles and grizzles throughout, so he definitely isn't doing that, he's trying to escape and we're pinning him down! But I'm not sure that it's that meaningful about his wider abilities.

I'm sure you're right that he'll get there eventually - as I said, I wasn't worried this morning. He doesn't seem noticeably different to friends' babies, though obviously I haven't been watching them that closely.

I guess I'm a bit worried that we're not doing the 'right' things to develop him, especially as we both work (though we does have pretty much the uninterrupted focus of one or other of us in the time we are with him), and so it's made me feel both anxious and guilty.

Hi, I was worried too but really no need to be.
My lo had the check at 10 months and was picked up that lo wasn't doing a few bits on the communication and language that he should have been doing.
I first took it the same way, wondering if I was doing enough with him, but sometimes no matter what you do, they still make progress in their own time. For a while though I felt like it was a reflection of my parenting, but it wasnt, I play with him, read to him, sing to him, and talk to him so much each day, I felt I couldn't be doing much more.
The health visitor phoned me a month or so later to check he had made progress, and was happy with the progress he had made.
If your little one is alittle behind, then try not to worry, follow the advise given to you and I'm sure lo will catch up in own time.
Feel the checks do make us worry unnecessarily.

It's really nothing to worry about. They all develop at different rates - its hard when you see it written down though. I found since my LO turned one there seems to be a new development or new thing he can do every week.

Hi, my now 15 month old technically 'failed' the communication section but just to reassure you that our HV wasn't concerned at all. She looked at my DD as a little person rather than just answering the questions.

To explain, at 9 months when we had our check our DD had never babbled. When I told my HV she didn't believe me and spent a good 5 mins of the meeting trying to get her to say 'baba. DD did not oblige 😂 I then explained that whilst DD was not babbling her understanding was excellent (She was already following instructions) and she was already pointing clapping &waving and communicating well in her own way. I said that I didn't have any concerns developmentally but asked if there was anything I could do to encourage speech and the HV gave good advice. You know your child best and if you don't have concerns then explain why and the HVs are generally quite receptive.

I also echo that little ones do things in their own time. A few weeks after our check DD started babbling and I would say is now advanced with the number of words she has in comparison to others her age. She was obviously just taking it all in

Trust yourself and your instincts and don't let those tests or the HV worry you
You're doing a great job, mum x

Thanks for the advice all - have calmed down a bit now! DH also pointed out that the form says it is for children aged '11 months 0 days to 12 months 30 days' and since they booked him in for the day he turns 11 months (and so he isn't even that yet) it shouldn't be surprising that he's towards the bottom of their scale. So I imagine if he does 'fail' they'll probably do a watch and wait.

I guess what worries me a bit is that it's not really the noises he's making (he's noisy - he never stops babbling!) it's his understanding that seems behind. I haven't ever found an object that he'll look at if I say 'where's your X?', he doesn't clap, wave, point. But I also think some of it might be personality? I'm 95% certain he knows his name and what 'come here' means, but he responds to both only when he's not doing anything very interesting, and I don't know if that's because he's frankly a bit stubborn or a cause for concern. He's generally very independent - he spends all the time he can crawling away from us and exploring other rooms of the house. But he is clearly bonded to us - he cries (briefly) when I leave him at the childminder, is delighted when one of us picks him up or the other one gets home, and does what I think is his attempt at a cuddle (though it's very headbutt-y!). This might sound weird, but he seems a lot less eager to please than most babies I know?! I don't know if that's just him, or whether it's a sign he's socially behind.