Feeling like a rubbish mum

[mamatoizzybee]

Does anyone out there have any advice on when things begin to get easier with a baby?

I feel like such a rubbish mum. My baby is 3 months old today and I don't seem to be able to respond to her cues in a very timely way as I miss them when they appear and then we go into meltdown 😢

I don't know if I'm still trying to live my life that I used to have - I try to keep busy every day and meet up with friends who have also just had babies and walk round to my grandmothers house, which is a 40min walk away ...but as I'm busy doing things like this, I seem to have a grouchy baby whilst I'm out. We went into complete melt down when I was at my grandmas (I have no idea why other than I think she may have been tired) and I can't go into a shop for more than 5 mins before I run out because we go into meltdown . ...it makes me feel as though I should just stay at home and never go out until she's much older and can handle it...or should I say, I can handle it?!

I am so sad as I just don't know where I am going so wrong. I speak to other new mums who seem to have such chilled out babies , who go to sleep easily and feed well . I watch them cry and then their mum just does something (feeds or changes or burps) and then instantly the baby stops crying ..mine doesn't and the only thing that calms her is if I give her the boob, then she falls asleep!

I am trying to come away from breastfeeding but when my little one gets into such a stew nothing else will calm her but my boob, so I have to comfort feed her after I've already bottle fed her.

Are there other mums out there who feel the same?
I am eating so much sugar because I'm so exhausted and sad.

mama your not a rubbish mum at all. Give yourself a break. Slow down with the visits. Your baby maybe just over tired.

I bought the baby whisper book and it was great to teach me the different cues for one of mine. I was totally missing her tired cues and then I had a really tired grumpy baby who wouldn’t settle.

Honestly it’s worth the read. Spend a week at home with her getting her in to some form of routine. We were much more relaxed.

@Femalebornandbreed thank you for your reply. You're absolutely right. I do need to slow down . I think my baby is over tired . She is so difficult to get to sleep and I know this! I know she will only really nap if she's in a dark room with white noise and I rock her . She doesn't sleep well when we are out and about , and I know this , but yet I still insist on going out and she wakes up when she isn't ready!!

Please could you give me the name of the author of the baby whisper book and any info as I would like to google it - sounds like it would be very useful for cues .

Oooh stop with the white noise that will come back to bite you on the bum!

Tracy Hogg, the secrets of the baby whisperer. I got that one and the baby whisperer - sleep which is more focused on sleep both by the sane author. You can down load both. I’m glad I got both though.

I think we out too much pressure on ourselves to be up, out and active and to be doing something but this early stage is the best for lazy days and just focusing on what works best for baby.

When I first put my baby down for a nap whilst she was awake and she didn’t cry I thought it was a miracle

Good luck

Femalebornandbreed - why will white noise bite you in the bum? I use it. Curios.

*curious

Because as they get older and your ever in a position where you don’t have it your fooked! Same with rocking. Same with swaddling & dummies (which I’ve done all of the above )

They are crutches and one day you will have to wean them off them. Nightmare.

I never had to wean off swaddling or white noise. It happened naturally. We didn’t use dummies but if my boy had taken to one I wouldn’t have resisted. Whatever helps.

Yeah I'd second the advice of pp. slow down. Your baby is so new; give them time to adjust to you and never mind trying to do all the things you used to. There's no thanks in that at this stage. Baby is no1 priority just now and it won't do you any harm to slow down and learn this new baby lark out together. Best of luck

I do think you have to slow down. Sleep is really important for babies growth and development. Equally, getting out was really important for my mental health!

By 3 months I'd got more used to his cues, he had different cries so could work out what he was after - my husband never worked out what they meant so I had to tell him every time! I used to aim to do something with a time three times a week (so a couple of classes and a lunch/coffee date) and then have the rest of the time as free time. He would sleep in the pram so I'd take him out for a long walk most days or if he was asleep in the cot I'd get everything ready so we could go as soon as he was awake, changed and fed. Some days it worked, some days it didn't. Some days I sat for hours in a dark room with a baby fast asleep on me looking at MN.

I found it to be a big shift from a hectic work life and social life to basically making small talk about sleep deprivation and being at home a lot.