Struggling and feeling like a bad mum.

[MummaBear2019]

Recently I've been really struggling with my confidence in being a mum and I feel like I'm doing a rubbish job. Sorry if this sounds like a rant but theres so much I need to get off my chest!
Let's start with milestones, my baby boy had just turned 1 and there is so much he should be doing by now and I feel it's my fault he isn't.. for example, drinking out of a sippy cup. He knows how to hold it and get water out the spout but he just dribbles it all back out and then chucks the water everywhere. I've tried all different types of cups but still not getting anywhere with it. He wont drink water or juice at all, even from a normal bottle and with it being summer and I'm suppose to be weaning him off formula, im worried hes not gonna get enough fluids. He's a really fussy eater, (again I think is my fault as I've fed him mainly from jars and ready made bowls). Whenever I do try make a meal from scratch, he rarely eats any. I do make big portions so I can freeze some and try again on another day but he still doesn't like it. He wont really eat fruit or veg finger food, infact he wont eat any finger foods other than wotsits or toast. I try so hard to teach him things like waving, there was about a week where he did it now and again but now hes stopped. He does clap when I do it but that's about the only thing hes learnt.

I have absolutely no support from anyone, my mum lives miles away that I only see her once a month for a few hours, I had to move away from all my friends because I couldn't afford housing in my home town. I've tried baby groups a couple of times but I suffer from anxiety so trying to even have a conversation with other mums saps all my energy and then I leave feeling worse than when I went in. I am still with my partner but he doesn't help much.. he comes home, sits on the sofa and doesn't move until he goes to bed. He may make a bottle every now and again and sometimes he'll put baby in the bath whilst I make dinner but it's a rarity.

My house is constantly a mess, im really struggling to balance mum life, work life, home life and having time for myself (which again, is a rarity).

Theres so much more I could go on about but it'll be never ending.
I'm getting to a point where I just don't know what to do anymore.. any advice I'd really appreciate.

Sounds like things are really tough. Do you want to stay with this man? It sounds like you are single parent but with then benefit of having time off when your ex sees your child. Can you move back to your home town at all even if it means moving in with parents?

OP I have been where you have and I'm sorry things are tough atm

Babies don't read the parenting books unfortunately and they do things in their own time. DD was (and still is actually) an incredibly fussy eater and was behind with her milestones. I used to get very anxious about it. She's 5 now and she's still behind (turned out she has SEN; not saying this is the case for DS at all) but she is happy and healthy and it really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

A few things you could try:

See your GP about your anxiety and low mood;

Contact Homestart if you have one in your area. They were a lifeline at a very difficult time for me. I used to get anxious at groups because DD was pretty full on and would think everyone was staring and judging me. One of the volunteers would come with me so I didn't feel so alone and I eventually made some mum friends.

For the housework have you tried The Organised Mum method? That's doable and the checklists make you feel like you're actually achieving something.

If the eating and milestones are causing anxiety maybe speak to your HV. They may put your mind at rest

Things will get better OP