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Original poster

Holiday - Parent having to stay at home

29 replies

Chris0688 · 21/05/2019 11:15

Hello, i booked a holiday for my family and it cost £7k. Unfortunatly my eldest may not be able to go because my ex wont sort her passport out and i dont have enough time to take her to court to get it sorted. So my daughter doesnt feel left out while her sisters, nan and stepmum are on holiday i decided to stay back with her so she doesnt feel too left out. My partner doesnt agree to this and has said i should either go and leave my eldest with her mum or otherwise my partner said that none of them will go. Not because she feels it unfair on my eldest but instead because its not fair on my youngest daughter not having her dad go. So my partner is in a way blackmailing me to go otherwise ill loose the whole £7k i paid for the holiday. Am i wrong for choosing to stay back with my eldest?

OP posts:
RoseAndRose · 21/05/2019 11:17

Why can't you sort the passport out?

PerfectPenquins · 21/05/2019 11:19

It's not wrong to stay back with your daughter but why not just sort the passport yourself?

Summerorjustmaybe · 21/05/2019 11:19

Get a copy birth certificate and do it yourself.

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Sculpin · 21/05/2019 11:20

Blackmailing is a strong word to use here! I think it would be better to sit down and have a sensible discussion about the different options rather than throwing accusations of blackmail around. Maybe you could go on this holiday and then take your eldest away separately to make it up to her?

CIT80 · 21/05/2019 11:21

So your x is denying her daughter a chance of a lovely holiday just to be spiteful ? Regardless of how disruptive this is for you and current partner and children, I can’t understand why on Earth a mother would do that to her child !
Anyway back to your point - I think it’s lovely you wish to stay her with your daughter and whilst it isn’t ideal it would be lovely for your daughter to see how much she means to you ! Good luck I really hope someone does have a dramatic change of heart tho and the passport gets sorted x

LoveFood · 21/05/2019 11:22

Why can't you just get the passport sorted. It doesn't take long.

negomi90 · 21/05/2019 11:25

Sort the passport out. You're her dad, you can do it. Its not your ex's responsibility.
But if you don't then yes you're right. If you don't go your younger daughter will have an amazing special time with her mum.
If you do go, your older daughter will resent you and feel left out that you are off on holiday with your new family which has no room for her.

It doesn't matter who's fault her not going is (and it will be partly yours for not sorting it yourself) emotionally she will blame you for not caring enough and replacing her. That's what she will feel.

Karigan195 · 21/05/2019 11:27

Er why don’t you just sort the passport out?

changed1 · 21/05/2019 11:28

Why cant you sort her passport?

allergyhelpnewbaby · 21/05/2019 12:14

If you want to take her on holiday then surely it’s your job to sort out her passport and clothes!

GiveMeAllTheGin8 · 21/05/2019 12:17

What’s stopping you from getting passport ?

IWannaSeeHowItEnds · 21/05/2019 12:19

I think it's your responsibility to sort out logistics for things that you want to do with your DD during your access time. I'm not sure why you think it's her mum's job to sort a passport for your planned activity.

flumpybear · 21/05/2019 12:33

Yep, sort her passport out and do whatever you can by any means to ensure that your family remain strong and together, don't find yourself with another ex if you can sort the problem yourself

Drum2018 · 21/05/2019 12:41

Is dd's mother refusing to sign for a passport? At the end of the day if this is the case then surely your dd knows this and will know that it's her mother who is blocking her trip. I'd expect my Dh to come on the trip. Can dd not stay with her mum while you're away? You may see it as your partner blackmailing you, but the crux of the problem is your ex's control over you. Why should your partner have to put up with that? It's a family holiday therefore you should go and deal with your ex separately. Tough that dd can't go but that's down to the nastiness of her mother (if it's a thing that she is blocking the passport application).

Lazypuppy · 21/05/2019 14:20

Why can't you do the passport yourself??

mindutopia · 21/05/2019 16:10

I would either do the passport yourself or I would go but explain the reality to your dd (assuming she’s old enough to understand). I think if her mum is refusing to allow her a passport so that she can spend time with her whole family then if she’s old enough to understand that, I wouldn’t withhold that from her. You can only do your best and don’t want to exclude her. But I agree with your partner that you also need to be there for your younger dd too.

caughtinanet · 21/05/2019 16:27

What exactly is the problem with the passport and when are you due to go?

stayathomer · 21/05/2019 16:33

If you get a passport for a child both parents have to sign, I'd assume that's the problem? OP it's interesting you're saying your current partner is blackmailing you? Is the youngest her child and the eldest her step child and you think this is on purpose? ( I'm sorry I have no solution but it won't be much of a holiday for them if half the family isn't there so personally I'd try and cancel but that's just me)

MyDcAreMarvel · 21/05/2019 16:35

If you get a passport for a child both parents have to sign,
No they don’t .

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 21/05/2019 16:35

If you're doing this because you expect your ex to 'sort' and presumably pay for a passport which you could do yourself then you're being a bit silly.

If your ex is somehow blocking the passport (though can't think how?) then that's a different story...

FWIW this happened to us, DH ex 'lost' DSD's passport the day before we went on holiday and we all stayed home. There weren't any other children involved though.

Ivestoppedreadingthenews · 21/05/2019 16:37

I can see both sides. It’s a crappy situation.
Pretty sure you could get a same day or quick turn around passport (we did this last year). My husband went to get it and I don’t remember having to do anything...I would try to sort the passport myself rather than cancel anyone’s holiday

caughtinanet · 21/05/2019 18:33

Both parents definitely don't have to sign, I'm a single parent but even when I was still with my DCs Dad he was never involved in passport applications.

stayathomer · 23/05/2019 11:14

Both parents definitely don't have to sign, I'm a single parent but even when I was still with my DCs Dad he was never involved in passport applications.

Is it maybe the mother just has to sign then? We were told it had to be both of us (Ireland) and I was told by a friend in Scotland she had the same thing happen

allergyhelpnewbaby · 23/05/2019 11:54

The OP hasn't come back so I suspect he is just of a huff because his ex won’t do the ‘wife work’ for him anymore.

Quartz2208 · 23/05/2019 13:37

It is just she doesnt want to sort out the passport for your holiday in which case sort it yourself.

It should have been sorted before you booked the holiday

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