My husband can not understand what our four year old says

[buttmonki]

I’ve been told by teachers and friends our daughter speaks very well and clearly for her age (4.5). But my husband rarely understands her. It frequently results in her getting frustrated and upset, me having to translate and him getting all stroppy when I correct him.

He’s had his hearing checked and apparently nothing is wrong with his hearing. He refuses to accept there is an issue but it isn’t just me, a family friend can understand her, my mum can often we will be on the other side of the room and he will be talking directly with her and we can still understand better at a distance away!

What is more frustrating is he just guesses what she has said which leads to more upset and often tantrums (she very rarely has a tantrum when he is not there). So I am stuck in the middle of a tantruming four year old and a supposed adult who gets all moody because he can’t stand being wrong.

Anyone else have this issue? Any suggestions what to do about it? We have a two year old as well whose speech isn’t half as developed as her sister’s so I am dreading the day she tries to communicate with him.

Honestly this sounds quite bizarre. Has he any other behaviours which you don't like? Is he unkind or hard to live with?

Is it a case of he needs to get his ears tuned in? I remember when my nieces first started chatting, because I didn't spend as much time with them as their parents they often translated the kids for us untill I'd learned enough to listen and understand them myself. Some adults pick it up faster than others though, so maybe he just needs coached on listening properly to her?

My mum cannot understand my children! She wears hearing aids tho so more understandable but she’s similar in that she just guesses what they said....
Dd- Nanna would you like some cake?
Mum- Yes I did go to work this morning, it was fun. What have you done today? X

Is he actually listening? It sounds more like inattention than anything else. He's just not bothering to pay attention and decode her words. It's up to him to make the effort and learn how she talks.

My mum could never understand my youngest, but I could because I was the one living with him. He lives with her so should be able to decode by now.

How frustrating for you and your dc. Could be a combination of things- he's not truly listening with a patient and open mind, dc isn't providing context (pretty normal for this age!) your dh isn't trying to connect the dots, so he's probably not as tuned in to her as a result of the above and possibly less time spent together?

My PIL struggle to understand my well spoken 4yo mainly because she comes to them with really specific things that they haven't been aware of or had context for, and unless they really try they just don't understand her. Whereas i'm aware of how her mind works and the associations she makes, as well as her recent experiences so I often have to connect the dots for them.

There's a definite role of empathy here which your dh might not be adopting - trying to think like his 4.5yo is part of understanding and communicating with her.

The fact he gets stroppy though is ridiculous. The problem clearly lies with him so he needs to change how he's communicating with her and get over himself being upset about being wrong! He's probably unhappy that its happening but sulking won't fix it.

I know some people struggle to understand my 4 year old DS. He speaks really well for his age, but I guess he talks quickly and has a bit of an accent and is often prattling on about totally random stuff that has no relationship to anything relevant. I agree you often need to “tune in” to little kid speak. However my DH has no issues with it as he’s used to it.

Does he have any hearing impairment that wouldn't be obvious all the time, ie being tone deaf?

My husband has some industrial deafness and struggles to understand people who have accents when I can understand what they are saying (through his phone because he runs it pretty loud).

I would actually teach your DD how to show him what she is saying rather than tell him if he is having problems or teach her to try saying it in a different way, our DD started doing this herself and it was so helpful sometimes in understanding her, it also give them other options rather than getting upset about not being heard.

I agree it might be a 'tuning in' thing. How much time does he spend interacting/playing with her? maybe he needs to do more.
My DS has trouble understanding my DP (his dad) on the phone, even when it's on loudspeaker, he just can't decode what he's saying, even though I might be standing next to him and can understand perfectly.

Is he often away with the fairies? Thinking about work or other things when with you? No matter what I say my DH says what? As a first response. He’ll also ask me something that I’ve told him a few hours before. He just isn’t present, it’s irritating

Your FH needs to switch on as soon as she starts talking and focus on her

Some people aren't as good at languages. They struggle with accents and may require very clear articulation.

It's very irritating if other people keep suggesting you are not listening. It's a sound processing problem rather than being deaf.

It might not be his fault.

HerRoyalNotness my dh does the same thing. Infuriating. He waits until I've finished my sentence then says "what?". Surely stopping me mid sentence if he missed the first bit would be more considerate, or actually listening in the first place..! I've said I'm not repeating myself so if he doesn't bother to listen I don't bother to repeat. (Obviously only if he's in the room and clearly could have heard me if he'd bothered) It's slowly working..

I find people get more tuned in to kids talking the more time they spend with them. Sounds like a lack of patience and willingness to pay attention rather than a medical issue. Time and patkence on his part is the only way to fix this kind of thing i think

I can't understand my 6 year old nephew. No idea why. I just can't. There's nothing I can do about it. I'm sure he's not doing it deliberately. Why would he?

Young children can be difficult to understand. But usually their parents with time and attention can decide what they’re saying and help them communicate. He needs to spend more time on this with your DD, not less, and to stop getting stroppy like he’s a child himself. He needs to ask himself what she is learning from his behaviour - certainly not that she is valued.

I am someone who struggles with accents, people who talk fast. I am forever asking DH what someone said. It is not because I am not listening.

I struggle with some children but I don’t remember having too many problems with DS, but maybe I had tuned in to him. Does your DH struggle to understand anyone else either in person or on tv?

He needs to spend more time with her and actually listen to her, unless there's a reason to believe he has some kind of processing problem.