Due with baby #2 my First is 2years 3month and riddled with guilt and how I'll cope ???

[Loudloopy]

I'm sat here 2 weeks of my due date awaiting a c section date and I'm having huge anxiety at the minute of over thinking how I'll cope with 2, how my two year old will cope, he's boistress and very much a mummy's boy but not in a clingy mardy way, he lives being center of attention way, I'm scared his heart will be broken when another is here even though he shows a lot of compassion, I'm scared how I'll juggle and get out the house, find time to spend time with the husband, go to work or just have some down time, sorry to go on but all I read is negative stuff and I just want to here a bit of positivity, would love to know if anyone is in the same position as me and we can keep in touch and here from people with past experience,

Thanks in advance ladies
Xxxxxxxxx
One scared mama

I literally could have written this 4 weeks ago. My little girl 2 years 4 months but shes adjusted really well. We've included her in everything like changing nappies, holding and first baths lots of talking about what she was like as a baby. We also give her the choice of what she gets involved with. She's had to become a bit more patient and realises that she might have to wait. I make sure that when the baby is asleep we have special time together but at the end of the day they adjust really well and it's us that need time to get used to it. Btw a sling is your friend.

I got pregnant again when dd was 8 months. The amount of people who would patronisingly smile and say “you’ll have your hands full!” like I didn’t already know did my head in.

Firstly, there’s no point worrying about it in advance. You will cope one way or another, your toddler might not like the adjustment but he WILL get passed it.

The biggest thing that’s helped me now DS is here is just lowering my standards and accepting I won’t have time to have a show home and cook all dd’s meals from scratch while teaching her Japanese.

I’m ok with the house being a bit untidy, as long as it’s clean. Dd watches more Disney films than she would if I didn’t have a newborn to look after, but she’s delighted with that.

It’s ok, and if things are a bit hectic for a while it’s only temporary.

You will cope, your DS will cope, it will be fine. It’s totally normal to feel this way - I remember spending a morning in tears at 39 weeks worrying that I’d ruined DS’s life forever by the imminent arrival of no2. I hadn’t of course, but at the time I was convinced.😂

Seeing the two of them together is amazing and you will be a much more relaxed mother 2nd time around as you have a better idea of what you’re doing. Accept all offers of help and get your shopping delivered for a bit. Get DS to help you with things and also accept that he might spend a lot of time watching tv for the next few weeks. Basically do what you need to do to get through the first few weeks while you are recovering. It’ll be fine. Honestly.

And one final thing - your DS will suddenly look like a GIANT once you bring baby home.

Congratulations! This was our age gap, also with DS1 as firstborn (and we had DS2). It’s been perfect for us, all told. You will find ways of coping and adapting. Draft in help if you can. Will DS still go to his current childcare? If you can give yourself any respite during the week so you can rest during the day too... not always possible of course, I do know that.

We played the introduction of baby to DS1 very cool - took baby upstairs in his car seat then immediately went and made big fuss of DS1, mentioned his baby brother was upstairs if he’d like to take a look, gave him a present from the baby etc etc. But I didn’t pressure him to be involved if he didn’t want. After all, our choice to have the baby, not his! I made sure to loudly praise DS1 to DS2 and also make DS2 wait (not really ) for things saying “just wait, I need to look after DS1 right now”. DS1 was soon very involved and a fabulous helper but we took it at his pace.

If possible I think it really works not to rock the older one’s routine too much - so we kept DS1 bedtime the same, baby fitted in around it going down before or after. Still lots of time for 1 on 1 with DS1.