Aibu about smoking

[Peachy8]

My sil is a smoker. I have a five month old baby and hate her holding him. It makes me anxious to go round to her house because of the smoking. My husband talked to her about it and she was cross with him, saying she didnt smoke around them. How do you handle smokers?

It would bother me if someone smoked around my baby. Does your sil smoke in front of your baby or is it just that the house smells like smoke?

I wouldn’t go to the house of someone who smoked. If she wants a relationship with your dc, she can have a shower, put on clean clothes and come for a visit and not smoke til she goes home.

We don't go to her house, we meet at the grandparents. She says she hasnt had a cigarette a few hours before she seems him but i cant imagine she'd go that long. She now complains she doesnt see him but i think if she wants to see him that much, she'd just stop, or is that totally unreasonable?

I think it is unreasonable to expect her to stop smoking for your child but not unreasonable to say she must follow the NHS guidelines of not smoking for 30 before hand, wash hands and change clothes before holding your child.

Of course you can't tell her to stop smoking! You don't have to go to her house or let her hold your baby if she's had a cigarette but you can't issue ultimatums about stopping

That's entirely 100% unreasonable. And I work in the lung Cancer area. But maybe that's the reason I know people can't give up that easily, and certainly can't be expected to give up for a child they only see occasionally. That's frankly very naive. It is an addiction and it is often a lifelong (and life limiting) one.

If she doesn't smoke around him, and indeed doesn't smoke immediately before meeting him, then that is Realistically all you're gonna get.

So you have a choice to make. Either cut her out of your sons life, or accept her as she is now. The smoking is not going anywhere. She is trying to compromise.

I think you can kindly ask if she would mind changing her clothes and washing her hands before holding your baby, and definitely avoid going to her house.
My grandparents both smoked like chimneys - one day when I was about 4 years old I refused to kiss my Grandma and told her she smelled of horrible smoke - she was so upset that she never touched another cigarette for the rest of her life.

Urghh had a midwife who always stank of smoke...her smokey fingers examining me made me able to swap..my exSIL also smoked(&had about9 cats,kittens&litter trays galore)her kids always smelt of it& they all had hacking coughs on&off so it was a no brainer-she came to ours (too lazy too thank christ)as i didnt want LO in her fetid smoke filled cat-pit.

Jesus Christ you can't expect someone to quit smoking just because they will sometimes come into contact with your child!!!! And this is coming from an ex smoker.

As long as she doesn't stink of it and has clean hands it's fine.