Am I doing enough?

[sparkleblue]

My LO is 16 weeks. I feel like we're doing really well. As a first time mum I've had a lot to learn but am really enjoying my time at home.

Before the baby I was go go go. Work, meeting friends, busy weekends etc. I'm actually loving this new lifestyle, comfies on, early nights, cuddles, but I'm feeling a lot of pressure to "do more" - take the baby to more classes, go to pub lunches with friends, fill up our days with activities.

I think a lot of this is coming from my friends, who maybe expect me to have the same levels of energy as before. My family too. Sometimes myself too I suppose.

When it's just the two of us, I feel confident in my decisions to take things slow. A baby class if we can, meet ups with my NCT group, friends over for an afternoon.

But I'm increasingly getting anxious I'm not doing enough with LO. I see friends with younger babies out and about all the time. I'm worried my baby might be bored at home with me or I'm not showing LO enough of the world?

I'm also finding it near impossible to get anywhere for an exact time. So feeling increasingly anxious when friends ask that of us. Am often late or recently, have just ended up cancelling as baby has been napping or awake for long enough and in need of a nap soon.

I don't really know what I'm asking for here I suppose. Just some advice / experience from mums who have been through this. It's starting to really weigh on me and I just hope I'm doing enough!

You are doing exactly what you should be: ie what is Right for you and your baby, following your own instincts. You’ll soon know if your baby is genuinely bored-then they’ll be equally as fascinated by Tupperware, wooden spoons and the washing machine as by a baby sensory class. If you are happy and not feeling bored go with it. You never get this chance again if you go on to have more children, it’s special with your first.

Do not listen to those that tell you to do more, you are don’t precisely what is right for you and your baby.
You will know when the time is right to do more, or less.
Learn to say no.
You won’t get this time back again, make the most of it.

Don’t - do!

I think mums do too much and expect their babies to do too much. Mothers and toddlers, baby massage, swimming, etc. If you're happy, and dc is happy, that's what's important. My only rule was to go out every day, shops, walking, whatever, just for fresh air and a change of scenery.

Sounds like you are doing plenty. I don't think it's healthy to be shut up indoors all the time and never venture out, but the alternative doesn't have to be wall to wall groups and activities. It sounds like you're striking a balance that you and your baby are happy with, so keep doing what you're doing. I know it's the biggest cliché ever and a million people will have said it to you, but you don't get these days back. Spending some of your time just chilling out at home and having lots of cuddles is so special and it doesn't last long. Enjoy it.

In my experience, the hardest part of new motherhood was learning to have the confidence to ignore all the unsolicited "advice" (judgement, really) from every angle. You will never parent in a way that everybody you know agrees with. So as long as you feel happy with what you're doing, don't let your confidence be shaken.

No you're doing fine. I too felt a lot of pressure to fill up my days! I remember DS being 11 weeks old and taking him to baby sensory where I ended up faking a headache and leaving early because I was too embarrassed to say I couldn't kneel/sit on the floor without a lot of pain from my stitches. Felt an absolute failure as was there with a group who'd all given birth around the same time as me! At around 8 months, most of said group was returning to work so I stopped all baby clubs and I thoroughly enjoyed those last couple of months. Obviously I still went out but there was no pressure to be at a certain place at a certain time, if we had a shit night we had a guilt-free slobby day at home where I didn't have to worry about letting others down, I did things I enjoyed and took DS along rather than endless baby clubs where you sing the same nursery rhymes on repeat. With my second I'm not signing up for any clubs- I'm going to take this mat leave at my own pace and enjoy it!

YANBU. Those baby sensory classes are a load of money spinning bollocks. It's not until they're about 2 that they really benefit from doing activities out and about. I was like you, just wanted to stay at home, chill and nap with my baby but felt pressured to do this and that...wish I hadn't bothered. I look back now and laugh at the idea that a baby just a few months old should be taken out and about and to classes for stimulation.