Newborn breastfeeding woes

[Readytopop25]

FTM here and DD is one week old today. It’s been the hardest week of my life after a horrendous labour that went as wrong as it possibly could have!

We’re such early days but I already feel like I’m failing my beautiful DD. EBF at the moment and finding it really difficult. I was so lucky that she latched fine and I’m producing plenty of milk, but my breasts are overly full and I’m waking up in puddles of milk despite having breast pads on. They get uncomfortably full. I find it painful when she latches and during the feed at times too. She’s cluster feeding every day and haven’t been able to put her down for longer than 10 mins in the last 5 hours. I’m physically and mentally exhausted and am feeling such immense pressure being the only one who can feed her. My mum and husband have offered to take her while I sleep but she demands milk too often for me to get the chance to nap/rest/escape.

The nights feel endless up feeding her, hubby has tried to stay up with me but falls back asleep and I resent the amount of sleep he is getting. I know I still haven’t recovered from labour and we’re such early days that we haven’t established a routine yet but I really don’t think I can mentally or physically take BF for much longer. Feeling so physically weak and drained.

Does anyone have any advice on how to make BF easier, pumping or switching to FF? I’m completely clueless but feeling desperate and drained and in need of some advice.

Youre doing fab! The newborn stage is exhausting ans what youre describing sounds normal. You're supply with adjust with your DD, a week is early days. I leaked for the first 3 or 4 months!

I pumped each evening so DH could feed LO in the morning and I could have a wee lie in. Kept me sane! I just got a manual pump by avant as I didn't know how much id need it. Still using it at nearly 10 months.

Oh dear - it’s really hard work isn’t it. Are there any breastfeeding cafes or groups around you? If you. An afford a breastfeeding consultant then do it!

I’ve breastfed my first DS and then my twins. One thing I learnt is that expressing is only ever worth doing if feeding is really well established and without problems. It’s not a solution for supplementing or establishing breastfeeding. A baby is always better at getting milk out. It’s really good news you have lots of milk- your body is working out how much you’ll need regularly - and so is baby. Always remember ‘this too shall pass’ - and hopefully you’ll have a routine sooner than many purely because you have lots of milk.

It’s so consuming in the early days but in the long run it is easier! It’s much easier to feed a baby straight away from boob rather than faff making a bottle.
You shouldn’t have pain though - have you had some face to face support?
For your hubby to settle baby have you tried him using a sling? My husband couldn’t get baby to settle just holding her but when he put her in the wrap she would nod straight off to sleep.

That all said if you want to stop then stop. It’s allowed!

It sounds like you are doing really well and also really normal. Honestly it does get easier. Over supply and feeling full is normal at first and will settle down. Don't be disheartened, she's latching well and the fact she wants to feed constantly is totally normal newborn behaviour. I wouldn't advise doing anything differently, just rest as much as you can and don't try to control when she feeds - it'll settle down in a few weeks. Seek out a local breastfeeding group when you are feeling up to it. I'd also recommend "the food of love" by Kate Evans, really funny and accessible book about breastfeeding and life with a baby. I felt like you did when I first had my son (over 7 years ago now ) and this book was very reassuring and helpful

You're doing an amazing job! It is so hard! One thing that kept me sane was agreeing with my husband that he'd make me a piece of toast and a cuppa every morning without fail. It was a small thing, and often it was cold by the time I got to it, but it made me feel like someone was taking care of me too. It is such a hard stage - you're doing amazingly!

Also I would really recommend getting a lactation consultant or breastfeeding specialist from your health visitor team to come and give you some support - it is a real skill and you and your baby are still both learning! Remember to give your boobs a massage under the warm water of a shower, this will help! And breast compressions as your little one latches, that'll help too!

Cling on to the image of a few months from now, where you'll just whip it out and your baby will come for you with an open mouth and it will be a bit alarming (!) but the easiest thing in the world. You're doing a great job!!

You’re doing great! I cried so much the first week, my poor nipples were a riot.
It DOES get easier. I’m now on week 14 and stopped leaking around week 3/4. I rarely get engorged.
DS is a fat little monster so getting plenty.

You're doing great! It's overwhelming to be solely in charge of nourishing your baby but also, on the flip, it's wonderful and somethihg to feel immensely proud of. I'm on no. 3 ebf baby now and it's one of the best feelings on the world.

Ime your supply will settle around 4 weeks and by 6 weeks will be so much better. You might still leak a bit but things will feel much easier and you'll be getting into your stride.

Oh and remember to eat well, lots of calcium rich foods, lots of chocolate too and plenty of water.

It’s so exhausting in the early days. It will get easier. It has only been a week. You won’t feel better overnight but you will feel a little bit better each day. Just concentrate on establishing feeding and sleeping. You may find it is better not to express until you have established feeding. It will get better. Be patient and kind to yourself. Congratulations

You are doing really well and it is hard those first few weeks. When my milk came in I felt dolly Parton! Really uncomfortable and they never seemed to go down but after a week they went back to normal. Can you sleep when she sleeps? I know that's typical rubbish advice. I also got one of the close to me beds which has really helped this time round. Keep going

Don’t think anything can prepare you for the first week with number one - sounds like you’ve done so well to establish feeding - try and nap when the baby does and spend lots of time with feet up whilst cuddling and feeding - I found a morning tiny bottle of the ready made formula gave me a chance to have couple hours lovely sleep and dropped this after first few weeks to EBF but I know some don’t like that idea - the leaking will settle it’s just early days. Hope you have lots of nice food and fluids for the weekend and ignore any mean response on here x

Breastfeeding is often short term pain for long term gain. It's really tough for the first few weeks but then it usually clicks. I think formula is probably easier in the first weeks, but formula never gets easier, it stays the same, whereas generally breastfeeding becomes very quick and convenient. If you can persevere then it could be worth it.

Agree about getting partner to take baby in a sling - my DD sometimes wouldn't settle just with lying or sitting on him in the early weeks, but if my DP wandered about with her then she often nodded off. Otherwise get snacks aplenty within reach, Kindle beside you or Netflix on, make sure your partner is getting you drinks and doing nappy changes etc., slather on nipple cream and grab sleep whenever you can. Forget about anything like household stuff for the time being.

Oh also, it's important your husband learns how to soothe her without boob too and gets the opportunity to try things on his own with her. My partner took my DD for a few hours when I got home exhausted from our longer hospital stay and I put earplugs in and went to sleep as I was on the verge of collapse. He says she cried a bit for the first while but he tried various things to settle her and found something that worked for them both. Now I can hand her over quite happily and she settles with him perfectly well.

It sounds like you’re doing an amazing job.

My supply settled around six weeks, although I do still leak if she misses a feed for whatever reason.

Could your husband or mum take the baby out for a walk? Often babies who won’t settle manage a lot better if they’re being moved in a pram, or in a nice stretchy sling. I remember I used to say she wouldn’t settle for my husband, then I discovered that as soon as I went to bed he was putting her in the bouncer. Babies like to be held, and do in general scream their heads off as soon as they’re put down! Skin to skin with dad might also keep her settled too!

Honestly it does get better. My dd is ten weeks old now and although breastfeeding was a complete marathon in the beginning, it now is a million times easier

Just to add to the chorus of voices - it will get easier! I found the first few weeks of breastfeeding so hard, coupled with physical recovery from a difficult labour in with my birth plan (water birth, essential oils, gas and air only...haha!) went out of the window.
Establishing breastfeeding is honestly the hardest thing I have ever done but it suddenly got easier and I am so pleased I stuck with it.

Advice I would give:

1. Go to breastfeeding support group/coffee group with breastfeeding peer supporter/pay for private lactation consultant. I did all of these.
2. If you need to give your nipples a rest if they are damaged then use a pump but at this stage that's the only reason I would use a pump - you need to get your supply to regulate.
3. Yep I've been there - waking up covered in cold sour milk. Lovely. Fresh lansing pads on in a soft bra before you go to bed. Change after a night feed if you need to. Your supply will regulate and settle down I promise.
4. It is really overwhelming EBF - because you are 100% responsible for feeding a very demanding customer. It can be lonely. Therefore have 0% expectations for what else you will achieve in the next few weeks.

Also - just because you mentioned the labour - don't beat yourself up at all about it if you are doing so - first time labours are often difficult. Some get lucky and have a straightforward time, most don't.

Keep going - honestly it does get easier. The best approach I took was to think "i'll make it to the end of the week and if it's still really really hard, I'll stop." And then that became "I'll make it to the end of the fortnight" then the end of the month, etc etc, until the baby was 12 weeks old and I didn't worry about it at all anymore. Good luck and do get help if you need it.

Sorry I meant fresh lanisinoh pads! Not lancing pads, they sound horrible!

It gets easier I promise! I’m 2 weeks in with baby number 3 and I’m getting less full and leaky already. We’re still in cluster feeding stage but it passes eventually. The thing that I find makes it easier is co-sleeping, I get so much more sleep that way.

If you’re finding it too hard, it is okay to start using formula, breastfeeding is lovely but formula isn’t evil. It’s hard to hear everyone saying how amazing and worth the hard bits breastfeeding is when you’re struggling, I was the same! My DS is now combi-fed as he’s a hungry baby and when I was struggling everyone telling me I was doing great and keep it up didn’t help, it made me feel worse as I felt I was being selfish to DS by giving him formula - I wasn’t. I wasn’t failing him and you’re not failing your DD if that’s what you choose to do, however, do you know what would be failing her? Not doing what you need to to keep you both happy and well and if that means formula, then do it. You are obviously a really caring Mummy for trying hard and asking for advice! Do what you have to.

Having a baby that is latching well and an abundant supply is a good thing, but your body takes time to adjust to all the changes so it’s normal that it’s hard and painful (assuming latch is good, no bleeding nipples, etc). The pain in the first few weeks is often letdown pain (it was toe curling!!), but it goes away once your body gets used to all the hormones. I had no pain at all after 3 weeks and much less after 2. It seems impossible to imagine now, but it really does get easier.

Let your mum and dh help though because you need a break. Feed her well and then hand her off and they can take her for a walk for an hour or two. She’ll be fine in that time and likely sleep. But you need your rest. Also my dh and I did nights in shifts with ours for the first 4-6 weeks. I did a feed at 7pm ish, handed them off and took myself to bed. He wore them in a sling until 10 ish and I did another feed, then he took them back til about 12-1am. Our youngest he used to wear in the sling and spend about 2 hours walking laps of the house so I could sleep. Then 1am ish we traded off and I took over the rest of the night. I slept on the sofa and watched tv during feeds and baby slept in the carrycot in between. It meant we each got a good 5 hours of sleep a night which was enough to maintain our sanity.

Thank you so much everyone for all the replies and all of the support. Feeling a little less alone hearing all of your stories. It’s definitely a learning curve and I feel as though I’m barely dragging myself through. The evenings are definitely the worst when she’s non-stop feeding and it’s just mentally draining as much as physically and I find myself in floods of tears. Will try to stick at breastfeeding for as long as I can, interested in pumping so that DD can keep benefitting from the breast milk with less of the pressure on me, understand that this can mess up my milk supply at this stage but is it doable and if so how do I go about it? Want to ask midwife but not seeing her until Thursday which feels an age away. Just want to do what’s best for DD without completely costing me my mental health.

The first couple of weeks were really tough, I remember. No one warned me about cluster feeding and I was exhausted and miserable. However it got better, by about six weeks it felt soooo much easier.

If you want to keep going and you are in pain, consider some nipple shields, they helped me tremendously. If you want to mix feed, then the odd bottle of formula to have a break and a few hours sleep is not going to be the end of the world, I promise. Remember, at this stage, happy mum = happy baby.

Pumping at this stage on top of your feeds will increase your supply.

Something I do is give a bottle of formula once a day to take off the pressure. Mixed feeding works really well, I think. Some people would disagree but one bottle of formula a day won't effect your supply, particularly if you are going to pump once a day as well.

You could always go back to EBF afterwards but one bottle a day might take the pressure off.

Many congrats OP.

You are doing so well. Breastfeeding is really hard work. I bf both of my two DS’ it was much harder than I thought it would be. I did give my two a bottle of formula now and again in the evening, just to give me a break, if I was sore or tired out and then would bf again in the morning, it worked well for me. DS1 was bf until he was a year old. DS2 for 10 months. Your HV or breastfeeding councillor will be able to advise.

Hello all,

In a similar situation I guess to lots of lovely mummies on here.
My second child is nearly 2 weeks old and i have decided to stop BF. Multitude of reasons really; the first being I am so miserable feeding, it's so incredibly painful despite my latch being checked on several occasions. I am so unhappy feeding and feel like I am unable to devote any meaningful time to my 2 year old daughter. Not to mention having no sleep at all with feeding every 30min to hour all night. I can't carry on this way as it's affecting whole family.

My question really is does anyone have any advice on going cold turkey BF.
Only 12 days in will it hurt that much?
Any advice appreciated!