Hi there,
I used to work as an early years teacher and I always had a biter or two in my class. There is nothing to worry about or to be ashamed of!
Biting is pretty normal at this age. This unpleasant phase usually stops when they develop and improve their language and communication skills along with their problem-solving skills, sometimes around the age of 3 and 4.
It might seem like that there was no reason for your daughter to bite, but there is always a reason. Some examples:
- Getting attention
- Acting in self-defence
- Exploring cause and effect (What is going to happen when I bite?)
- Experiencing the feeling of biting
- Can’t express her feelings, thoughts
- Feeling strong and in control
In most cases, ‘our biters’ bit or wanted to bite when they were in such a situation that they couldn’t express themselves with words. For example, when their peers snatched their toys the easiest and quickest reaction was to bite or when they were already upset about something and whoever came enough close to them got bitten.
How did we, teachers deal with this? We observed the child. We wrote down everything what we thought could be important such as the place where the biting happened, the time when it occurred, the children who got involved, the possible reasons why it could happen and how the child who bit acted before and after the bite.
We had meetings with the parents and created a plan that we both followed through. All children who were once biters eventually stopped biting, and for that to happen we had to be patient and consistent.
Tips I can give you that worked for us:
1.) Be consistent
2.) Help your child to improve her communication skills and offer acceptable ways to express herself.
3.) Encourage her to use her words.
4.) Support your child positive behaviour choices by acknowledging those, for example, you can say to your daughter “Well done. You wanted to play with the trains so you used your words to ask your friend to give them to you.”
5.) Try to prevent future bitings by staying close and stepping in, then ask your child what’s the matter and how you can help her. Remind her that biting is not a good choice and what she could do instead.
6.) If your child bites, be firm and explain her using short sentences what happened and that the person she bit is in pain. Offer her choices what she can do now and next, for example, “You bit Amy. Amy doesn’t like it, she is crying because it hurts. How can we make Amy feel better? You can say sorry or/and give her a cuddle/bring her an ice pack etc.”
7.) Imaginative play helps a lot. Your daughter could pretend to be a vet to help animals or a doctor to help people/dollies… This kind of play supports children’s emotional development and improves their social skills.
8.) Books about biting and positive behaviour choices.
I truly believe that your daughter will pass this phase and because you will do your best, there is nothing to worry about. Keep doing what you think is right and what your daughter’s teachers suggest (if you agree with them of course).