Brave decision - is it the right one?

[MrsMuggins]

Hi, I'm new on here although have been reading chat for a while now. I have 2 ds (6 & 4) and have been debating for a LONG time now whether to go for no. 3. It's something I've always wanted but it's not quite that simple. I have OCD and although physically I had an excellent time when pregnant I was awful mentally (esp. 1st time round). I was on AD's both times. The boys are very spirited and neither are particulary easy going (both have had to see a paediatrician & psychologist for different reasons). I'm a SAHM which I enjoy although it can be boring and I don't find it easy when I'm on my own with the boys as they are highly strung. Despite all of this I feel almost desperate to have a 3rd baby as 2 doesn't quite do it for me. However, although my heart say go for it my head, rather sensibly says no. SO I have decided to go with my head and accept the 2 wonderful ds I have. Please someone tell me they think this is the right thing to do! I'm 33 by the way!

Its personall choice if its wat you want go for it there is a thread about thats got all the reasons to have and not to have a third child!

I realize the ultimate decision lies with me. I suppose the stumbling block in my case is the mental health issues - is it too big a risk to take! I think the answer is probably yes but that's quite a hard pill to swallow for me.

MrsM - this is very interesting to me as I have/had OCD and it was particularly bad during pregnancy and after the birth of my son. All pretty manageable now - and this was all a long time ago (10 yrs) bbut I still suffer from aklmost constant anxiety. I didn't have another child partly because dh was happy with the one, as was I - our family did feel complete - also I was an older mum and it would've been pushing it to have another,unles I'd gone for it straightaway -and at that time I was adjusting myself and getting used to parenthood etc. However, I do sometimes think that maybe my OCD might have prevented me from going for it a second time - and I also wonder what legacy I might have passed on to my son.

that all sounds a bit gloomy in retrospect !! sorry, just wanted to let you know how it felt for me,hope it's not unhelpful.

Interesting MaryAnnS what you say about passing it on as I do worry already about both of mine. As I said, they've both seen a psychologist for various reasons so maybe there is something in that.

ds is very conscientious and a bit of a worrier but doesn't have any OCD -like rituals - his dad is quite nervy so I'd be surprised if he didn't inherit some characteristics like that - I always hope I'd recognise the signs if he was developing it, but I reckon he's fine. I didn't get it from anyone in my family !!

No not unhelpful at all. It's good to know you're not on your own with these things as it can sometimes feel like that! Also wondering whether a bit of outside pressure (have heard people utter 2 is not quite a family, 3 is the new 2, ).

that'd make me a bit cross - I do feel a bit out of the gang by just having the one child - almost everyone I know who has children has more than one. 2 is a great number and 3 is fine if you want 3, but you shouldn't feel swayed by other people's ideas - just go with how you feel inside.

Thanks for that. It does make me cross and I'm the sort of person who worries what other people think. I suppose if I'm really honest with myself I do want another but I have to consider the family I already have and put them first. It's hard to make the decision but no-one said life was easy!

good luck MrsM - let it mull over in your mind for a while - you're only 33 and needn't rush to make a decision.

True - age on my side! Will keep an eye out for any more gems of wisdom!

I'm not sure this is entirely relevant but...
I'm not sure I'm going to be able to get off my lithium to have number 2 (bipolar). Dd is only 7 months mind, but every withdrawal gets worse for me. I guess I am trying to be at peace that good mental health is so vital for me and my existing child - for you and your existing children - that it may just be too dangerous to risk it.
But I also think it is a grieving process as you miss the family size you might have had if things were otherwise. I do feel for you, it is so hard.

That's completely relevant as I would have to come off my tablets to have a third and it's always a struggle. Last time I managed 3 months. Then I'd probably have to go back on while pregnant. I'm beginning to accept the decision not to have another and time is helping me to be at peace with that and to realize how lucky I am anyway. It is hard but it's true that I do need to be mentally fit and healthy to look after my boys. I hope you are enjoying your dd.

mylittlefreya - good point there