Can your 3 year old play by themselves?

[Summerdays2014]

Hi,

I have a 3.4 year old who is incapable of playing by himself for even 5 minutes. It’s exhausting and makes no difference if we are out or at home. He will be an only child (by choice) and I’m worried he will never be able to play alone! There are only so many play dates we can do and so many times I can play superheroes without losing my mind!

What are your experiences? Thanks in advance.

My 3 year old can but my 6 year old can’t! I think it’s a personality thing.

My DD is 3.5 and loves to play by herself which is a godsend when needing to get things done.

Will he play with construction toys, small world toys and play dough, paint etc...?

Ricekrispie22 Not without me!

I wouldn’t mind so much if he would play a range of things like jigsaws, drawing, board games etc but it’s always pretend imaginary play (which I always play “wrong”)

Yeah, I used to realise that I hadn’t seen or heard DD2 for an hour and there she’d be, deeply engrossed in whatever she was doing.
Definitely a personality thing though, DD1 still needs constant attention.

My 3yo can and does play independently, though not 'on demand', just when she feels like it. My nearly 6yo definitely didn't at that age though and doesn't find it very easy to even now, though they do play together nicely when they want to. Definitely personality, but maybe oldest or only children find it more difficult? I know if felt like I had to entertain my eldest when she was a baby whereas youngest was pretty much left to it!

Some kids are better at it than others. Ds1 and DS3 are, but ds2 still follows me around the house saying 'but what can I DO?' whenever left to his own devices.

It's extra hard with eldest and only children, as they get used to the attention and also don't have other children to play with. It helps me to change spaces occasionally - so lure him outside, or move to the living room, or head to my bedroom and let him try on my jewellery while I sort things. He's also an age where he can start to help properly with jobs - so if you are cleaning, he can 'dust', or sort out socks. Our DC's also know that if they have nothing to do then I will give them jobs to do, which definitely helps a bit too!

I usually try to spend some one-on-one time with my DS before I ask him to play independently. I “fill up his tank” so to speak and then he’s content to occupy himself.
He’s likely to be overwhelmed if you simply tell him to “go play by himself”. Sometimes my DS will pick something to play with (his fire engines are especially popular) but sometimes he needs an little inspiration. I might help him build a fort or start a block city for him.
Although I don’t interrupt, I do respond once or twice to requests to “watch this, Mum!” I admire what’s going on, comment on how nicely he’s playing, and maybe ask a question (“did your fireman make any rescues today?”).
Then he’s back to his play and I’m back to housework! If he keeps wanting attention from me, I’ll let him know I’m busy and he will have to wait.
If he’s playing nicely, I try to complain about mess all over the room. When playtime is over, we’ll probably spend a few minutes picking up together, but while he’s playing, he’s free to play as he wishes (within reason).
Perhaps try warning in advance that you’ll be leaving him for a few minutes (say, to wash some dishes), but don’t go too far, and make sure you come back when you say you will.