Donating to a food bank for Child’s Birthday, is this a thing now?

[DarlingCoffee]

I feel like I need some guidance from the wise folk of Mumsnet! We have received an invitation to a birthday party and upon rsvp-ing the parent has told us they don’t want birthday presents but would prefer us to bring a donation to the party so they can give it to a food bank. The child is four years old by the way. What’s the etiquette here as I’ve never come across this one before?! I will bring something for the food bank of course (although in this circumstance I don’t know what to bring) but I kind of also feel bad for the child here, about not receiving any presents, especially as they are so young. I would welcome any advice on this as I feel rather conflicted!

Wow, Thats a first , I’m sure the child will not go without

It's common in some places to give a small amount of money, some to the child, some to charity. The children don't go without in families who have a lot of relatives.

DD is very charitable and was from quite young. I think it's lovely. She's always trying to donate to animal charities and for 'homeless children'.

I would be happy to do this for a wedding or adult gift but it seems a bit tough on a 4 year old. I'd go along with it as that is what was asked for but I hope its not the start of a trend. Spend on food whatever you would have spent on the present. Look up the tressel trust to see what donations are needed and add a nice tin of chocolates.

That sounds like a lovely thing to do. If the parents and close family are buying the child gifts then it certainly won't miss out!

The child doesn't need a gift from everyone coming to the party!

It's a nice idea but a weird one. I would bring along something for the food bank but also a small gift for the birthday boy like a book or something.

What a nice idea. I assume they means tins and packets and child can be pleased with how much they’ve collected and excited about dropping it off.
Plastic tat isn’t the only way to make a child feel special.

We had this recently for a 5th birthday party and it made absolute sense under the circumstances. The kids in question are twins, the party was enormous (about 50 kids) and the family is wealthy so want for nothing. They asked for a donation to a charity instead of a gift. Really lovely idea.

I would get something for the food bank, they always seem to ask for meat and fish items in my area.

I would also sellotape a £2 coin into the card for birthday child, maybe with a small note praising their generosity.

It does seem like an odd choice for a kids birthday. I hate birthday fundraisers in general though.

It does seem like an odd choice for a kids birthday. I hate birthday fundraisers in general though.

Why on both counts? DD regularly donates her own pocket money, unprompted. Makes her feel good.

I think it’s a lovely idea. Stops the waste or buying and wrapping presents and helps out the disadvantaged. I’m sure that the child was have a lovely party and some presents from family and won’t go without.

Much better than a tacky request for money.

That's a great idea. My niece has a huge family and gets lots of pressies but when she had her first big birthday party for her 3rd birthday with her nursery friends the amount of presents was insane! It took her two weeks to open them because she was so overwhelmed.

When I was around 6 yo I had a friend who’s bday was near mine. We used to have charity bday parties with donations instead of gifts. A few people still brought gifts but not everyone. I don’t remember being at all upset about it.

Joint parties that should have said!

Locally a little one just did that idea, but for the animal shelter. All gifts were for animals, like bags of feed, leashes, blankets, chew toys etc and then the birthday child got to go and drop it all off, and meet some of the animals they'd be helping.

I think that's a lovely idea.

Large parties can bring more presents than children know what to do with

I used to run a children’s charity and we regularly had children ask for donations to the charity in place of presents. I think it’s a great idea.

That’s lovely. No please don’t bring a present. There’s a reason people don’t want piles of cheap plastic birthday tat. I’d respect their wishes. Most children get plenty of presents for their birthday.

For ideas on what to take try the list from Trussell Trust. If you know which bank they may have a list on website or Facebook

A typical food parcel includes:

Cereal
Soup
Pasta
Rice
Tinned tomatoes/ pasta sauce
Lentils, beans and pulses
Tinned meat
Tinned vegetables
Tea/coffee
Tinned fruit
Biscuits
UHT milk
Fruit juice

Alongside the standard food parcel, food banks try to provide some essential non-food items to adults and children in crisis.

The list sets out what food banks generally need the most, but please always check with your local food bank before donating to see what supplies they are currently most in need of.

Toiletries – deodorant, toilet paper, shower gel, shaving gel, shampoo, soap, toothbrushes, tooth paste, hand wipes
Household items – laundry liquid detergent, laundry powder, washing up liquid
Feminine products – sanitary towels and tampons
Baby supplies – nappies, baby wipes and baby food

www.trusselltrust.org/get-help/emergency-food/non-food-items/

I think it’s a great idea, DC don’t need a present from everyone attending the party, I can remember when my DS was younger & we had parties, people were very generous but 90% of the gifts ended up going to the charity shop. Much better to ask for specific donations.

God I'd love that. The obligatory present just lead to an overwhelming amount of tat that DS can't appreciate or play with. I think that's much better and I'd prefer it both as a giver and "recipient".

Great idea. I might use it when my DS is older. Saves them getting lots of toys they don't want/need and helps teach them about helping others. What's not to like?

Love this idea, think its lovely!!

We have a huuuge family and DD gets a fair amount so certainly wouldn't go without, maybe its the same for this family?
I mean if it's just for one year then great!
X

I think it's a good idea. Children don't need that many presents.

I haven't come across the Food Bank idea, but my son went to one requesting charity donations when he was about 7. The family was well off and the boy had agreed to it. I only did the donation and didn't give a present, because I believe in doing what people ask for.

Ive seen it for teenagers birthdays (their choice) but it's a good idea, kids have a lot and this family are helping others