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AIBU? Dad hasn't bonded with baby 4 weeks on.. I'm devastated

6 replies

MommaToThree · 09/05/2019 21:11

Aibu to be upset? My youngest dd is 4 weeks old in a couple days however I noticed just before dh's paternity leave were about to end that he'd not really spent much time with the baby, be it cuddling her, feeding her, soothing her etc however I let it go and thought I were over thinking things due to my hormones. Now dd is almost 4 weeks old and he's definitely 'avoiding' her. He still doesn't spend time with her, doesn't cuddle or kiss her and just isn't loving or tentative towards her like he were our older ds & dd! He were the one who first broached the 'let's have another' conversation leading to us having her so I know it's not that he didn't want her. I have broached the subject with him and he has said he feels as though he hasn't really bonded with her but this really didn't seem to phase him however it's left me feeling totally shattered and really upset. What do I do? 😩

OP posts:
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 09/05/2019 21:13

I suspect it’s just that new born stage when many fathers don’t feel they have a lot to add as it’s mainly mummy time-I’m sure as she grows it will change-it certainly did with my DH,x

Confusedbeetle · 09/05/2019 21:14

I think your expectations are off the scale. Plenty of fathers do not develop a relationship with new born babies

EgremontRusset · 09/05/2019 21:14

I didn’t bond with my baby for longer than that. Now I love him to bits. So, I’m guessing it’s temporary.

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user1474894224 · 09/05/2019 21:14

Nothing. If he's a great dad it will happen with time. Was he busy looking after the other kids when on paternity leave? Does he enjoy older kids more than babies? (No excuse for not pulling his weight....but he might be helping in other ways.) I'm sure he'll get there.

Fooferella · 09/05/2019 21:17

DH didn't really bond with DS until he was about 4 months. I had a bad tummy virus and DH had to do everything for 4 days and that was that, he was in love. Don't worry, if he's committed to you and your baby it'll come.

helpmum2003 · 09/05/2019 21:20

I bet he's been busy with your older kids. He'll get there, don't worry....

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