Prepare DS for staying with other people when I go in labour

[BingBo]

DS is 6. He so far has warmed up with the idea of having a baby brother.

Our problem is that we don't have family nearby. So when the time comes for me to go in labour and make the trip to hospital, we'd have no choice but to send him to stay with whoever we could find available to help at that time.

Anyone had similar situation? How did you prepare / have the talk with the little one to make sure he does not see it in the wrong way?

I don't want to scare him with the stressful moment of going through contraction. So not sure even how to explain him that he can't stay around me.

Does he have friends nearby? Can you do a trial sleepover in advance do it’s seen as a fun thing?

Where is he going to go? I assume you have a plan! And I second doing a trial night or 2 so he gets used to it if you think he’ll be anxious being away.

I had my friends 2 year old overnight when she had her second. She is best friends with my DS, so was used to being at my house and was excited by the “sleepover”. My friend had a bag packed with pjs and things for her in the car ready to go.

Fortunately my parents were able to watch my eldest (2 at the time) when I had my second dc, but if they didn’t make it on time (we live abroad) then I had a back up plan for him to go to my friends house.

Sorry but if there's 2 of you why? Yes its ideal and nice if dad can be there for the birth but it's not essential especially if you have other children's needs to consider.

You clearly don't have anyone either you or your child are close enough to that they'd be obvious choices so you need to give serious consideration to his dad staying with him.

I agree with @Graphista - if you are just going to have to hope for the best and that someone will be available to take care of him, it might be better to mentally prepare to give birth on your own and your husband to stay home with your son. I can imagine that would be a real shock to your system if you were assuming your DH was going to be there and then he wasn't able to be.

I'd ask a friend to look after him and have a practice run first. A sleepover would be fun for him. Failing that, can you find a night nanny through an agency who would look after him in your house? Again with a practice run. It would be costly though.
I'd want my DP at the birth and he'd want to be there.

You definitely need a plan of who you are going to ask. You can’t just wait till the time comes and wing it.

Either decide on someone and ask them and plan a practice or Dad will have to stay with your son while you go it alone.

He'll be fine. Make a plan with someone (preferably with a back up if you have a choice). Do a trial run if possible. Give whoever it is something your DS really likes, a new Lego kit or something that's pretty distracting . That way he'll associate his time with your chosen person as a fun experience.
If he has to go to the other person's house, make sure his teddy or any special favourite gets packed and let it be known he can have a sweetie or a cake or something he only has on special occasions. Bribery is your friend. Good luck with the baby. Congratulations

I'm currently 33 weeks pregnant and I have two DC aged 4 and 3. I'm Living abroad at the moment but will be traveling back to the uk next week to give birth. Unfortunately my husband won't be able to be with me when I give birth. I think you are really lucky to have your husband there because mine would of just looked after the kids while I give birth. I'd prefer that situation a million times over than giving them to someone else to look after. I have to leave them with his Aunty and she's really good with kids but I'd still be worrying about what if they needed me or their dad. If you need your partners support while giving birth then I can understand that too.

Thank you so much, ladies.

My first safe choice will be away that week. I didn't expect the due date falls into half term!

So unlikely I can follow my backup plan if the baby arrives that week.

I will consider either DH stays with DS, or hire a nanny... In either case, difficult to do a trial run.

And if the labour starts during the daytime in the half term, DH would be at work! I think I will have to send DS to a camp just in case having to handle the situation alone with him around!

I’d probably book him into holiday camp anyway for the week - you’ll either be hugely pregnant, potentially in labour or have a newborn. You can always not send him if you feel he needs a rest day

I’d probably book him into holiday camp anyway for the week - you’ll either be hugely pregnant, potentially in labour or have a newborn. You can always not send him if you feel he needs a rest day

I’d echo this.

Also though - unless you have reason to expect a very fast labour or other complications, I’m not sure you need to be so worried about being alone with DC1 in the early stages? I have a similar age gap (DS was a few weeks off 6 when DD was born), and I was pretty sure I was in labour when I picked DS up from school that day. It was actually a really special few hours - just getting on with stuff, eating tea, tidying up a bit, him timing my contractions with an app while I waited for my mum (birth partner) and sister (childcare) to arrive. Most likely you’d be in same position while waiting for DP to get back from work? It was just DS and I from 3.30 til about 6, and DD was born at 22.30, for context (ie yes I’m talking about ‘proper’ labour and not just the odd twinge!).

In my case DS did end up staying for the birth itself (home birth) and while that’s not to everyone’s taste it was a lovely experience for him and I think helped him not feel scared or pushed out (he was really opposed to the idea of the baby throughout my pregnancy). My DSis was responsible for him and would’ve taken him away at the first sign of difficulty (for him or for me), so I was completely ‘off duty’ and just concentrating on what I was doing. I’d spoken to him in advance - he knew it would hurt but that the body is designed to do it and that I would be able to cope. He knew that it was possible I’d need to go into hospital and the midwives would look after me and the baby and keep us safe, and that his aunty would look after him for as long as it took. We talked about it for months, following his cues. I took him to a private scan (once I’d had a clear anomaly scan already) and he loved that, I helped him feel her kick, I did her ‘voice’ talking to him. All sorts of things, preparing for the baby and preparing for the birth.

I wasn’t in any position of uncertainty really - I don’t have a DP, but my mum was always going to be my birth partner and my sister was always going to have him (unless it was all done and dusted while he was at school). There were plan Bs and Cs (his old childminder, a couple of friends’ mums he knew and would be comfortable with) and he knew those and also knew they were unlikely. Absolute worst case scenario, my mum would’ve taken him and I’d have laboured alone with a midwife (which I guess is equivalent to your DP staying with DS). I think I’d try to make as certain a plan as possible for your DS... and yes, wherever he ends up, make it a treat with new Lego or sweets or staying up watching a film and eating popcorn or whatever. (My DS still talks very fondly about going out to McDonald’s late in the evening with my sister while I was in labour! And he spent a lot more time than usual playing on the iPad...)

Hope all goes well.