Head says 2, heart says 3

[DothrakiHoardeOnAnOpenField]

Currently have 2 children, a boy and a girl. Very close in age and still very young so not sure how we will feel in a few years (it would be a few years before we even had the chance to have another).

My head says we should stick with 2:

• one parent per child/ one hand for each child
• everything is built for a family of 4 eg family tickets for days out
• more money for holidays and nice things for the children as they get older, school trips etc
• a bedroom each
• we are just coming out of the baby stage now and are both in toddler years and I actually feel like I've come out of a thick fog
• better quality time with each of them as they get older, and even as adults

But my heart says 3:

• we both come from families with more than 2 children and both like the idea of 3, and enjoyed the chaos as children
• I do feel really sad that if we stuck with 2 I would never have another baby to grow, never be pregnant again and experience childbirth again
• we always thought we would probably have 3 so I would feel cheated that I'd missed my "last baby" as it were in not thinking it would be my last and lapping up every tiny second of it, rather than getting through 2 kids under 2 and wishing a lot of it away

I know this has been asked before, but please could you tell me your experiences of having 2 or 3 and if there were any reasons for that. I'm really struggling with it at the moment, I think because my littlest one isn't quite a baby anymore it's been on my mind.

I don’t have 2 or 3, so I’m sorry I can’t help based on my experience, but I thought the reason why I’m sticking with 1 might be something else for you to consider - and that is, I could maybe handle one more but what if it’s twins or triplets or even more

I had twins for number three, there are two other mums at school who also did
I know a woman that had triplets for her third pregnancy
You might not be able to conceive again
It's not always that straight forward to just decide to have another baby

I had a boy and a girl and it was almost like you have to stop as you have a pair - but I just knew I wasn’t done and our 3rd just made us so complete as a family !! So from my experience I would say go for it 👍👍👍

I have two of my own and two step children. I didn’t go for more because 1) we had in effect 4; 2) why tempt fate after 4 healthy kids; 3) my age; 4) money; 5) my sanity.
A baby always grows so will you then yearn for another?

Our third is a blessing and a joy,, we wouldn’t be without him and the eldest two love him. We didn’t listen to any practical reasoning to stop at 2, we knew we wanted 3 and are happy we did.
However, we can afford 3. I wouldn’t want to be really skint all the time with growing kids and the constant demands for shoes, clothes... and the teenage years.
It’s also nice to be able to go on holiday as a family

Do it

Generally I think you regret the ones you didn't have, not the ones you did!

We’re 4 months in to our third. So far it’s been fab! Obviously we’re knackered and hasn’t all been plain sailing but it’s lovely. I was very apprehensive of going back into the baby stage (other DC are 5 and 3) but it hasn’t been as much of a shock to the system as I was anticipating.
However we already have a big enough car for us all and enough bedrooms for one each so didn’t have that concern.

Oh and we didn’t have a third because I wanted another baby... quite the opposite. I wanted a bigger family and a third child, the baby stage is the worst bit!

I love the idea of 3 but I know we are done at 2. I already feel spread so thin. All the reasons you gave are my reasons too.
I feel that my heart/hormones will always say one more. I could have 10 and would always want one more pregnancy, birth, newborn.
The thing is these things are so wonderful because they are so brief and fleeting and limited.

So I know my head knows better than my heart - two and done.
That said it sounds like you aren't done. Why not say yeah, we'll go again in a couple of years, then forget about it for a while?

We have 3. Yes it's more expensive. Yes logistics are harder. Yes you need a larger car. Yes holidays are more challenging. But I wouldn't change it for the world. (We have 4 hands between us. Two arms each and a lap for cuddles.)

Very interesting, all the replies.

I think probably the largest factor for us would be money. We are not well off by any means and struggle to get by now. Add a third into the mix and I would definitely need to go back to full time work sooner than I would maybe need to with the 2 we have.

Another reason for having a third that I forgot yesterday was the fact that although we both come from larger families ourselves, none of our siblings are yet to have children and tbh it seems highly unlikely/a long time in the future for various reasons. Which means that ours would have no cousins.

But, another reason against having a third is the fact that my second born would be the dreaded "middle child". Usually I would dispel this as a myth, but I know my sibling is a middle child and probably in hindsight got a bit left out when we were younger. Does anyone have any experience of middle child syndrome?

I swing from moments of relief that we will never have another and being able to pour myself wholly into these 2, to moments of sadness that I will never have another baby and having a "quiet" household with just the 2. Plus them being one of each sex some people have said is lonely growing up.

Anyway, like a pp said perhaps go with the flow and review in a few years.

Heart every time, assuming you can afford it and Dh is in board.
We have a huge age gap as I let my head rule for far too long. Now dc3 is finally here and I no longer feel like we need more. He completed our family.

I have 3, two boys 10&8 and a girl 18 months... ideally I'd have had a smaller age gap but it took a while to persuade my husband to try for a third and had a couple of losses. My family is now complete. I always wanted 3 even if I'd had one of each to start with I'd have still wanted a third. I also would have been happy if my third pregnancy had been twins as I'd have loved my daughter to have a sister or another sibling closer in age but are not going for a 4th as DH has had snip now lol!

I have to say as I knew she was my last baby I did make the most of all the tiny baby cuddles but it has made every milestone bittersweet - the last first smile, the last first steps etc, I think this would be the case no matter how many babies you have though!

Financially we are in a good position and I haven't returned to work after maternity leave this time as we moved away. We fit in a normal car as my oldest is not in a car seat anymore, the boys shared a room out of choice and it's only the last 6 months the oldest has asked about his own room, so we will eventually extend. I will say days out are generally geared to family of 4, but some places do family of 5 tickets and of course with the bigger age gap we've had to get used to taking a pushchair and changing bags again and working around feeds/naps etc but it's worth it she's a lovely bundle of fun and she's fitted in brilliantly and luckily was an easy baby and a good sleeper. Her brothers are helpful and caring, both adore her - she is going to be spoilt!

Middle child syndrome though I have to agree. My middle was my shadow and a real mummy's boy for years and my oldest was a daddy's boy, as you say one each. My oldest has since been diagnosed with autism and adhd and is struggling with self harm and anxiety so at the moment he is taking a lot of my time physically and emotionally, and of course the toddler takes a lot of my attention too so I feel very guilty the middle child who is placid and well behaved is kind of being overlooked at times, but he's now enjoying a closer bond with dad than he used to and I do make time at weekends to be with him. It is hard to juggle 3 different sets of needs, though this is possibly more to do with having a child with special needs, plus general housework, plus couple time and time to chill out by myself (basically never)!

Sorry for my essay, hope it's given you some things to consider lol!