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Parenting

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Original poster

Would another child be too much? 5kids.

22 replies

Daisydoolou · 07/05/2019 22:36

I would like to know other peoples thoughts. Myself and OH have been together over

4years. When we first got together our children where small. Mine were 3 and 2. His 2 and 6.We have 5 children between us. Myself 2. Both the same dad. He has 3. All with the same mum. One being a set of twins. Every other weekend we have them and time in between whenever their mum allows. We love having them here. We always said we wouldn't have one of our own. Various reasons. Mainly money and only having a 3 bed home. We both work full time. We was worried if it might be too much for the other children. And obviusly the logics of 6 children. Like cars. But we would love a child of our own. The children are older. His children have another sibling from their mum and mine always ask if they will ever have a brother or sister 😂
I would love another child and always said I wasn't done. However I had to have cancer treatment that pushed me through a early menopause. So have had 3 periods in 18months. My consultant said it is possible they will return as I'm only in my early 30s. We never been careful during this time but no baby. However my biggest concerns are everyone always makes comments about thay we have enough already. Our work is cut out. We would be selfish having a child. His mum definatly thinks so. No one knows that we would love one of our own. As a outsider what would you think?

OP posts:

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MyHomey · 07/05/2019 22:44

I think if you both want another baby together, go for it! You obviously love kids :)

Snappedandfarted2019 · 07/05/2019 22:49

Could you’re dp still support his dc paying maintenance if the answers no don’t, regardless if the kids mum had one 6 dc would be hard to support and lack of room would be an issue. What if you had twins?

Pipandmum · 07/05/2019 22:50

It’s nobody’s business but your own. If you want one you’ll make it work.

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Original poster

Daisydoolou · 07/05/2019 23:06

snappedandfarted2019 we can still pay the payments. But twins is definatly as possibility and a concern. Wed manage but not like we would with 1 baby. But I don't know if we'd even end up with 1. The thought of a baby petrifies and excite me all at the same time!

OP posts:

TheRedBarrows · 07/05/2019 23:25

Can you manage the money? Going back to paying for childcare or losing a salary?
Can you manage in a 3 bed house? For how long? Once they all progress to secondary and need a desk space for homework?
I would go mad with 6 kids in a 3 bed house.

Didiusfalco · 07/05/2019 23:29

I’m sorry about your cancer treatment. I think in your position I would let nature take its course and if it happened brilliant, but I wouldn’t spend any family money trying to make it happen and I wouldn’t let it be a source of heartache. Enjoy what you have and if it comes about - bonus!

HalfBloodPrincess · 07/05/2019 23:34

If you can afford it then why not?

We’re in the same position. When we first got together, I had 2 dc and dp had 2 dc.
We now have one almost 2 year old together and one due in a few weeks. So 6 between us. Only difference is our older dc are 13, 14, 15 and 16.

Babdoc · 07/05/2019 23:34

It’s pretty tough on the planet to have six kids. We’re already overpopulated and putting a million species of living creatures at risk of extinction, from our pollution, climate change and destruction of wild habitat. If you care about the environment and the future of your existing DC, surely you wouldn’t even contemplate another child?

AlexaShutUp · 07/05/2019 23:38

Well, with the caveat that it's none of my business and it's entirely up to you and your DH...

You have asked for opinions and so I will be honest. Personally, I think it would be detrimental to your existing children, and while I understand that you want a child with your DH, I think the best interests of your existing children should come first. Probably not what you want to hear and I wouldn't dream of voicing an opinion in real life, but you did ask!

Good luck, whatever you decide.

Mintandthyme · 07/05/2019 23:42

I think it would be absolutely the wrong thing to do - for the reasons given by babdoc and Alexa above

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 07/05/2019 23:45

How likely are you to be able to move to a larger house in the future? 7 people in a three bedroom house is a lot. 8 people in a three bedroom house is a hell of a lot. And unlike the 7 - which is arguably a “victim of circumstance” - you would be choosing to add more to your over crowding situation.

It basically means that your dh’s kids can never come and live with you full time even if they wanted to.

I have a family member (female) who lost residence of her first child when the child was very young and for various reasons ended up with only had supervised contact.

She went on to have a number of other children (in my opinion) at least partly to try and plug the gap left by the loss of the first. Fast forward 10 years and the first child’s living situation suddenly became untenable for various reasons and she asked if she could live with her mum. But mum didn’t have space for her so she couldn’t. Very sad situation - particularly for the rejected child.

Itwouldtakemuchmorethanthis · 07/05/2019 23:51

I would. I love large families and I think it sounds like it’s what you both really want.

Original poster

Daisydoolou · 08/05/2019 09:39

Thank you everyone. Honestly not offended This is my point thought whenever I mention it people are very anti. Mainly about being about to afford it, in all honesty i wonder how many of us was able to afford having children? We have both always worked. Always. I think the stigma is their regarding claiming money etc. Something else we have never done. We have 2 children here full time and the other 3 around 5 nights a month. They all have there own beds. Just not their own rooms. We have the option to extend into our loft. And plan to look into it in around 5 years. We have some savings and when we can 're morgage plan to take out a bit more to top up the pot so to speak. I honestly wonder if i even could have another baby and I some times the fear of other honestly does put me off. I know we could easily spread the love. Our house when they are all here is full of chaos laughter love ...And the occasional fight They all adore each other and to them they are brothers and sisters. His children cant grasp the fact when they come his their recent new sibling cant come too. I suppose I worry if it would be the right thing? Everyone makes enough comments about the 5 we have. Lol xxx

OP posts:

ineedaholidaynow · 08/05/2019 09:48

Do you think it is fair for your DH to have another child who he would have full-time when he only has his other 3 children 5 nights a month (which doesn’t seem very much)?

Original poster

Daisydoolou · 08/05/2019 10:39

ineedaholidaynow I have always said I would love another child and he knows that. The decision to have another has been completely his. His choice. I would never force him. Not it isn't much but unfortunately we are tied by their mum. As they get older I hope they can make their own choice and we will not be held responsible for them being pawns in some game. They know they are loved and always welcome here and recently we have been able to have them more which has been lovely. I love having them all the house. X

OP posts:

Singlenotsingle · 08/05/2019 10:45

You've got 5 between you. You've done your bit. Think of the planet. There's no shortage of people; we're not going to go into decline anytime soon.

Confusedbeetle · 08/05/2019 10:53

I think the biological need to have a child together is strong but not always a good idea. from the children's point of view, I am one of 5 and hated it. I have 4 and they would have preferred fewer. The complexity of siblings especially in blended families is very complex and rivalry can be big. In my chilbearing days my biology was more influencial than my logical brain. No amount of people telling me to stop wanting babies was going to stop me so maybe you are in this place. I loved having small children around me but the teenage years were testing and the needs of 4 adults and their families in todays economic pressure is a big financial issue, no one wants to see them struggle. I know now I wanted to make babies.

NabooThatsWho · 08/05/2019 11:26

Do you think it is fair for your DH to have another child who he would have full-time when he only has his other 3 children 5 nights a month (which doesn’t seem very much)?

That’s a good point.

ourkidmolly · 08/05/2019 11:32

Post cancer, it's not necessarily great for your body to be so hormonally disturbed by a pregnancy. As you know, pregnancy places a huge strain on your fragile system. I'd concentrate on being a present and fabulous mother and step mother to the existing 5 children.

midsummabreak · 08/05/2019 12:14

You sound like you are a very happy couple and have the perfect family. Plan a fantabulous holiday together with your beautiful children. Enjoy planning special one to one time with each one

bamboofibre · 08/05/2019 12:25

Yes I think another child is too much and you need to focus 100% on the ones you have now, especially with him having his THREE kids only 5 days a month. It's ridiculous how many people think they have to cement any relationship they have by having a kid together.

midsummabreak · 08/05/2019 12:47

If you feel it is right for you and your family go for it. What will be will be. You need to do whatever you feel is right for your family and only you and your family know what is right for you

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