Struggling

[jittabug]

Can anyone give me some tips or a big kick up the arse please. I'm struggling to find the energy to do anything with my two under two and most days we just stay in the house.
Poor toddler (21m) gets cabin fever but I feel overwhelmed at the thought of getting them both ready and going out anywhere for fear of either having a meltdown.
I'm struggling with mild PND and social anxiety, I look forward to social events for myself but on the day I either cancel last minute or, if I do go anywhere, I feel I have nothing of worth to say and spend the next week or so analysing my behaviour and other people's perception of me.
I feel like I'm not giving either of my kids enough attention or stimulation, especially my youngest (8m) - I think she's not getting anywhere near the same attention that I gave my son.
My house is never properly tidy so I don't like having people over because I feel judged.
Just feeling a bit low and need some pointers on how other people keep it together, so that I can try to enjoy the rest of my maternity leave with the kids before I go back in September instead of just wallowing all that time.
I hate how negative I'm feeling and want to break the cycle. Any tips please?

I felt very similar at the time with 2 similar ages. I hated baby groups. I forced myself to go to a couple eventually and found one that the eldest liked. I didn't really chat a lot but found I got chatted to and my confidence built. I felt real achievement when we got home from it. My house was never show home either then so I get that too but friends don't really mind. And I just managed to get one room and the bathroom ready. Or I walked. Just for fresh air or into town and round the shops. (Too skint to buy) Eventually it transpired a friend was in a similar situation and we helped each other.
Don't worry about it. You are enough for your children. Feeling pressured will make it worse. There was an outdoor childrens walk in our local country park that I eventually found brilliant. You had something to do rather than sit chatting!

And listening is just as good as talking. Go and listen. Don't worry about what people think. Most people don't have their shit together either!

Are you seeking help for your PND?

Two under two must be tough.

Maybe try getting out first on your own without worrying about meeting people? Meltdowns happen sometimes. If you can lock one in a pram, you can deal with the other. Baby steps. (No pun intended!) It is hard with two under 2! You're not unreasonable to find it hard xx xx

Thank you for your replies. Yes I am getting help for PND, I'm currently on 50mg of setraline (3 weeks in) and have been doing over-the-phone CBT since December. Quite big gaps between the sessions which is why I spoke to the GP for help alongside.

I put my son into nursery one day a week so that he can get some much needed interaction, and that I can spend a day with my daughter. He started last week and we will go to a baby group that day so at least we have one day a week.

My husband has been working a hell of a lot of overtime lately due to an upcoming promotion, but when he's off we usually go out for a walk.

I will try out some other toddler groups, just need to get out of my head when we're sat indoors in front of CBeebies, it just seems like a mammoth task to even put my face on or brush my hair let alone get the kids ready! We all sat in our pjs until 1pm today, actually I never changed little one out of her sleepsuit, terrible.

I was considering trying a daily routine that makes sure we are up, dressed and out of the house by a certain time, because when we get out in the morning it's usually a better day. Perhaps just a walk will be enough for that, I just worry that they aren't getting much out of that especially if both in the pushchair so I don't have to fight with my son to keep him from running off!

Do you have any fail safe games to play indoors or in the garden for babies of their age, that involve both of them?

Thanks again for responding, I wasn't expecting anything back after wasting most of last year on another site where no one ever seemed to reply 🙈

Sorry that looks a mess of a rant, I did put spaces between paragraphs but it doesn't seem to have worked!

I have a 19 month age gap (3 and 5 now)and when my youngest was 8 months I tried to get them out every morning, although it was sometimes just dd in the buggy and ds walking to the local cafe. I used to try and time it so that a walk coincided with dd's morning nap so by the time we got to the cafe I could sit and read with ds.
We used to go on trips to the library, toddler groups , feeding the ducks, parks etc. I loved the children's centre because it was completely safe and the staff were great. I know they're a bit controversial but I always used reins (well a Little Life back pack)with ds to keep him safe. I asked friends to visit us at home if I couldn't face getting them both out.

Thanks for the tips. I have a backpack for him so will pop that on for a walk. Why are they controversial? Something else to worry about 🙄
We are going to a toddler group at 10.30 today. I have managed to get us all fed and dressed and I even had a shower, winning at life this morning. God it's pathetic how proud of myself I am for that 😂

I've been there. 2 under 2 is tough . I suffered with post natal anxiety when my daughter was born. I remember my doctor saying get out every day. Even if it's just to the shop . Conversation even if it's just with the person serving at the till is good. Plus when you get back home you feel you have accomplished getting out of the house. the fresh air will do you all good too.

No harm in getting iron levels checked also it's normal for the first to get all the attention because that's where all your focus was but don't forget number 2 has you and your first born for a friend. They don't miss out.

Could you afford a cleaner to help ? It's hard when husband is away. My husband works full time and farms also. It's hard going .

My ds is 3 now and dd 20mths. And number is arriving in August !

I always try to keep this phase in my head - " there's only a few short years while they are small , before you know it they are off at school doing their own thing "
Best of luck - you're doing amazing

Thank you. I would love to be able to afford a cleaner! But two years of SMP has affected our cash flow. Maybe when I go back to work we could consider it, although childcare is going to take a huge chunk. Wow another bundle for you soon, congratulations! God the thought of three gives me the fear, you are a superhuman for even considering it 😂

Typically, baby is currently napping after a really dreadful night, I'm loathe to wake her up but if I don't then we miss the only toddler group that's on today 😞 something always gets in the way. And it's chucking it down so a walk doesn't seem appealing either! Will get them both in the car for a drive once she wakes up. Feel like it's my fault this has happened because I'm being so negative it was bound to work out like this today, clearly I can't have any more wins after having a shower 😒

👋🏻 Hey all, so this is my first post on here as I just joined.
I need help from other parents on what to do here.
So, I have 2 daughters ages 2 and 4. My 4 year old is stubborn, fiery, etc. My 2 year old is calm, collected etc. Over the past few weeks I’ve been struggling with my 4 yr olds behaviour. Her attitude and back chat are killing me off. She throws, kicks, smacks things and he’d tantrums can last over like half an hour. It’s exhausting me. I’ve tried lots of things to manage her behaviour. Reward charts lots of praise treats you name it I’ve done it. For her bad behaviour we do time out which just isn’t working right now, but I’ve tried taking her tablet Away, all treats, her comforter and tv privileges but nothing seems to work. I’ve tried the calm approach but this seems to make the situation sooo much worse. So I’m having to shout when she’s acting up which I hate doing. I have a husband, but we are going through some issues at the moment, he helps out all the time and the kids listen to him most of the time... it’s just me! Everything I say and do is in one ear and out the other, especially with my 4 year old. After secretly struggling I’m coming clean in saying I can’t do it anymore. I feel like I’m falling apart because of it and that my own child hates me. I love her with all my heart but I’m starting to resent her and I feel like a terrible mother even thinking this! Any advice is appreciated here. I have had a fear asking for help due to being anonymously reported to SS by a neighbour last year. The case was closed the same day, but I feel this has really damaged me in parenting the right way. My head just isn’t in the right place for anything right now especially not tantrums just because my 4 yr old can’t wear the dirty pink socks! Thank you for taking the time to read this if you get this far, this momma is done doing this alone!

I do apologise! I didn’t realise this was someone else’s post, still learning how to use the website dammit!

jita my two have more of an age gap and are now 1.9 and just turned 4. I relate to the social anxiety and always try to cancel but because I have been very open about my social anxiety, my friends and family put the pressure on a bit to ‘force’ (in a nice way) me to go always emphasising that I can come home. I usually end up having a good time. So try really hard to go out.

RE activities, the weather is about to turn and I have already found things easier (I work FT btw so you are doing amazing!) at weekends and evenings as just being able to be out in the garden and comfortable with temp is amazing and makes a huge difference.

I feel your pain about not going out. Mine have always been bad sleepers so I do not mess around with naps and rogue naps in cars / prams.

I have the same kind of anxieties as you describe but what I would say is it does get easier and when it started to very gradually get easier my anxieties really got more under control.

Hang in there! You are doing great!!