Issues with daughters friends

[Millis5]

My daughter will be 4 in June and is in the pre school room at nursery. She has two friends at the nursery that have been friends for quite a long time. They all play together well but often my daughter will get excluded or picked on by both the girls at the nursery - not wanting to play with her or sit next to her when she asks them, that kind of stuff. One of the girls in particular can be spiteful, I think my husband thought I was making it up until he witnessed it one day. I am friends with both the girls mums but they just brush it off as the girls just being silly. It upsets me that it’s my daughter being excluded or ganged up on. This morning when dropping my daughter off she was excited to see one of the girls arrive and asked her to sit next to her at breakfast. Her friend deliberately sat at the other end of the table, my daughter then got upset. The mother kind of just brushed it off as her daughter just being a 3,5 year old and being silly. But it really upset me as it’s always my daughter at the receiving end. Am I being too sensitive? Is it all just a phase kids go through and grow out of? I’m worried as they all start school in Sept and will be at the same school together.

Sorry you and your daughter are going through this. Unfortunately in my experience it only gets worse as they start and progress through school. My DD(8) is always talking about some drama or other between friends.One day she's bff with one girl and ignoring the other friend or another day she is feeling left out.
I chat to her about it and encourage her to be friends with the whole class and I encourage friendships and playdates with a variety of children rather than just inviting the same 'best friend' all the time. It really does get a nightmare at times.
You need to build up a resilience in your daughter and try not to get too involved in playground dynamics( especially as she gets older). Encourage a wide range of friendships. You can still be friends with the mum's regardless of whether your children choose to be close.
If you are extremely worried and your daughter comes home regularly upset, as she is still so little I would have a chat with her TA.

Speak to the teacher if it's happening in School, rather than the parents.

Mention it to nursery but there will be loads more children for her to make friends with come September - probably more useful to encourage her to play with others and have a wide circle of friends

Thanks, , I guess I expected there to be ups and downs with friends but not from such a young age. I do encourage my daughter to play with other children and she happily does so but these two girls are so clicky and my daughter is at the receiving end.

Do you mean clique? What's clicky?
I would encourage friendships with a wider group, invite some other children to play at your house, widen the circle including getting to know more parents.
This is all very common, age 3 kids don't have empathy and lack the qualities to be a loyal friend! But any issues definitely raise with school do not go to the parents. This doesn't go down well. The parents are not in school to manage that behaviour. The teacher is.

All you can do is try to make her resilient and self sufficient- they can sense a needy personality - and encourage other friendships.

Dh very black and white and taught our girls that if someone is unkind to you they are not your friends and you dump them without a backward glance! I thought this abit literal but actually he is right and both girls have done this and now have healthy equal friendship groups (10 and 12)

It’s always very difficult when there are 3 of them, someone will get left out and unfortunately it’s your dd
Ask staff to help her make other friends (appreciate she may be resistant to that)

Not necessarily dd was in a 3 all through pre school such lovely kids not a moments issue they played beautifully. Sad they all went to different schools. It’s a personality issue ime