Am I expecting too much?

[Mollytom]

Apologies in advance as I need to vent. I also need to know that I'm not alone in this.

My baby boy is 10 months old and an absolute joy. I'm grateful for every second spent with him but I can't help feel resentment towards my partner.

He hasn't changed a nappy in over 6 months. I can't remember the last time he fed him or dressed him. I'm the one who puts him to bed, gets up during the night and who wakes with him every day.

If I nip out at the weekend, my partner expects me to take the little one with me (so that he can relax after working all week!!) His life has changed very little since the baby arrived. He goes to work, goes to the gym 4 x a week, meets up with friends whenever he fancies, watches tv etc. The list could go on!

I've had one night out since my little one was born and it was with my partner. I don't want countless days out or nights out but the idea of my partner suggesting a few hours away would be enough.

I'm not a pushover by any means but whenever I try to tackle the many issues that I face, I get made to feel guilty about "being at home all day, every day with the baby" and "not having to work". I don't think he has a clue how exhausting (yet amazing) it is!

Again, I'm sorry for the moaning but I need to express how I'm feeling somewhere or I feel I may combust!

Just go out without baby.

Take it in turns to put baby to bed. Same with dinner/bottle.

When he needs a nappy change, hand him to dad.

Stop Asking!!

Your partner is being a dickhead. You need a serious conversation with him about how much work you are doing and how, if he wants any sort of relationship with his son in future, he has to start actually being a father to him now.

You’re expecting too little. Why are you doing everything? Why haven’t you told him it’s his equal responsibility to keep your child fed and clean when you’re both at home?

Does he make your life easier or just harder? And are you going back to work? I would!

Tell him repeatedly that you have a 24/7 job that is way more tiring than work then tell him you’re going out and go.
If my DH isn’t offering or is being a bit lazy I’ll say “which of us is doing DDs dinner and who is doing bath and bedtime or who is doing the bath and who is doing bedtime? It helps him see that it’s unfair for me to do it all.
Since DD turned one things have changed a bit anyway as DH saw that she always comes to me and realised he needed to make more effort so she’d go to him.

When I was on maternity leave my DH was out working from 5am to 8pm so I did do everything in the week but weekends I always pushed to be 50:50

Yep hand him the baby and tell him your going to x or y

Don’t ask - he doesn’t

My friend's DH is exactly the same. Sits playing video games while she does literally every single child-related task.

And now guess what? He wants a second baby, and my friend is stressing because she doesn't know how she'll do bedtime with a toddler and a newborn.

Stop letting him opt out of family life. He gets on board and acts like a husband and father, or he fucks off.

If he thinks it’s so easy say right baby is all yours today and go out for a good 8-10 hours. And if you can do it the following! And then don’ t come home and automatically take the baby and clean up etc - say ‘gosh I’m exhausted - you’ve been home all day so I’m off to have a relaxing bath and I’ll be down when you’ve got dinner on the table’. If he moans about it say ‘what’s the problem you obviously thinks it’s easy so prove it!’

I think you need to have a serious talk with your husband and explain exactly how you feel and that he is doing pretty much zero with his baby.

I know with my hubby I would prefer to have the adult rational conversation with him.

Sorry missed the bit that you have already spoken with him and he is not willing to change.

I think you may have to just have an "appointment" where the baby can't go with you and leave him to it. Although i do wonder whether you really think that would change anything in the long run, if you have already told him and he disregards your feelings, really what's the point.

Ask him what sort of relationship he hopes to have in time. My exh used to talk about taking ds for his first pint! Never lifted a finger until we split when he was 7.. Ds went nc at 7 supported by a judge...

Your expecting way too little!