What do wish you had done the first time round? (2nd baby related)

[MrsTumbletap]

So after years of thinking about it I think I have slowly come round to the idea of having a second child. DS is 6, so big age gap but I'm ok with that as I wouldn't have coped with two babies at the same time as I found one so stressful.

Breastfeeding didn't work for long, had to have a csection and generally the first year was a dark time for me. I'm ok with toddlers but the babies, sleepless nights, night feeds, nappies, crying, fills me with dread. I need to do whatever I can to just get through the first year without/reducing PND.

So knowing this, any suggestions on what i can do to get through it easier this time?

What did you learn from having your second that you wish you had known the first time round?

Anyone?

I only discovered the junperoo with my second baby. I wish I’d had that first time round !!

I’m following for similar reasons. How the hell do I manage a 3 year old and a newborn?

I just have the one (so far) but I would have used a sling from the beginning. I only got one 2 months in and it was a game changer.

Blackout blinds that seal the frame so nothing get in. Game changer.

We have quite big age gaps (9, 5 and 14 months) and I found that with each child I got more and more relaxed.

With DS1 I wish I had spent more of those early days in bed, sleeping and trying to relax. Ironically, with DC3 I had far more rest than the first 2 because I took up every offer people made to help. People offered to cook meals or take the older ones out and whereas I would have said no before, I said yes with great enthusiasm. DMIL (who drives me nuts) came to stay for a week and I gave her jobs to do whilst I stayed in my room and rested.

I was more honest with DH, friends and family about what I needed and did not feel that I needed to show everyone I could do it all on my own. I didn't feel I needed to be the best at breastfeeding so DC3 had a bottle every evening which enabled me to get some solid sleep and I ended up breastfeeding for far longer than I would have done otherwise.

With DC 3 I finally got a really good pram (not new or expensive, but the right one for me) I borrowed a proper sidecar crib which was a gamechanger. I also bought proper maternity clothes and some good nursing tops.

Because we were in a much weaker financial position with DC1, we felt unable to splash out on these things, but I have to be honest that feeling my clothes covered and fit me properly when I was breastfeeding, that the pram was the right height and carried what we needed it to and being able to slide the baby in and out of our bed after having a c section was worth every penny.

Definitely let other people spoil your older DC if they offer. It is great for everyone

Similar situation here. Although there’ll be 22m between my two once dd arrives in July/August. Ds is currently 19m.

Rest. As. Much. As. You. Can.

I haven’t been and am seriously paying for it now. Back aches pelvic aches etc. I’ve had to tell dh what I can and can’t do and basically am spending today doing all the house jobs I can whilst sitting down.

And yes to accepting help. I didn’t so much when ds was born. But now am ready open and willing to accept all offers.

Yes ladies this is exactly what I need to hear! Anything else you can think of that we would need to do/buy/not buy/not worry about/any lifesavers.

@octonoughtcake3 we can share this mumsnet wisdom together!

I would try what I can to get one-on-one breastfeeding support from a certified lactation consultant, and do what I can to bf for longer. In my experience it can make such a difference to PND. It releases oxytocin in both the baby and the mum and hence leads to easier babies and nice moments for the mum. As the little ones get a bit older, it is such a magical parenting tool that makes life as a whole less stressful. It can be so difficult at the beginning but IMO it is soooo worth sticking at it and seeking out all the support you can!

Oh so many things!

Number one was that I chilled the hell out.
I did what I wanted to do and when I wanted to do it.
I was not influenced by anything or any one.
Baby grows until at least 2 years old, day and night. Cheep as possible, lots of them.
I’m afraid that if it can’t be thrown in the washer, sling on the radiator or on the line and dry in 2 hours with NO ironing involved then no, “cute” outfits would not get over the the
Threashold.

If I want to breastfeed my child until their 3rd birthday then I will. It is none of anyone’s business.

No. I absolutely will not be attending any playgroup, mother & toddler type things. They are both torture and shit.

I will recognise and get help for pnd early. I know what it is, I know what to do, it will not allow it any more air time than it deserves. It will be gone and fast.

If there’s dishes in the sink.. the front room not hoovered .. meh, I’ll get to it when I’m ready.

My 1st child was extremely high maintenance and demanding of every ounce of my limited reserves.
I don’t know how I did it.
I have a 10 year gap because I knew I couldn’t cope with another child when so desperately stretched to the edge of my sanity for most of those years.

But.
Oh my, I’m so so happy that I have my second. This I know, is what it is to “enjoy” my child. To have joy and life at the same time.
To have sunshine and happiness when I see his face instead of dread and blackness at the thought of the day/night/week/month/year ahead.

It’s wonderful.

I’m going to relax and stay in bed for the first weeks whilst DH is on paternity. I was rushing around, business as usual with my first and for what?

No visitors for a good few days.

Babygrows until 6 months. None of those stupid outfits.

I’m going to try bf but I’m not going to literally kill myself for the first 6 weeks trying to establish. If it works, it works and if not I have the perfect prep.

I’m going to get DH to do an evening feed if using bottles so I can get a solid chunk of 4 hours sleep. I’m have no idea why I didn’t last time.

Sling from a lot earlier.

Chicco Next 2 me - we had a Moses on the floor as we were too tight to buy a stand. Our backs! No way we’re doing that again!

Reusable nappies. I wanted to use them with DC1 but had no idea where to start and relatives put me off a great deal saying it would be too much hard work. I switched to them when he was 11 months old and used them from the beginning with my next three DC, wish I’d just been brave enough to take the plunge sooner with DC1.

Actually, on that note! I just wouldn’t listen to relatives even half as much... They meant well, I’m sure but never seemed to be very much help!

I also wouldn’t purée baby food, BLW is much easier and better.

Oh and I wish, wish, wish the shnuggle bath existed when my first three DC were babies. I have it for DC4 and it’s revolutionised bath time completely.

Stop worrying over every little thing and whether I'm doing it wrong. Just relax and enjoy because the baby time was over in a link of an eye and god how I miss my 7 Yr old being a baby.
So this time I'm determined to just go with the flow

Seconds are far easier - no nct/baby groups hell 😂

I threw out Gina and all the baby recipe books and shoved the same food the rest of us had in dc. Turns out both are fussy regardless of how they were weaned 😂

Don’t worry about baby waking up older dc. That way they don’t rule the roost

Let it go

Get a sling

Don’t stick to rigid timings - they aren’t conducive to a school run 🤦‍♀️

These are really good ladies. So many good tips. @crosser62 you have a 10 year gap. The way I'm going mine will be like that too as it's taking so long to decide!

You all took the plunge though, I did it all so wrong the first time round and made it so much harder for myself trying to be perfect.

What about jumperoos? Dummies? How long in the hospital?

My eldest is 5 and we've just had our second.

This time I'm so much more relaxed. You know that you don't have to go straight to them as soon as they cry.

You also realise that doing what works for you is best.

As for products, the mini Milton steriliser has been so useful as well as my hegen bottles.

I went to loads of groups but only those with friends to help with older child. Having a laugh with friends in similar scenario helped hugely. Take up all the offers of help. Don't worry a jot if bf doesn't work out - you'll both be absolutely fine and healthy. And defo don't worry about housework and ironing. Get out in the fresh air, exercise if you can.

Yeah and defo don't feel you have to attend to them as soon as they cry, sometimes they do that to get to sleep! (if other needs met) It was a revelation!

This was me too, hated the first year with DC1, 9 year gap to DC2. Got help during second pregnancy to try and help with potential PND as well as booking in more help after the birth (counselling/talking). And got pre-birth help/advice re breastfeeding - not because it is essential to me to breastfeed but I wanted to feel like I'd given it a really good go (and then would feel less guilt if it didn't work out again!). And like everyone else says I let other people help me more and I tried harder to not give a toss about whether I was "doing it right". And yes it was better, still hard (don't expect miracles) but definitely better! Good luck xx (first mumsnet post for me - not even sure I'm posting in the right place!!)