Hi Everyone,
This is a petty cry for help. Does anyone know of any charities or have any tips on what they have done to help in the past?
I am a full time training student in a secondary school, with a hubby to be and a very hard work two year old at home.
Lily has never been easy, it seems to have gone from one thing to another. Overly attached, to not sleeping and now we have hit full time tantrum mode. Typically she will have about 8 a day. When I was on maternity leave I was absolutely miserable. I was extremely depressed because I felt like I had a lack of purpose in my life and that I never did anything. This must have fed onto the OH who was also (he now tells me) stressed at work. It resulted in us nearly breaking up. We went to counselling and somehow worked through it and were better than we had been in a long time. In September I started my job training to be a teacher, which, although extremely hard work, gave me that sense of purpose that I needed and gave me a break from being mum. On the back of this my OH proposed and we have had some lovely months planning the wedding etc.
However, the past few months have been absolutely horrific. OH got a promotion which was a lot more money but required him to work shifts. He works 12 hour shifts either 6-6 in the day or 6-6 in the night. We did weigh up how hard this would be and I knew it would put me under a lot of pressure when he is working (because I am pretty much acting as a single, working mother those days) yet the amount of days off he has compared to working are much more so we went for it. However, other half has been working lots of extra shifts as each shift is work £350 and in his head this means he is providing for us etc, on the back of this I am really really struggling and when we do finally get time to ourselves we are stressed, exhausted and ratty with each other. I feel like we never properly talk anymore.
He seems to have much more patience and can cope without sleep unlike myself. He (although working incredibly hard) can also switch off on his days off and when he comes home. He doesn't spend his evening planning lessons. I can't remember the last time I had a lie in or even some time to myself. Whereas at least when he works nights during the week, my daughter is in nursery so he can sleep in and relax that day. Thus is our circle of who has it worse. Really I just want us to be supportive of each other, but we are incredibly resentful. On top of this if the tea isn't made or the housework isn't done - although he isn't on my case - it bugs him and he gets frustrated with it too.
My daughter goes through patterns of sleeping well (more often she isn't). Last week he decided to take her cot side down which has resulted in endless tantrums, refusal to go to bed, sleepless nights and waking up at 4/5 am again. Perhaps even worse than this is now we have to change and dress her on the floor (we have always used a cot changing mat) and she will not let us, she is running round and screaming as if she is being tortured as I have to hold her down to change her. The other day it took me over half an hour to change her, which made me late to hand an assignment in at uni. I was incredibly stressed and have no patience with her anymore (I either scream and shout or just cry.) I could feel my anger building and although I have never and hope to never smack her or anything I worry if I don't de-stress she may bring me to that point.
I am just literally at breaking point. I will go back to the doctors to see if they can help. Family are aware of the situation but nobody jumps to have my daughter because she is hard work for them too. My mum used to be a massive help but my Nanna has had to move in with them since January on the back of a stroke, now my mum is her full time carer and cannot handle her and my daughter. I feel like I am a terrible mum, girlfriend, friend, and that I am constantly trying to fob her off onto people. But in all honesty I hate being around her at the moment.
Can anyone sympathise, have you any advice?
TIA