Parenting when noise sensitive

[Misty9]

I am and have always been very noise sensitive. Strangely I don't recall finding the baby stage too difficult in this respect, but I really struggle now they're older. My 7yo in particular is always making noise of some kind - silly noises, repeating the same thing over and over again, waking me up whispering about wanting to get up, or doing 'missions' out loud constantly. And I lose my shit. A lot.

Is anyone else like this and how do you cope? I've just separated from their dad so have them 50% of the week but I still lose my shit with the constant uncontrollable noise then feel it's too quiet when they're not here

I've tried ignoring it but I just feel the rage rising when they ignore me about being quieter...

I'm like this. Like you say the baby stage was actually fine but my three year old has just got to the age where he talks in stupid voices or repeats the same question over and over and it drives me totally bad. No ideas but solidarity!!!

I use noise cancelling headphones sometimes, with either gentle music or nothing at all, just to muffle the noise down. I can still be responsive if needed. It reduces the impact of the repetitive annoying noises but not the loud infrequent shrieks and so on.

This is one thing I’ve always struggled with - my 6 year old makes noise constantly, it drives me insane. My 3 year old talks constantly and repeats what he’s said until you respond, also drives me insane. ‘Mummy Rider needs 3 pups today, mummy Rider needs 3 pups today, mummy Rider needs 3 pups today’ 😣

The only thing I have found that helps slightly is making sure that all other noise is off, so when it’s stressing me out the tv and radio need to be off, and occasionally I’ll separate them so they’re not talking over each other.

I struggle more when my husband’s here because he talks at me too so it’s 3 of them 😩 hopefully my youngest will be quiet 🤐

Look, op, I'm noise sensitive myself but I can't understand you saying that you feel the rage rising when you kids make normal noises.

And to me that is the point - what they are doing is normal , not unusual, and they are not doing it to enrage you . They are being normal kids - whispering about wanting to get up, making silly noises, yes it's all normal. Kids are noisy creatures and as a mother you sometimes have to tolerate stuff that annoys you. Allowing yourself to "lose your shit" or to get enraged is really not on.

If you are going to allow yourself to be enraged by normal behaviours, you're going to end up a screaming wreck for no good reason. Maybe do some relaxation classes or something, but don't let this perfectly normal stuff get you upset. It's really not worth it and you can't expect the kids to change because you are noise sensitive . If you keep losing your shit with them, they'll end up preferring to be away from you which I'm sure isn't what you want.

Well it's good to know I'm not completely unreasonable anyway! I actually find it easier with things like the radio on as it drowns them out a bit. Mornings are a major issue now I'm on my own as H used to just get up. I have issues waking up anyway but ds refuses to go downstairs alone and so stands next to me whispering about wanting to get up anytime from 6. So then I am in a foul mood before I've even properly woken up. Which then really affects me for the morning I just tried to talk to him and ask him to come up with possible solutions. He couldn't.

I might investigate headphones...

Birdie I was hoping for suggestions of how other people cope - not just telling me to tolerate it. That's the whole point - I really struggle to do this. Especially at the moment when I feel at an all time low having just had my marriage end and moved house. I'm obviously a shit parent but we're stuck with each other so I'm trying to help myself and make the best of it.

@Misty9 you're not a shit parent. I was just coming on here to ask the same question as I am going nuts with 2.5yo DS who never bloody sleeps, never shuts up and needs completely constant attention all on his terms, or he trashes the house. The only way to engage him and stop him hurling lego or whatever at the windows is to constantly be doing stuff that involves either him talking or me talking literally every single moment. He can't entertain himself at all and I am going spare. So you have my sympathy over the noise!

Ooh you are like me! I have never met anyone else whos admitted having this issue before. Tbh i found the baby stage quite hard but crying was mainly short lived so i just bared it. Ds is three and i spend a lot of time asking him to be a little quieter as he is a shouter.

I cant bare more than one noise at once iyswim. So if hes playing with his keyboard then the tv/radio will need to go off. Similarly if ds is watching tv and then dp puts a video on his phone i usually leave the room because it bothers me!

Mine is 3 so i have to get up on a morning with him but dp does 1 morning a weekend (he is up and out before me and ds wake up in the week anyway!) But at 7 id not have him whispering at me tbh.

Id be saying im not getting up before 7.30 (or whatever) but you can play quietly / get breakfast before then and no coming in my room before this time unless its an emergency. Set yourself an alarm and give yourself time to wake up.

Youre not a shit parent youre just adjusting.

I'm autistic and could just cope with the noise even if I wanted to. This is not a case of just having to find more in you, this can be a neurological issue that one can't just rise above. Why not give your little one a timer and tell him to come back when the timer has gone but he can't speak to you until then. At least it would make it a game. I also have to have all the other noise off around me if my child is talking. My son makes noise ALL the time (he's now 12), and I struggle to parent him at times. And now we live in a flat the noise is around me much more. Noise cancelling headphones are great, and escaping outside just for a few minutes can help you not lose your shit. Maybe some mindfulness could help too?

*couldn't just

I used to shut the door while prepping bottles. I couldn't stand the crying.
She was a squealer when she saw buses, caravans, so I wore ear plugs to muffle that.
As she got older, I'd tell her to stop saying the same words on a loop, because it was hurting my ears.
In the car, if the squealing/tantrums/repeating became unbearable I would stop the car and get out and leave her in there.
She'd stop and ask why not going, so I'd explain I can't drive with all the noise. So she'd be quieter or use different words. And we'd continue our journey.
It's been a massive struggle.
I'm just as bad at work. When my phone rings, i am so startled. I've turned the ringer to 1 bar. I hear it fine.

I can relate to some degree. I can tolerate it better but occasionally I do lose my shit over too much noise. The worst is yet to come for you I'm afraid... YOUTUBE 🙄🙄🙄🙄

My DS is 15 now but he usually wears headphones if he's in living room watching videos on his iPad.
My DD is 9 and blasts the most agonising screechy, yelling, loud as fuck videos of gamers playing Roblox or similar and they scream at random times. I got her a really expensive cool pair of headphones to combat this shit but she claims they hurt her ears....🙄
Ooh the irony 😂

And to the poster who mentioned when your DH plays a video on his phone.... I actually feel the rage burning. It absolutely drives me insane as it's always at the most inappropriate time or when I watching tv or reading etc.

TBH I have no advice but just sympathy 🙏🏻

Ironically H is autistic and copes with noise way better than me! Ds has always been scared of going up/down stairs if there's no one else there so he wont do so in the morning without dd - who wants to snuggle with me once she's up (later than ds). I've asked H to work on this with ds with me though.

I'm now sat alone having done handover and it's silent. And I feel shit for shouting at them this morning but I just can't tolerate the constant noise. Feeling like they'd be better off with their dad and without me

I'm like this with my 6 month old baby when he whines and whinges!! Makes me feel so unreasonably angry! I have to remind myself he's so young. I definitely lile a bit of peace and quiet!

@Misty9 presumably you separated from their Dad for some reason, so they're not better off with him, are they? You're doing fine. You're having a really hard time at the moment- cut yourself some slack.

People with autism can be hypersensitive to noise, but they can also be undersensitive to it. So in my family - my father, me, my DH, our DS all have hyperacusis. DS is currently at hte age where he loves exploring noise butis young enough we can escape to our silent house a lot of the time (where he is then comfortable, and thus is the loudest thing there and he drives me mad being loud!). My mother and sister have hypoacusis and are sensory-seeking with respect to noise and never flipping shut up, always have music/radio turned up too loud, etc. They constantly criticise me, my father for being snowflakes about noise - stuff like you're driving on a busy highway with trucks everywhere, and my mother will be talking at the top of her voice continually to be heard over hte radio that she's turned up too loud and meanwhile filing her nails... and will tell me "oh you're always so stressed out, just lighten up, you're so unpleasant to be around" !!

I am like you, and I have a noisy child. I also have a quiet child, and I struggle not to let the ease of the quieter one look like favouritism. With the noisy one, when I can feel the coping failure coming (and it is worse if I have other things going on cognitively, like trying to plan anything) I say "you can go to your room for 5 minutes, or you can be silent for 5 minutes, your choice". The noisy child is the same age as yours, and is now old enough to understand that I really struggle with noise--helps me out by actually obliging when I make that request.

I too suffer with this. I honestly have always thought I am just a crap mum, as other people seem to cope fine. I struggle with this and i find as i get older I am getting worse.