Explaining death to children?

[SoppingWetMayDay]

Can you point me towards any resources please?

I'm under a lot of pressure from my family to bring the whole concept of Heaven into it. According to my mother, you "have to" tell children that pets and relatives go somewhere nice when they die. However, I'm uncomfortable with the idea of telling DC about Heaven if you don't sincerely believe in it - I want my kids to be able to trust me. I found it quite distressing to be told as a child that everyone goes to Heaven, and to be sent to a C of E school because it was a good school, only to learn when I was a bit older than my parents considered it all to be bullshit and that they were actively contemptuous of Christians and Christianity. Is there a neutral, factual way that I can talk to my kids about death (without necessarily holding myself out as having all the answers, because I don't - I'm happy for them to reach their own conclusions about what they believe when they're old enough)?

Your instincts sound good.

https://www.barnardos.org.uk/childbereavementtbookletexplaininggdeath.pdf

I have told my kids (10, 7 and 4) when it has come up that when you die you just go back to wherever you were before you were born. They seem to accept that. I think they find it less worrying than saying you just cease to exist as you've already been 'not born' so it can't be that scary...

I never filled my children's heads with ideas of a Heaven. They asked where I thought we "go", and we had many discussions about what different people/religions believe. I explained that I personally don't believe in an afterlife, but they are free to believe anything they want.

Something like: ''People are made up of energy and energy never dies, it just transforms into something else. So when you die, part of you lives on in some form. It might be in a tree or a flower or a rabbit or in the air but it continues on and on forever'' :)

Thank you - this is all really helpful!

I told DS1 (5yo) that when people die, their body is still here and it's either cremated or buried. It's okay because nothing will ever hurt them when they're dead. Their family and friends might feel sad about them, but they usually have a funeral to celebrate the person who died.

All came about when we were talking about my Granny and he asked where she was because he'd never met her.

I kept it really simple and factual, and I said nothing about heaven or spirits simply because I don't believe in it.

He came home asking about heaven when they learned about it at school last year. I told him that Christians believe in heaven, like his DGM.
DP and I said that we wasn't religious, but that he could choose to believe in heaven if he wants to.

My grandad passed away last month and DS1 was full of questions about his body, and "where did great grandad go?" and "why did he die?"

But he wasn't scared or anxious in the slightest, a bit sad but mostly curious. So our "death chat" seemed to work fairly well.