Who does more?

[NewMum19344567]

I think we are about equal but my husband has some serious jealousy about my life sometimes. Anyone let me know what you think as I need a non invested opinion. We haven't actually discussed it for weeks but I just wondered what everyone thought!

Husband works 9-4 Mon-Fri (full time hours)
I work- 4:30-10, 4 days a week (part time hours)

I get up with baby from 4am and have him all day till work. (Husband does not help in mornings which is easier for me as I like routine and doing the same every day!)
Husband puts baby to bed at 7pm and gets up with him in the night (usually not at all as he sleeps through but lately a few times).

I do the clothes washing, dishwasher and tidying during the babies naps and I do the babies 3 meals as I am home all day. On the days I'm working my husband will usually have a ready meal or pasta because he doesn't want to eat at 4 with us and I'm not making two meals!

Can't think what else to add. I feel like I go from baby to work to bed whereas husband has 7pm onward without either? Obviously his point is that our baby is amazing and he wishes he could have him all day!

I work evenings as childcare and my wages would be equal and make my job pointless. I am contemplating doing weekends instead as I get very tired having baby then working evenings but it would be a big sacrifice as our social life is only weekends!

What's he being jealous of?

@Chippychipsforme that I get to watch our son all day which he would love, I do get it as I send photos and it must look so fun but I am doing the house etc! Today I've sent him photos of bath time and baking but obviously in-between that was dishes and clothes washing which I don't think he realises!

That sounds fairly equal actually. You may get more 'fun times' with your baby during the day (but realistically, you know it isn't always 'fun'), but you also don't get the downtime in the evenings and you work very long days with a very early start. Your husband misses the day times, but has a bit of a break and time to himself in the evenings. Presumably you both have weekends for now, but he'll have more weekend one on one time if you work more. How old is your baby? The evenings don't stay 'easy' forever. As toddlers and older, they can be quite hell ish and he won't always just have a few free hours after 7pm. Similarly, once your dc starts preschool/primary, you'll have school holidays to share and there will be plenty more time for days out with your dc if he wants him. Is he perhaps jealous because he thinks you get more 'leisure' time being home all day? Has he done full days alone before?

I think whatever the split, someone always feels put out. You do a huge amount - looking after your DC all day, then going to work. You might also be making a sacrifice in terms of your job/career and pension by having to work unsociable hours and p/t. He's only working till 4pm so does at least get some time with your baby - that's more than plenty of parents get.

It's easy to look at the fun bits and think that looks great but the day to day reality is hard. Does he have him for full days at all? And by that I mean he's got to sort all the meals, do the washing, empty the dishwasher etc rather than just having a lovely time!