DS16 is having sex

[LDoh1]

My DS16 has had a GF for 7months. I have found evidence they have had sex. Even though I instigated a non-judgmental conversation about being safe, treating his GF with respect etc, he still denied that they had. I didn't believe him, but let him think he had persuaded me otherwise. We have a great relationship, where we have lots of 'in jokes', and he's very open usually.

Today, whilst chatting with his Dad, he has admitted they are having sex, but he doesn't want me to know as he thinks I'll think less of him.

Do I broach the subject with him, as I feel I've somehow made him feel lesser? Or do I leave it to his Dad to chat with him?

Leaving his Dad to do the talking, I feel he won't get the benefit of the female side of the issue. I just don't know how to return to the matter without making him think his Dad has betrayed his trust in telling me.

Any thoughts and advice would be appreciated.

Thank you - from a Mum who's not ready for her baby to grow up

Hopefully you have already had the conversation about safe sex, etc. Now it's time to back off and leave it alone. Stop looking for "evidence that they've had sex" and stop trying to regain the closeness that was there before. It's normal for teenagers to back away from their parents at this stage of life.

He has talked to his Dad about it, and has explained why he doesn't want to talk to you. Take that on board and let the subject go. He doesn't need "the female side of the issue" as I'm sure his girlfriend will clarify that to him. Back off and let him grow up, he isn't your baby any longer .

I don’t think you should say anything.. it’s great he told his day and his dad can pass on any information needed. There are just some things in life that your parents especially ones of the opposite sex just don’t need to get involved in.. As a mum I think you can help him understand the female side of a relationship but stay out of the sexual side..

This is how I would of felt as a 16 year old.. I’m quite an open person aswell.. but I wouldn’t of started telling my parents when I started a sexual relationship.

Yeah, leave it be, OP. You have had the necessary chat anyway. Anything further will just damage his trust in his father and make you as a unit less likely to find out things in future.