In laws spend far more on kids presents than my parents

[macncheese2]

How do people address the issue of one set of grandparents spending far more on birthday and Christmas presents than the other set? What do you say to your children?
My parents tend to spend around £30 on each of us for birthdays and Christmas. I think this is fine and I would never ask them to spend more. My in laws on the other hand spend around three times this amount & often more! It’s usually more than we’ve spent on our daughters ourselves. My oldest is about to turn 4 and is going to start understanding that some presents / things cost more and as she and her younger sister get older I don’t want them to resent my parents for not giving them more expensive presents. My in laws live nearby, see the girls twice a week and are constantly buying them things all year round - & it’s not always cheap bits and pieces. My parents live over 3 hours away and they see them every 6 weeks or so and buy them very little between Christmas and birthdays.
We are lucky to be comfortably off and I know that if we were struggling financially that my parents would spend a bit more, probably by giving money towards swimming lessons etc rather than toys.
Perhaps its a non issue and the girls will just accept that my parents spend less and not think much of it but I’d be interested to other people’s experiences of this scenario. Thanks x

It's a non issue - good for them to know that diff people have diff budgets, most kids don't normally even notice anyway.

It was never an issue with my DC. One set go GPs has always spent more and that's just the way it is.

It’s the very same for us and ds doesn’t notice at all. Complete non issue

My parents spend a lot on my DC. They buy lovely (but expensive) gifts such as Micro Scooters, bikes etc. And they pay for DC to do 1 x extra curricular activity throughout the year.

It's been known MIL gets DC Xmas presents in Poundland and has previously skipped some birthdays.

It's not a problem but it is noticed.
She doesn't have a lot of spare money and what she does have she spends on evenings out with her friends in pubs & bars! And Is not the most reliable person anyway.

DC has noticed and we've explained its lovely when anyone thinks of you to get you any kind of gift. We're so very lucky to have lots of family members to spend time with on special occasions etc .. it's not about the present.

My PIL are v wealthy and spend lots more on gifts than my parents do. If it helps, my dc are 13 and 10 and they’ve never really noticed. Both sets of gps are really good at getting them gifts my dc enjoy so that tends to be the focus.

No issue. I have pils who are incredibly generous and spend literally thousands. My family might give £20 to the children.
Mine are 12. never been an issue, we've never even discussed it. They're happy and appreciative of everything they receive. Often it's some minor little thing that they love on Xmas day anyway, last year the aldi carrot was the big hit!
Your child is 4. They dont know the cost of things. Teach them appreciation of gifts. Get them to help make home made gifts given with love. Don't focus on money

Absolutely a non issue. One set of my grandparents used to give us bags and bags of toys at Christmas and my other set of grandparents gave us a normal present for Christmas. I've only just realised it now I've read this thread, made no difference to how I saw either set of grandparents.

It's down to you as the parent to raise a child who is grateful for what they receive and shows the appropriate gratitude for the effort taken of choosing a lovely gift and giving it.

Yeh I think you are worrying unnecessarily. Its not exactly the same but I have quite a large but close extended family, so when we spend Christmas with my family, on Christmas morning it looks like Santa's grotto exploded, the gifts cover half of the living room.

Conversely both dhs parents are only children so that is pretty much his whole family. His parents are very generous with the children but still if we spend Christmas with them there is just their Santa gifts and 1 or 2 from us and Grandparents.

Mine are 13 and 8 and if they have ever noticed they have never said anything, it has never affected their relationship with their grandparents and they are equally delighted to spend Christmas with either set.

My mother has never spent more than £20 on me ever, my late MIL would have given me the earth.

If you thought they might be receptive to it, you could suggest that instead of all the random presents, they may like to contribute to a savings account. Point out how much even £5 / week would add up to over 16 years.

Another suggestion could be to ask for season tickets to local zoo / gardens / theme park / whatever, or panto tickets instead of expensive presents. Experiences that can be enjoyed all year.

It’s a non issue , or it was for us . My mum and sisters both always spent loads on our dc ( now adult) , my inlaws spent very little . We actually never discuss money in relation to presents but in our case we also never price match with our own dc so that probably helps/ helped .

We have this - but the other way round. My in laws spend about £30 but have helped lots with childcare and have a really good close relationship with the DC. My parents live further away and will spend more like £70-80. However the DC have never really noticed or commented as they are usually just happy to have a gift. You could ask them to do part present/part cash and start saving?

Agree with contraception
It's down to you as the parent to raise a child who is grateful for what they receive and shows the appropriate gratitude for the effort taken of choosing a lovely gift and giving it

I don’t think you need to ask them to do anything differently. It just is the way life goes, the amount spent on the gift doesn’t equal how much they love your children, it’s the same lesson as if they got gifts your children don’t enjoy. I don’t think there is any need to have emphasis on gift giving to this extent, it should be about the relationship they have with your children. Also many kids at a young age love inexpensive plastic things!

Thanks for all your comments, I appreciate them. I’m glad to hear it’s not as issue for most people in similar circumstances. I do need to make sure my daughters are grateful for gifts they receive. I feel my eldest isn’t, she is so used to being given things she takes it for granted. Something I need to work on!