7 year old asking how babies are made...

[foodiefreckle]

Specifically, "how does the tadpole, get from the boy, to the egg in the girl?"

Not sure where she's heard the term 'tadpole', perhaps school? Or a friend.

Now, I'm quite open and certainly not shy about discussing it with her, I'm keen to keep an open, comfortable and Frank relationship going in the hope that as she's older, she'll feel more than happy discussing all sorts of things with me, she's already told me of a boy she kissed in year one 🙈 But I'm not really sure what's appropriate at this age?

We had a good long chat, about eggs and 'tadpoles' and where the baby grows and why boys can't grow babies. How the baby comes out and even touched on how two girls or two boys would start a family - she had a little light bulb moment as we have recently been discussing how two girls or two boys can marry and realised if it takes a boy and a girl, how do those couples have children?
We stopped with the key question, not because I didn't want to answer, but because we were in M&S 😂. I said I would talk to her about it when we got home and she's not bought it up since...but I know it's coming!

My instinct was to tell her that a man puts his penis inside a woman's vagina and transfers the sperm, from him, to her. Job done. Obviously make it clear it's a very special act that couples in love do, etc etc. However, whilst I don't mind talking to my child about it, I'm not sure how it would go down with other parents if she decided to share her new found knowledge with her friends!

So should I be open and honest with her, or continue to fluff over it for another year or so and avoid talk of sex for now?

If she asks, tell her!

Small amounts of factual info, if she wants to know more then she’ll ask. I think honesty is the best policy with kids - that’s how they learn they can trust you.

Thank you! That's absolutely my instinct but it's new territory and don't want to caus a stir! 🤭

I told my DCs when they were young that a man and a woman have to have a special cuddle which only adults can do, I felt they might get a bit uncomfortable knowing about the actual act; and as you said, this is likely to be repeated at school.

The less of a big deal you make this, the less likely she is to feel the need to tell all her friends. If it's something that is handed to her as a boring fact of life, then why would it become hot gossip?

Plain and simple, I would say that the sperm/tadpole comes out of the penis. It then travels up the vagina and uterus to the fallopian tubes where the egg is waiting. If she asks how that happens, you can say the penis is put inside, but she might not ask.

Usborne have a great book that's age appropriate. At 7 I'm amazed she hasn't questioned before!

My DM just told me when I asked similar questions at this age. It didn't scar me or anything

Get a book and show her age appropriate pictures of penis going into vagina. A good one is It's Not the Stork!: A Book About Girls, Boys, Babies, Bodies, Families and Friends (Family Library (Paperback)) www.amazon.co.uk/dp/0763633313/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_i_7xWXCbSV7X882?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Kids have a perfect right to learn about their anatomy and how it works. Better to share this now than during puberty when it will likely be far more uncomfortable!

Hadalifeonce, I had told her that, which led to her asking for more specific detail!

And yes, matter of fact is the way forward for sure.

I think it's more my responsibility, than the schools to educate her on such things and am really happy that she's treating it as such a normal, interesting conversation.

Was just unsure on whether my feelings are widely shared!

And This is a great opportunity to reinforce rules about private places and consent/ bodily autonomy.

Or get her this... mine loved this from the age of five or so.
www.amazon.co.uk/Where-Willy-Went-Nicholas-Allan/dp/0099456486/?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Ahh thanks for all of your responses, has really made me feel more at ease about sharing the facts with her. I'm surprised she's not asked before now too! We've touched on it before but it's only now that she's really delving into the details!!

Flyingcat! Yes! Very true...hadn't considered that!

DD (6) asked what sex was, a while ago. We told her it means whether you're a man/boy, or a lady/girl. Also, that it's how babies are made.

A few weeks later, she asked how babies are made, we told her that the man has to put the seed, called the sperm, inside the lady, so it can join with the egg, & grow into a baby. A bit like when a bee takes pollen from one flower to another flower, etc.

She has seen pictures of newborn babies, including scan pictures (she wants a baby brother, unfortunately it's not likely to happen).

She knows that men have a penis, that a baby comes out of a woman's vagina (not sure if she knows "vagina" TBH). She didn't ask about how sperm gets to the egg, we will tell her when she asks.

She also knows that a lot of the time, children have a mum & a dad, but some families are different & that's ok too.

Mummy Laid An Egg - Babette Cole.

www.amazon.co.uk/Mummy-Laid-Egg-Picture-Books/dp/0099299119?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

I don't want DD not to know what happens - I didn't find out how you got pregnant until I was 17, from a magazine. It was a bit late, in more ways than one. My mother always avoided the question, I didn't even get the period talk & had to figure that out too. I assume I must have missed a couple of crucial lessons at school!

Bovril, had no intention from hiding it from her, just wasn't sure if it was a bit early! And am perfectly comfortable with the idea 😊 no awkwardness here.

Just wanted to make sure that feelings were mutual I guess and I wasn't going to get horrified looks on the school run! 😁

She's my eldest so obviously all new to me and have heard no mention of sex ed at school yet.

They get sex education in year 5 and 6 at my kids school.

I bought the book Lets Talk About Sex for DD1 when she was 9. We were having a chat about it one night and asked 'So, how does the sperm get from the penis into the vagina?' so I told her the penis went into the vagina and she said 'eugh, what does that feel like?' She obviously was very proud of this new knowledge though because she told her 7yo sister at the dinner table the next day. I have had no complaints from school about my daughters corrupting the rest of the school.

I'm a biologist who grew up on a farm so can't remember not knowing what a bull was for. I think it's far better children get facts from their parents than half truths from their friends or, even worse, the internet. Your DD will have children in her class who have seen porn on phones. Equipping her with knowledge and faith in you to tell her the truth is the only way to protect her from this. Keep doing what you are doing.

I second the book 'It's Not the Stork'. My four-year-old loves it.

Haha my eldest was four (and had questioned us extensively on how her baby sister, then due imminently, had got into mummy’s tummy) when we had the cringeworthy moment of hearing her explaining that a daddy puts his penis into a mummy’s vagina to make a baby - to the new friend she’d met in a soft play center, as i was making small talk with the mother who was also pregnant. The other mother was (thankfully) delighted and more than a little amused!

Ah no, FoodieFreckle, sorry I didn't mean it like that. I just meant, it's just probably really easy to keep avoiding the conversation. I just think in my mother's case, she really should have made sure I actually knew about periods & how babies get made before I had several periods (completely confusing), & found out about contraception etc from magazines, after I'd already had to have a (completely unnecessary) MAP & a loat of verbal abuse but no questions or explanation from my mother, because I'd no idea how a woman got pregnant!

So I'm determined I'm going to do better for DD. No secrecy, no avoiding conversations.

And balls to what the other mums think. TBH I've long suspected that with children, anything that is dressed up as secret, out of bounds, adults only, etc. is all the more interesting to them. So discussing it in a matter of fact, everyday way, as & when questions arise - it will just be another thing. Not necessarily something to that they will gossip or giggle about at all.

We plan to take the same stance with alcohol. If it's normal, & boring, it (hopefully) won't be fascinating by the time a lot of teenagers typically start drinking.

You're right I think, Bovril about things being to secretive! Can also have the opposite effect I think - my mum was quite prudish about it and in turn I always felt quite ashamed about the idea. Took a long, long time to accept that it's all totally normal and natural (it still bothers me now a little) as I grew up it all felt very taboo.