Long-term hospitalisation and worried about effect on baby

[Missingmychildren]

NC for this as quite outing.

I have been unwell since DC2 was born in September but ignored the symptoms as typical new mum tiredness.

I was hospitalised in March and was found to have a very severe, acute form of an auto immune disorder. I have been in an inpatient since then and my consultants have no idea when I will be able to leave - I may need an organ transplant and it could take months.

DCs are being looked after brilliantly by DH, my parents, a nanny (all of whom they had close relationships with already) and other family members. The older one is having lots of play dates, enjoying nursery etc. And the baby is by all accounts very happy and affectionate with everyone, hitting all his milestones etc. But I worry about the effect on both of them of being separated from their mother for months at such a young age.

I have seen them a few times but DC1 (age 4) is upset by seeing me looking so ill in hospital and I am too weak to do much more than watch and smile at DC2.

Does anyone else have any experience of this?

Also, when I am out of hospital, I would really like to do something to help rebuild my attachment with both of them - are there are any clinics/ centres in London which specialise in this? I have a great relationship with DC1 but feel I hardly know DC2 since I've been so ill since he was born.

I'd also be interested in hearing any experiences of maternal separation from babies and young children for other reasons (eg work).

What a difficult situation.
I was recently in/out of hospital a fair amount. I used to FaceTime at breakfast time and bed time, which helped me to feel involved with the children’s day-to-day activities. There was a patients’ lounge on my ward which was nice for visiting, and the DC would often bring a simple game or a colouring book which I could help with.
Now that I am home, the children seem to expect me to disappear back to hospital at any moment. I would suggest that, upon your discharge from hospital, your husband takes some time off work and you all just stay at home for a few days. The children need to be used to you bring in the house again.
I’m afraid I can’t recommend anything more specialist. I hope things get better soon.

I don’t have personal experience of this as a mum. But you poor thing. The thing I’d say is children are super-resilient. My dad was abroad for whole stretches of my childhood but my siblings and I barely remember him being gone for more than a day or two, and all of us have strong relationships with him now. Children remember love. That’s the main thing. Wishing you luck and a speedy return to good health. Xx

Thanks so much @DownWentTheFlag - those are great ideas. I think I should make more time to see the children when I am in here, I've been nervous about upsetting my son but it would be nice to be more involved in his life. I can't wait to be out again and reconnect as a family

@isobellini that's lovely, thank you so much for your reassuring words. I know they're surrounded by love from so many people - and I am sure they will remember how much I love them too

How hard on you and your family. I agree with some of the comments above that children are resilient and DC2 is so young that as long as there is love and affection and all needs being met there will be no problem. It will be more for you as you are carrying all the worry and fear. Really hope you can find some answers and also wish you better health - and as soon as possible. X

Thanks @RosieBlakeWriter for your kindness. They are loved and happy children so fingers crossed everything will be okay

When I was 6 months my dad was diagnosed with TB and was hospitalised for 6 months. Looking back I remember nothing of it and it never affected my relationship with him. I am now 52 and he has been dead 8 years this year and I miss him every day.
I can only tell you things from a child's viewpoint. I am sure you must be feeling awful about it. Children are resilient and you are there as you are ill. Best wishes and I hope you are home soon with your little ones.

@tinytemper66 thanks so much - that is really useful to have a child's perspective,especially as you are the same age my youngest was when I went into hospital. It must have been so tough on your mother at the time, but it is reassuring to hear that your relationship with your father was unaffected

I was diagnosed with stage IV cancer when my baby was eleven weeks old. I was straight on to fortnightly chemo and in the first 18 months of her life had multiple surgeries including one that went wrong and resulted in eleven weeks in hospital, three in ICU. We too had a nanny and lots of family help. She is now nearly four and our relationship is very strong. My best advice is to focus on getting as well as you can - the rest will sort itself out. Xxx

@Violet25 I am so sorry that you had to go through so much it sounds like an in incredibly difficult time for you. Thanks so much for taking the time to comment and for your reassurance x

I have pictures of us visiting him in hospital on our first birthday- we were not allowed to go inside but have pictures of us outside the window of the hospital!
This was in 1967! 😂

@tinytemper66 luckily mine are actually allowed to come see me!