Positive stories anybody?

[missingthecertainty]

Heya, me and my husband are planning to start trying for a child but in my (slightly obsessive) research I’m struggling to find actual positive stories. Anything more than platitudes, something real. I understand that parenting is going to challenge us in ways we don’t even know yet and of course people should have places they can be real about the issues (absolutely not trying to shame anyone who has the guts to be honest about their struggles) but please, anyone, tell me if it’s good sometimes too?! Do you still want to be a parent, knowing what you know now, would you still choose this? And importantly, why? There must be more than just the small moment moments when they smile in amongst the awfullness, surely? Desperately hoping there is some light?! Not looking for answers that gloss over the reality, just to know if there is some positive balance to the challenge. Stories perhaps where people enjoy being parents! Thank you!

OMG OP is this really your opinion of having a child? I must be lucky then as I’m one of the happy ones with a good kid. Wish I could have had more.

Really? You can't think of any positives? Or are you just spending time visiting "funny mum blogs" where people opine on how kids are so difficult and that's why they drink gin?

If there were no positives then people wouldn't do it more than once...

Of courser there are wonderful moments. My life is full of them at the moment. I have dcs who are graduating, passing driving tests, being presented with DofE awards, and just generally being really, really nice young adults. I burst with pride on a weekly basis at the moment.
That's how it is for lots of people, but, like most things - people will post on here when they have a problem, or an issue they want to discuss.
People don't post on here to say "I've had a really nice day today - dc played in the paddling pool... dc1 was really nice to dc2. Then we had a nice picnic in the garden"..... people would be asking 'so?'

Being a parent does have times when it is hard work - most will have spells when it is utterly exhausting, but there are months and years of things being just fine. There are LOADS of bursting with pride moments along the way - from the first time they say a word to their first steps to their first nativity play o when you catch them doing something really kind and so on and so on and so on.

I found 'baby times' really hard work - we were working long hours and had no money and my dc1 didn't sleep much, but he has brought me so much joy over the last 20 years, if far outweighs the tricky times.

My boys are amazing. Sometimes I am so tired. I work full time and also love my job which i’m A bit slacker at these days. Sometimes I miss my very present, very helpful, equal parenting husband because we can’t just focus on each other. I miss not being almost constantly worried but they are wonderful amazing tiny humans and I love my life with them. It’s great. they are 1.5 and 4 years. Xx

Everything Backforgood said.

I also have teens and it gets better and better. I’m just so proud of them.

It’s really, really hard work when they are little, physically hard. But that’s all it is. Watching them grow and becoming the people they are is an absolute privilege.

And being able to say ‘I did that’ fills me with enormous pride.

You’ve been reading too much Mumsnet op

I have eight month old twins. Before they were born I absorbed all the babies are boring, it’s all just really hard rhetoric that you see on here.

Well guess what? My babies are amazing! Motherhood is amazing They are the best things in my life and the love I have for them surpasses anything else I’ve felt before

Yes sleep deprivation is tough, but you just deal with it. The pluses far far outweigh the minuses in every way. I feel like in our culture you’re almost not allowed to say how wonderful motherhood is. People will make almost sympathetic noises at me about how hard having twins must be and when I say it’s great they look shocked

It will show up every crack in your relationship though so be braced for that. My DH is frankly lucky he’s still alive.

I have loved pretty much every single minute of parenting so far (and I was convinced I wouldn't). My DD has given me so much joy. I am so bored of 'being a parent is shit' messaging on social media. It isn't. It's the best thing I've ever done.

It is as hard as everyone says it is and then some. Nobody can adequately prepare you for how difficult it is. And you will experience the lowest moments of your life. But despite all that, it's worth it. And that - the fact that something can be worth it despite being awful - proves just how wonderful it is. I can't imagine life without my daughter now. She's my best friend and the love of my life.

4 kids here. Nothing positive to add.

When I was pregnant, the amount of people that said negative things was ridiculous. It was starting to get me down really.

Then someone spoke to us and said everything that gave me the hope I needed. He said it was amazing and being a parent one the greatest things he'd ever done.

And it is. Yeah there are some not so great bits. DS had colic and he disturbs my sleep an insane amount. But the amazing stuff far outweighs that and it happens every day. Watching him grow has been phenomenal. I was even lucky enough to have a pretty awesome birth too.

His laugh makes me feel ridiculously happy. He's such a cheeky sense of humour. It's so wonderful to be part of this. It's such a unique experience and I try so hard to cherish it every day.

Agree with PP that it gets irritating constantly seeing SM putting out 'parenting is shit' all the time.

It is boring, and lonely, and hard work and everything you have heard is true. You swap your identity for being ‘x’s Mum’. Your body isn’t your own. You’re never the same again.

All that is true. You never hear anyone going ‘I had a great day today, we took sandwiches to the park’. Personally, I love all that, but nobody wants to know about it.

I don’t think I have found anything more challenging than raising my children. It continues to challenge me.

You don’t have to have them, it isn’t compulsory.

I wouldn’t have it any other way, and for me, it’s what fulfils me. Has done from the moment I became a mother. It doesn’t define me, but it’s what I love most about my life.

I feel sad for you that you can't think of a single happy thing that can come from having a child. People like to have a moan, people look to sites like MN for support and advice, social media isn't real life.

My heart has been so full of joy since having my child, he is the best thing in the world. I would, however, like more sleep.

OP there is nothing in the world like it. Am I constantly tired? Yes. Are my tits down to my kneecaps? Absolutely. Does my kid cough and snot in my face on a daily basis? You bet. I miss being able to leave the house at a moments notice, read a book uninterrupted, binge a shit box set hungover and eat my lunch without someone screaming until I give them some even though they said they weren't hungry and threw all theirs on the floor.

But oh my god, that first smile, that first laugh, the first time you teach em to clap or throw a ball - sounds stupid - but it's just one of the best feelings. You burst with pride! I have never experience such spontaneous raw laughter.. when they're not making you cry they're making you laugh. They teach you so much too!

It's a 24/7 job, it can be lonely, physically and mentally exhausting and very thankless. Some days I thought how am I going to get through today (still have the odd day now) but it's pure unconditional love and a friend for life.