What hobby/interest would you recommend?

[Wholetthekidsout]

I'm ft working mum of 2. In not very intellectually challenging job (but pays the bills). Pursuing otherwise will mean more hours, travel or stress which will break me). Been having somewhat of an extended identity crisis because of the career side of things. I used to have work and DH as my sole best friend and together since 17. Pre kids we travelled (active stuff - sailing, hiking) gigs, tried new places or experiences together. Also had better job. Now we are co-parents, both with little time nor energy and anythinf to talk about aside from synching diaries. I get home 730pm most days (pretty normal for London) and work from home a day. I actually really hate it because it's so isolating, i dont like being house bound and I can't get much work done with school runs.

Growing up I was never into music, arts and crafts or any 'patient' stuff though I painted and did ballet (parents choice) till uni. I hated dance and performance arts as it was all girly, catty and make up. I can cook but now its just to feed kids as quick as I can. I can also read obviously but i dont enjoy fiction and also, I can hardly go past a page of news before a child slaps other child and i or dh have to step in. Recently dh forced me to take up tennis because I've been down and out - dont see the point as im not going to get to a high level nor can i ever beat DH. he is a)physically stronger b)used to play to competive level.
I dont exercise but i am fortunately physically fit - cycle or run to work (2 hours a day to save money) i dont enjoy cycling or running, because its so mind numbing dull, just see as necessary for commute or fill an exercise quota. I also use cleaning the house as exercise. I guess time is a bit of issue here. Our parents are hours away.

Used to ski but now lost that passion, much more cautious after kids. it's also too expensive anyway and a once in 2 year thing. I have various summer camping trips planned but not terribly excited about it other than some quality family time and break from work.

I guess while i am vey thankful I feel very flat and meh, not sure where to find adrenalin and motivation and also enjoy motherhood more. My dh has his things like cricket and video games and seems to cope with kids better. I feel i have no personal identity other than to economically provide for kids and discipline (it's just, get dressed, clean yourself up, do this, do that). Part of it is tiredness. I don't feel it but am I just depressed? Sorry for long post. Would finding a hobby help? What can I try? What age will it get better with kids and less of a drag?

Hi OP, sorry for long post. I have been in a similar boat, except I am currently on maternity leave after having #2. I found working full time with 1 quite stressful, but with 2 kids now I'm kind of dreading going back, but looking forward to it at the same time. My job is ok, I'm getting bored of it but hopefully after a short while being back at work it will pick up again. There's lots of change, but there might be some opportunities due to this (or redundancy!!). Have you thought about moving in to a role you find stimulating? I was in a job which 'paid the bills' and didn't challenge me, but I had to stay for the flexible hours to avoid high childcare costs until DC qualified for free childcare hours. Moving in to my current role now gave me a bit of a boost initially, and in hindsight I wish I did this earlier and found a way to make it work financially. Another thing I did prior to this is look on course websites like future learn and Udemy for short skills based courses. They are either free, or Udemy do flash sales where they are really cheap. This helped build my confidence.

I feel similar to you too, as there are things I enjoy - the great outdoors etc, but just find it hard to turn anything in to a passion outside of work. I feel like my role in life is cleaner, mother and my job, and I look fondly back at my childless 20's feeling like it was chaotic, but at least I had a spring in my step! I feel particularly less like myself now as I'm carrying more weight after having a baby 6 weeks ago! What I did notice in my old job (where sometimes I coordinated activities) is people thought I had lots of interests as I did lots of art and gardening with people. The gardening/growing veg bit I did at home felt like a chore due to lack of time, when it really is a hobby! I loved painting, but as I don't get time to do it in my own time, I didn't see it that way and would tell people I didn't really have any hobbies or interests when they asked.

My OH has a new hobby each week and will try anything, but I'm a bit more reluctant for similar reasons to you - I'm not going to 'master' the hobby and it just costs money and time might be better spent elsewhere. OH tends to try lots of different hobbies and get bored after a few months when he isn't amazing at it, but he always reminds me that at least he tries! OH has urged me to get a hobby for my own sanity, but I'm also breastfeeding, so can't really go anywhere without baby who is still very little. One thing I might try to do is scriptwriting (always wanted to do this), but it is something that will keep me in the house! I'm also going to try and meet other mothers too as my social circle has declined a lot due to friends moving away.

My suggestion would be to look at what you do already - e.g. do you like fashion and would like to know how to make your own clothes if you don't know already/ Do you like nature and like sport/being outdoors and what hobby would put you in the best place to enjoy nature? I know deep down writing is something I always wanted to do and realistically it will never get on TV, but now I just want to do it because it is something I enjoy more than anything. There might be something you can even do with the kids like a sport or martial art, but then that wouldn't be time away to yourself! do you think training for a charity run would make your running commute less dull?

One of the symptoms of feeling low and slightly depressed is not getting pleasure out of the things that used to give you pleasure. You list quite a few things you used to do but don't do now because you don't feel quite the same way about them. Also, you feel you need to get good at something in a very short space of time. Maybe do the opposite. Don't try to fill your time any more then you do. Take the time to "sit and stare" a bit rather than put pressure on yourself to be doing something and achieving something. You have two children who will change and develop every day that passes and one day in years to come you'll reflect back on those years. Getting involved in things may just come by accident. It presents itself at the right time rather than you having to actively go out and do it as a quest, only to get disappointed when it doesn't fill the void you think it's going to.

I'm going through a series of health interviews at the moment as part of an academic experiment. When asked "Do I prefer to stay at home rather than go out and try new things?" I emphatically said Yes. The interviewer adjusted her specs, furrowed her brow and made a note. I knew exactly what I meant when I said I didn't want to.

Sorry if this is a bit Agony Auntish and preachy.

Just another thought, if being good or knowledgeable about something is important to you, they do say it takes 1,000 hours of practise to get good at something. Even though you might not have the time to master a hobby now, one day you'll have a life away from kids and hopefully much more free time. By then you would have probably got pretty good at or have lots of knowledge about something. Maybe think of something that interests you that you can take with you in to middle and old age too? This might not work so well at doing sports (you might not win medals, but you could be the fittest and fastest 80 year old!).

Sorry if I'm throwing lots of thoughts on here. It's just I feel totally the same as you with lacking in purpose a bit and know it's not a great place to be! When I was at Uni I was really driven and was good at my subject, so I felt much more like the real me, but sadly this feeling has not materialised since!