Update: Video AMA with clinical psychologist Dr. Elizabeth Kilbey posted

[ElizabethKilbey]

Does your child have any behavioural issues that are proving really challenging to manage? Is managing their behaviour causing disagreements about the best way to handle it? Or do you wonder whether there’s a simple explanation for your child's behaviour that could help you manage things more effectively and feel calmer about it?

I'm Dr. Elizabeth Kilbey, Consultant Clinical Psychologist and a mother of 3 children. Aside from my 16 years of practise working with children in both the NHS and private practice, I’ve also appeared on Channel 4’s Secret Life of Four and Five Year Olds to try and explain the normal and everyday brilliance of the interactions between young children.

Next week, I’m coming in to Mumsnet to answer your questions in a video AMA. So leave your questions below and I’ll try to answer as many as I can!

This is a bit niche (I have a thread in Parenting about it) but can you recommend ways to rebuild attachment between mother and children after an enforced separation of several months? I've been in hospital for two months and have hardly seen my four year old and eight month old since being hospitalised - I may be in for several more months. How can I build a bond with the baby and reassure my four year old when I am back home?

Do you have any advice on how to deal with a young child who shows clear preference for one parent? My 2 year old is devoted to his dad: calls for him, wants stories only from him, pushes me away. He's fine when he's alone with me, or me and his 4-yr-old brother.
I totally get that this is a phase and I mustn't take it personally. My OH is lovely and supportive, even though the "daddy daddy" can get a bit wearing for him, too. It's been this way for over a year.
It just makes me very sad sometimes, and I wondered if you had any tips.

Hello, i am looking for advice my daughter suffers from C.V.S and has done since she was three amd a half. It took years to get a proper diagnosis. She is ondansetron. It is not helping her. She is throwing up uncontrollably every fortnight. The medicine is working she has one good week a month where she seems to be happy and healthy the rest of the time she is suffering. She has lost her sparkle she misses out on life in general a eleven yr old should have. When im caring for her im not working and im not earning. My employers are being understanding at the moment but for how long as my last employers ran out of compassion. This new pattern has been happening ever since christmas day when she was hospitalized. Her consultant is at a loss what to do. Is there anyone out there that specializes in the condition that can help. Thank you

I have three boys:
The oldest (7) has ASD, middle son (5) is extremely charming, does very well in school but outside of school can display extreme anxiety, rigidity, is super intense and can be very physical with any upset - which he only shows at home, or where people he knows aren’t around and it’s mostly directed at me. We have just finished a Theraplay course where he was sweetness personified and was the complete opposite to what I had put on the ‘concerns’ form. I’ve also done ParentGym to see if it would help.
The youngest (3) has a speech delay and is on the waiting list for support (we already go to chatterbox sessions).

My question: How do I support my five year old when he’s obviously struggling? He gets het up so quickly and is so easily triggered but we found that even if we did capitulate to demands he wasn’t actually any happier/placated so now we’re following the same routine that our seven year old has: safe space, calm down tome, immediate removal to bedroom if he hurts anyone, lots of praise when he gets a star for his reward chart. It has helped but I’m just not sure what to do next!

Hi, I have a four year old who is very bright and very verbal/argumentative. He is also very physical and competitive. This competitiveness is what we struggle with the most as he gets hysterically upset and violent when faced with losing/not being strongest/fastest/best/ etc etc. He is starting school in sept and I’m really worried that this will hinder his ability to make friends and also cope at school. How can I help him?? Thanks

I had untreated PND for the best part of 18 months after having DD. She is now 23 months and completely adored, but I still have regular days where I feel like a rubbish mum/not good enough for her/worried she will cotton on that I’m not that great when she’s older and we won’t be close. Just started CBT so hoping this will help. Are you able to offer any reassurance that DD won’t be/hasn’t been affected by my PND?
I’m a SAHM, we do lots of outings together, she’s still breastfed, we co-sleep, all the things on paper that are meant to encourage a close bond, but I worry myself silly it’s not there (May be to do with me not having a close relationship with my own mum)

How can I help my 14 year old eat a wider range of food. Hi has sensory and texture issues - with clothes as well as food. For savory food he willingly eats pizza (has/margarita) fishfingers, broccoli, carrots bread and chicken. But only in specific ways. It’s been like this for years. I do present different options
He has quite a lot of anxiety around foods and has been known to throw up an a restaurant rather than eat the food. On school trips he spends the week eating bread.
I supplement with vitamins

I have an eleven year old dd that does not stop, she finds it hard to sit down, focus or concentrate (although she is very intelligent when she does ) she angers so easily and slams doors, but then the next minute is fine. She is so haphazard and abit all over the place.

How do I steady her, and help her feel calmer and more relaxed? How do I teach her how to focus?

She is coming up for twelve and still reminds me of a toddler in the way she is so impulsive, even her speech is at a 100 miles an hour.

We have a calm and orderly home, with structures and routines in place. I do not shout or get angry, and we play classical music, burn sandalwood to no avail and ask her to count to ten when she is upset, give consequences (screen ban etc) for very angry behaviour. I am not sure what more I can do.

How do you nurture a relationship with a young teen (13, boy) who insists he hates you, won’t spend any time with you, is always cross and defiant to any suggestion?

My 9 year old is very anxious at bedtime. Doesn’t want to be upstairs on his own and always wants me or DH with him at bedtime and to stay upstairs whilst he sleeps. He says he is frightened of burglars but we have never been burgled or any close friends or family (thank God!). How can we help him conquer his fear and anxiety ?

My 1 and half year old bites, hits and punches me. I’ve tried to ignore him and saying we don’t bite etc but doesn’t seem to be working. He is very clingy and hates it if I’m busy with something e.g. cooking and would throw a fit then do all of the above. If I ignore him he cries and screams then does it again. I’ve tried to put him in his cot when he’s lik this but that doesn’t help either

My 4 year old son has never met his father. We don't speak to him either but I do receive some money from him and the odd email. He lives far away and I have always told my son that was the reason that he wasn't in contact. My son has started to tell stories about his father "My daddy says.." and "when my daddy was here,...". Why is he doing this? What is the best way to deal with it? Ask him for more information? Ignore it?

I need help. My ex comes across lovely to everyone, but behind the scenes he’s always been emotionally abusive. We split when my son was nearly 4. He’s now 7 and his dad is telling him that I’m a whore, and that I don’t love him. He did the same to his older son, and his other son is now 18 and has pretty much cut out his mum due to his dad. The courts have ordered joint custody, and I’m really worried about the impact my ex is having on our son

My 4yo daughter, who started school in September is loving, affectionate but regularly physically lashes out at her peers and sometimes me. She hits when she doesn't get her own way or at a perceived injustice. She will also shout at me - literally in my face - and spit on the floor. It doesn't happen every day but pretty much every week I get called into her classroom. It feels like she has no impulse control. When we talk about it afterwards she can identify what she should have done to resolve the situation but can't articulate why she did it. She also has tantrums about having to wear items of school uniform and may change clothes 3 or 4 times before accepting an outfit. We don't model this kind of behaviour to her and spend a lot of time talking about being kind. We also try to pay her lots of positive attention when she is behaving well and avoid rewarding poor behaviour with more attention. It is happening so often we are questioning whether there is an underlying issue and if it is 'normal' behaviour. Her elder sister (8) never had similar issues. Do you have any advice? Would you recommend seeking professional help?

Hi everyone - we've had a few people asking if this is legit, as it was posted by Elizabeth rather than from a Mumsnet account. Don't worry, it is definitely for real and is MNHQ approved. Dr. Kilbey is coming in this afternoon so if you have any questions for her, there's still some time.

Thanks!

How can you explain death to a 3, almost 4, year old without scaring them. My son has asked about family members and pets he's seen in photos around a year ago and we thought we'd done alright in explaining it. However, recently my Mum has been talking to him more about them as he goes to her house regularly and she has a lot of old photos up and now he is getting really upset every few days saying he's going to miss me when I die.

Hi my daughter is 11 years old and a total nightmare just now behavioural wise. She shouts and screams at me and her Dad and her 7 year old sister. Anything we ask her to do is met with a fight and an attitude. She is completely different at school, she is school captain and no teacher has a bad word to say about her.
She is extremely jealous of her sister and I am not sure why as they have always been treated the same. This started as soon as her sister was born, the first time she met her she pulled her hair, she hid her favourite toy. She will always say everything was fine until her little sister came along and ruined it, there is 3 and a half years between them. I'm at my wits end and so is my husband on how to handle the situation.

Hi all,

We will be uploading Dr. Kilbey's video response shortly. Unfortunately we weren't able to address everybody's questions, as Elizabeth didn't have long with us - but there's a strong possibility we'll do this again in the future, so keep your eyes peeled. And thanks for taking part!

Thanks for all the questions, sorry I didn't get around to all of them, and I hope my advice is helpful! I just want to note: I can't make anything like a diagnosis based on a short message online, so if you have concerns speak to your GP, health visitor, or your child's school.