Fussy eaters - how to get them to eat?

[Nooperella]

Looking for help with fussy eaters (sorry, this is long!). I have three DC aged 5, 5, 4 (all just turned) they’re all fussy. We’re on holiday at the moment, all inclusive, and they will eat literally nothing but the chips and bread as all the veg/meat is served in some sort of sauce/stew/dressing or is otherwise unfamiliar. I’m mortified tbh, it’s brought home what a state I’ve let their diet get into.

At home they have a very limited repertoire, they will eat veg (peas/broccoli/maybe carrots) but only with copious amounts of ketchup and under duress. If I push ‘decent’ food on them the twins will flat out refuse or try to comply but gag theatrically and the youngest will sit there with a mouthful of something she doesn’t want to eat and wail for half an hour, refusing to swallow it. It ends up a battle of wills and I don’t think it’s a great way to help their relationship with food.

I was reading another thread with menu suggestions for a 4 year old including things like sautéed broccoli, sole, steak - and I don’t understand HOW? Mine won’t even touch carrot or cucumber sticks, you can forget dips or hummus, it just gets left. The twins will at least eat some fruit but the little one won’t touch it unless it’s dried which is fine in moderation but I know not great for her teeth. They all hate meat unless sausages and only one twin will eat fish. Even plain pasta, rice or potato is left, they won’t eat sauces or soup so stealth veg isn’t an option.

I actually love cooking and make most of my and DH’s meals fresh, it’s a healthy varied diet with lots of different fruit, veg and meat. I would LOVE to feed them
decent food, it’s not laziness or lack of ability, but the kids simply won’t eat it and I’m fed up scraping full plates into the bin. I admit with three of them to deal with I’ve taken the path of least resistance and given them different meals to us. We also don’t always eat together as to be honest it’s a vile experience, every mealtime is a battle and sometimes I just want to be able to enjoy my own dinner before it goes cold without losing my temper with a child for spitting chewed up chicken out or having a massive tantrum over eating one piece of carrot. Plus I work some evenings so we’re not always together as a family anyway.

How? Please someone, tell me HOW you get your children to eat decent food when they just don’t bloody well like it or won’t even try it? And if they do try it have already decided they hate it - for example gave youngest some raspberry yoghurt this morning. Because it’s not in a pot like she’s used to she wouldn’t try it, I made her saying she’d like it, she tried it and then pulled a face like she was being poisoned. She loves raspberry yoghurt FFS. This is a typical response to anything outside her ‘safe’ repertoire.

As a final point as I don’t want to drip feed info, I was very fussy as a child, always a bit overweight and then hugely overweight as a teen when I got free access to the canteen/tuck shop. It’s taken me decades and a lot of effort to have an even slightly healthy relationship with food, I do not want this for my kids. However I can still remember the feeling of dread at being made to eat the hated vegetables which I genuinely found repulsive and don’t want to do that to them either.

Don't let it become a battle. Put their food in front of them and leave them to it. If they don't eat then that's their choice cover their plate and reheat it when they're hungry. Don't be drawn into a fight about it. If you all including your dh eat together carry out conversations not related to food to distract them.

My DS is 3 and a half and is like this - all he eats is fruit, peanut butter, crackers, toast, rice and couscous.

I have tried sneaking vegetables into his food to no avail.

He attend nursery and eats pasta, sausages and chicken curry. He won't entertain chips!

Not a clue how to move forward and HV said he should grow out of it

My son came to me as an almost two year old eating nothing but beans, toast, banana and chocolate.

We always eat together (apart from his nursery lunch of course), I always sit opposite him so he can see what I’m eating, when he was first here I also used to talk about what I was eating. I also had him sat on the worktop watching and would give him some of the uncooked to play with.

Obviously everymeal was bloody beans on toast for him, so on the side of his plate I would put a small amount of one of the items I was eating, this was mentioned but all I did was say for example “you have some courgette if you want to try it”, it would then be totally ignored.

It took about two weeks (and he wasn’t at nursery at this point), so about 40 meals before he tried a new item (it was cassava), so after that I gave him a small bit of roasted cassava every lunch/dinner until he was eating it fairly confidently. But I was also still giving him an additional item from my meal.

He is almost four and he will essentially eat anything I give him, the only thing he genuinely doesn’t like is aubergine. He still has his moments, he wouldn’t eat his lunch on Sunday, personally I don’t make a big deal about it, in the bin it goes, but if you’re hungry between lunch and dinner then it does become a case of tough shit you’ve got to wait until dinner time.

Thanks for the suggestions.

@SimonJT yours is the advice I’ve always been given but it has never worked for us. They’ve had foods put on their plates alongside things they actually will eat since they were small, and until recently no pressure to eat them. Never ever touched them voluntarily in three years never mind three weeks! It’s not so much just introducing unfamiliar foods, they’ve generally tried it before and have made the decision that they hate it and won’t eat it. So I need some way of getting through the mental barrier they’ve put up. I appreciate some food they might just genuinely hate, but there’s plenty of food I know they would like if they hadn’t already decided to hate it, if that makes sense? I think they copy each other as well, so a food one avoids tends to be disliked by all three if that makes sense - if one says ‘eww disgusting’ then the others follow suit, no matter how much I wax lyrical about how much I’m enjoying my delicious lasagne!

@MumUnderTheMoon thanks. I think this is the route we may have to go down, simply in terms of getting something nutritious into them. The twins especially are old enough to understand ‘healthy’ food and why they should eat it. It’s just the thought of the three way epic hungry tantrums that will ensue that stop me, that and the memory of my mum serving up the same plate of something detested for meal after meal when I was a child. Don’t think it ever made me enjoy the food, even if I eventually choked it down.

I’m not bothered about them finishing their plates btw - just want them to eat a balanced diet according to their appetite!

I have had one child who initially looked as if he would be a fussy eater, but luckily turned out not to be one. What I have read, observed, and experienced in working is to eat as a family in a shared meal promotes trying foods. Sit down with empty plates and with the food in a serving dish in the centre and dish out to everyone in front of them. Eating becomes a participatory activity where the toddler is on equal terms with the other people at the table. What made this easier is that in the culture I grew up in, everyone would have their own rice bowl, and all other foods, of which their was a variety, were shared and placed in individual dishes in the centre of the table. This way, you did not have to eat everything and could pick and choose foods as well as amounts.

I never made my children eat everything and I never had other options - I only asked that they take 2 bites of the food.

Ds 5 has been like that until very recently.We started telling him he must try the food and if he doesn't like it then fine he never has to have it again, just one try.He has discovered he likes much more than he thought this way,I think it's because he feels like he has some control over the situation iykwim

I've a fussy eater too and she has taken to dipping her food in apple juice and will usually eat it that way. Carrots, brocoli, sausage - not a problem with the apple juice. I know it's not ideal but I don't really care as long as she is trying it. She's only 2.5 though so not sure if it'd work with 4/5 year olds.

It takes 15 try's to get used to a new taste you just have to keep neutral. Most babies and small children will react to a new taste with a funny face. Parents then interpret that as them not liking it and respond accordingly. Just stay calm. Ignore any screaming and tantrums. Give them lots of healthy options. While your breaking the back of this don't keep "treats" in the house so there is nothing to give in to.

Offer don't pressure, and don't give up!

My 7yo DD had recently started eating peas having been offered them at least once a week for at least 6 years!

She's also recently started liking cabbage, carrots, rice, lettuce and guacamole.

To avoid waste and kids sitting sadly over plates of unwanted food, could you try meals where everyone helps themselves from the centre of the table? Cook meals that you and your DP want to eat but always include some elements that your DC like. Let them help themselves and try not to comment more than fleetingly on their choices.

Another thing that works for us is inviting friends round for meals and eating in different situations (picnics, etc.).

My DC are usually happy to taste something new when I'm cooking (or when they're cooking with me). I think not being at the table takes the pressure off a bit.

Firstly, for a week, make a list of all the foods they will eat. Lots of children are very picky but actually when you break it down they will often eat a number of things over a number of days which we don’t think about.

So often a parent will say “oh, little Johnny is so picky he’ll only eat” and then reel off a list of foods which he eats at various times e.g. eggs for breakfast followed by cheese and grapes for a snack and some sandwich for lunch and then something else for dinner and before you know it you do have a more balanced diet than you realised and can merely build on it.

Not that all children are like that though I grant you. I was the child who ate nothing but shreddies for about six months.... .

However, once you have a list of things they will eat, find a way to incorporate those into their diet to start with. So if a child will eat grapes then they can have grapes for pudding instead of a biscuit. If they’ll eat boiled eggs then let them have boiled egg for breakfast. If not then toast or whatever serial they’ll eat.

For lunch and dinner just add a bit of something to their plate and encourage them to try it. Trying at least a mouthful can result in a star on a chart and a treat at the end of the week if they’ve done so consistently.

If food gets left remove it without comment, and in terms of negativity, not eating a food is ok, saying that it’s disgusting is not and will. Not be tolerated. They don’t have to like it, but many others do and it’s rude to brand food as disgusting. Don’t like it, then you leave it without comment.

Also, there is this almost expectation that children will love chips. If they don’t then big deal. My nephew actually doesn’t like any kind of potatoes and that’s fine. He eats other things instead including veg and so on.

Right now though you’re on holiday and I’m guessing that it’s a buffet, so I would just let them choose and get on with it, and tackle the eating when you get home.

I can't get my dd to eat any kind of potato or pasta so you're not alone there. I tend to give her a plate full of options and if she doesn't eat it goes in the bin. I also stop snacks and only give her food at mealtimes now - depending on what we're doing that day!

Have heard of the mythical 15 tries before, but once they’ve tried it once and decided they hate it how on earth does one facilitate the extra 14 tries?

I love the idea of shared serving dishes, it hasn’t even occurred to me but I serve up in the kitchen and then bring plates to the table usually. Will definitely try this, along with maybe a reward chart.

The one bonus of the holiday buffet disaster is that at least they can’t snack between meals as there is nowhere to get anything. I’ll stick to this once we’re home as I’m sure snacking is a major problem.

My son is also fussy when it comes to eating. Thankfully though he LOVES football.

So i've developed a game called 'Foodball'. My son plays weekly games against teams such as Munchester Utd, Tastenham Hotspud and Luncherpool.

Each 'team' has a different strength and a way to beat them. i.e for trying a new food you get one goal, if you like it you get an extra goal. If you don't try a new food one day, then the other team score a goal.

He got to name his team and design the kit so its become very interactive for him. It also acts as a diary as sorts as the new foods or what he has eaten is written down in his 'goals'

I guess this could be adapted for any team sport, if thats what your kids are into?

That is absolute genius @Antn ! The DC don't really do team sports (they're still quite young) but I could probably try it with gymnastics moves or something....hmm. Will have to think about how it's adaptable!