9 months, first time mum, overwhelmed

[mummaroo88]

Hi everyone.

I’m a first time mum and feeling rather overwhelmed. Baby is nearly 10 months (6th May) and to be honest I’ve been very overwhelmed from the beginning. DS has always been quite an unsettled baby. When we’re out and about in a busy place he is happy and smiling (for a little while before getting unsettled and wanting to leave) and loves being in the sling. But I’m really struggling. His little cheeks are red pretty much all of the time and he has a terrible teething rash under his chin (which we have been prescribed cream for). I feel like he is constantly teething and must be in pain (which makes me feel terrible for complaining).

We are currently battling with night wake ups (although they have reduced in the last two nights). He was waking hourly, then two hourly, then slowly increased it to 3 and were now on 4 hours which is great. I’ve been trying everything to help these wake ups (reducing awake time, lengthening awake time, reducing naps, letting him sleep longer, reducing amount of naps from 3-2) but we’re currently on a theee nap schedule, mainly because the early wake up means he struggles to get to bedtime. Our day looks something like this:

5am wake up
7:30 nap until 8:15
11:00 nap until 12:30
3:30 nap until 4:15
Bed at 7:30

I’ve tried bringing bedtime forward as well and that seemed to make night wake ups worse. I wouldn’t mind the early wake ups so much but he wakes so so unhappy and is then unhappy until the first nap and sometimes even after this nap. He naps in the sling currently because he cries if I put him in the cot. Health Visitor recommended cry it out but I’m struggling with the balance of meeting his needs and knowing when something is really wrong 😞 They day you shouldn’t leave your baby when teething, what if they're constantly teething?

He also is going through a super clingy phase and is often head butting my boobs and pulling my top down and then crying when he comes off. Its not hunger as he sometimes does this after a meal. It’s like he wants to be with me all the time but then isn’t happy when he’s with me unless I’m walking around and sometimes only if I go out!

I feel awful for complaining. I’m so lucky. He’s all I’ve ever wanted but I just feel so completely overwhelmed with the change in my life. I don’t feel like me anymore! I cried when my husband left for work this morning out of pure dread of what my day held, on my own. How terrible is that?

My mum and husband offer to give me a break but he just cries the whole day he’s with them and I think they find it very overwhelming too. I’m returning to work in two months and terrified of what this will mean as he is going to be with mum two days and husband three.

Just feel like I’m constantly doing the wrong thing, he’s overtired, he’s not tired enough, bedtime is too late, bedtime is too early, nap gaps are too long, too short! I’ve tried just going with the flow but then nighttime just goes haywire.

Thank you if you’ve made it this far. Sorry about the long post, feeling rather isolated and needed to vent to people who haven’t heard me venting for 9 months 😫☹️ X

Are you taking him out every day? In the pram/buggy, I mean? The fresh air is good for both of you, and hopefully will tire him out.

Ah it’s a nightmare isn’t it.

I read the baby whisper and it gave me a good frame to work from regarding sleep and naps ect.. it really was worth a read and gave me something to focus on.

Your baby might be really tired from all the night wakes too so nailing down naps during the day really helped with us and it also has a positive knock on effect with the night wakes.

First of all how you feel is totally normal!! Question though - do you breast feed? Could maybe need to try move him onto bottles if so.

My son is almost 2 and he doesn't sleep right through (currently celebrating a straight 4 hours). It's hard when you hear babies so young sleeping all night and yours isn't so you feel you are doing something wrong but at the end of the day you can't force them to sleep.

Are there any play groups near you or soft plays? Try take him to the same one, once a week and fight him wanting to leave, distract him by playing or books. I found taking my son to the same place made it easier because he became familiar with the toys & people!

You're doing an amazing job, we all have days where we go to bed thinking we could've done better but god parenting is so so hard!!

Keep the head up mumma 💜

How many teeth does he actually have? Mine's the same age (their birthdays are a few days apart!) and I think a lot of people I know think that babies are teething whenever they're unsettled. We thought DS's crap sleep was due to his teeth for a while, but then realised that there was no real correlation to his teeth. We did go for sleep training (as gentle as we could manage, but it did involve some crying) - we were hoping to make the nights better but what was a real shock was how much easier he was in the day, too, once he wasn't always overtired. We did this a month ago, when he was about 8.5 months.

Are you giving him pain medication for his teeth? I recommend anbesol oil (not gel) and nurofen.

I would try making first nap earlier and snuggling down to sleep with him.

That wake up schedule is normal for a baby, you aren't doing anything wrong in the night.

I would suggest a few days of being extremely busy in the morning to cut down to two naps before it becomes routine. At that age 3ish hours awake time is normal.

It's so tough and relentless, isn't it? I sometimes feel wistful about my son's baby days, but then I have flashbacks of the never-ending night-wakings and constant rocking to sleep!

From what you've said about him headbutting your boobs, I'm guessing you're breastfeeding? Do you have any local breastfeeding support groups? They are an amazing social support lifeline - you don't need to have a breastfeeding issue in order to attend. Simply talking to other mums facing similar issues can be hugely, hugely relieving and confidence-boosting. There's often free tea and cake, too

What area are you in? I could look up a group for you if you don't know of any.

*Also, just to add, that even after a meal, little ones still might want milk for comfort or to feel satiated, so don't feel bad about feeding him immediately after solid food